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Just Said Yes August 2023

Elope or Big Wedding?

Mag, on September 10, 2022 at 8:50 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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My fiance wants a wedding in Hawaii. I've never been to Hawaii and have been wanting to go for a very long time. We live in FL and I have a big Catholic family on my dad's side. We are a pretty close family and there's about 70 of us lol.

I don't really have an opinion on where the wedding is as long as it's not too expensive. I love Hawaii, but am also thinking about my family and grandma. We compromised on have a very intimate wedding (similar to elope) in Hawaii with our immediate family and then a month or 2 later we will have a BIG (about 180 people) wedding in FL, so my family can be there.

I don't know if I want to have 2 ceremonies since we will already be married. I'm considering on just having the intimate ceremony in Hawaii, so that it would take a lot of stress away and not to mention save money (if my fiance agrees). I just wonder if I'm going to regret not having an actual wedding and have people upset from my family. My dad mentioned that having his mom is really important to him. I love my grandma and want her there but I don't want that to affect me and my fiance's decision on the wedding. We could maybe have her on live video or have dinner with her when we get back and share the video so she feels more included?

So my question is, did if feel weird to have a wedding after being married? If not, did you tell people before or after the wedding? Or would you suggest JUST having an intimate wedding in Hawaii so that's more stress free and we can move with our lives lol?

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Latest activity by Michaela, on January 2, 2023 at 11:35 PM

VIP September 2020
Willow · on September 10, 2022 at 11:47 PM
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We ended up having a small covid wedding. We meant to have a bigger celebration a year later when things opened up, but life got in the way and we're married 2 years now. We don't have the energy to have a second wedding. We bought a house, and we're putting a lot of money into it

One of my only real regrets about the wedding is that my FiL was in the hospital, his prognosis not great, and his mother attended via livestream because she was afraid to fly out during the pandemic. I wish at least one of his parents could have beem there in person. She could barely see or hear the ceremony. At the time, we had had plans to have a second ceremony, and his mother said she'd go to that. It bothers me that she's not in any of our wedding photos. My husband was a little sad that neither of his parents were there.
This is a personal preference, but I'd prioritoze family attendance over location. Hawaii will always be there. Your grandma will not
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Rockstar July 2019
Veronica · on September 11, 2022 at 3:22 AM
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Honestly a second ceremony isn't really going to be all that expensive. Most of the money spent for a wedding is on the reception so really I think it's more about if you want the big 180 people reception. To be honest that's likely going to be extremely expensive. The more people that are invited the higher the cost. So personally I would do one or the other. Traveling to Hawaii isn't cheap either at least that's what I have heard. I've never actually been there.
But to answer the other questions, no I don't think it would be weird to have a second ceremony. Friends of ours got married during Covid and over a year later had a second ceremony. They wanted the chance to celebrate with all of their family and friends. Everyone knew they were married. I would recommend being honest with your guests that you are already married.
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on September 11, 2022 at 7:02 AM
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Could you compromise and do the large local wedding for the families, then honeymoon in Hawaii?
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Dedicated May 2019
Kylie · on September 11, 2022 at 6:11 PM
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It’s really up to you—we had a relatively small destination wedding with plans to throw a big casual party a few months later. But when we got back from our honeymoon, we felt SO married. The idea of throwing another party felt so unnecessary. But I also know there’s plenty of couples who feel the opposite and simultaneously plan a small wedding and big reception later. I definitely wouldn’t have a second ceremony, and imagine it’d be difficult and dishonest to hide the fact that you went off to Hawaii and got married.
It honestly seems like you want a wedding with your family and friends there, which is totally fair and the compromise isn’t something you’re totally on board with. That’s worth having a deeper conversation with your fiancé.
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Rockstar October 2023
Michael · on September 11, 2022 at 8:27 PM
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It seems that the wedding involves moving from your pre-marriage family into creating a new family. So it is best to have your family at the wedding, especially since your family now is supportive. Also, the new marriage (with ceremony) is a spark to any caring family and is worth igniting. If this were two weddings in a multi-cultural situation, that might be different since it would be hard to have all families from different countries together at the same time.
But no. There should not be a ceremony redone without letting people know beforehand.
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Just Said Yes December 2023
Michaela · on January 2, 2023 at 11:35 PM
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My husband and I just eloped on 12.30. No regrets so far. It was so special and so us. We live in New Zealand and family in Boston and Ireland so that was a factor. We have rented a section of a local bar for 2.25 to celebrate with 35 friends. On 12.30.22 we will be going to Boston for a dinner with our parents and siblings. No one seems to have an issue with these plans and if they do they haven't told us!
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Elope or Big Wedding?

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