Dry Wedding Etiquette - Answered

@Hoolie - you're getting married a day after me!!!

It's so strange too! My circle of friends and I are a bunch of awkward stiffs, but give us a wedding and we have a good time. We're total dorks.

I do wonder, if the reason the Weddings were dry because of budget issues. I never heard anything, as far as hearsay or complaints from the guests. Although, I do know that a popular venue in my area prohibits alcohol on the premises.

I'm not getting married there. I'm getting married in a museum that is okay with alcohol (I made sure for the champagne toasts).

If I were you and you have such a large percentage that don't drink, I'd do a beer/wine bar only and do it based off of consumption. You only pay for what people drink. It's basically a cash bar but you pick up the tab at the end of the night instead of putting that cost on your guests. That way those that want to will and you aren't paying per person for people who won't drink.

I've also never been to a fully open bar wedding, but I'm choosing to have an open bar. The weddings I've been to also haven't been professionally catered, but I'm having a professional caterer. I think no open bar and no professional caterer were probably budgetary. I'm sure some of that is regional and different cultures too.

Thanks everyone on the feedback! I'll look more into beer and wine!

@Kate - that's an awesome list of suggestions! Yes, we're allowed to bring our own alcohol and I do live in TN! I'll be sure to look more into this! Thank you so much for your help and advice!

I don't honestly understand why this has to be a topic literally every single day even though you are handling feedback gracefully. It truly doesn't seem like you just want validation, which is good.

The last dry wedding thread had over 200 answers; I would imagine that every possible opinion on the topic has been explored exhaustively. Up to and including cash bars which are, I'm sorry, abomidable.

I personally feel that it's rude to treat an entire group of people based on the fears, preferences or beliefs of a handful of people no matter who they are. What you're basically saying is that they matter more than your other people do; clearly, they could avoid drinking while your other peope are shit outta luck.

If one person at your wedding drinks, they should have that option since they have given your celebration money, precious leisure time, emotion and the effort to get there and arrange their lives around the hours it takes to be there. It's a little different than having a party at your house where you know everyone and their behaviour; at your average wedding, there are guests, relatives you don't see every week, SO's.....people who cannot accurately be predicted to be happy with a dry wedding. And no one is happy with a cash bar, 'tradition' or not.

Once you've taken on the role as host,it's up to you to be a gracious one, even if that means beer, wine, sig drink. If you can't afford that, you cut your guest list. It's better to have 50 happy people than 150 disgruntled ones.

ETD: there is no reason to wonder if dry weddings are the result of budget issues. Statements like, "I'm not paying for people to get drunk on my dime' and "if they want to drink, they can pay for it", (both of which have been used here) make that brutally clear.

I searched through other threads, including the current cash bar one to explore opinions on alcohol at weddings. It seemed very much the case of dry wedding = boring wedding, which I did not have an experience with personally. I do recognize that my experience is certainly not the standard for others.

But honestly, because of those experiences, I never equated alcohol with weddings in my head. It shocked and intrigued me when WW seemed to vehemently oppose dry weddings. So I explored and still I was confused (thus necessitating the creation of this thread).

Even after reading the thoughts of everyone who have commented here, I still admittedly struggle with grasping the WHY is alcohol necessary? Why is alcohol required to have a good time? But I also realize that this perception is a shortcoming of my worldview. I do not need alcohol personally. My ex was an alcoholic that was physically and emotionally abusive, maybe that was instrumental in my mindset (not to say that I never drink).

BUT I'm also aware that I am not my guests. My guests are completely different people than me, and while I may not personally understand their need for alcohol at such celebrations, I am still obligated in a sense to cater to social norms and expectations as their host. I do not have a problem serving alcohol or paying for it. I'm trying to engineer my thought process in understanding the practice.

If it's common with your circles of guests, do as you wish. You know your guests, just be sure to arrange other festivities!

I mean, children don't know the difference and as long as they have activities and are allowed to roam about, like dancing, they're occupied. As an adult, I wouldn't enjoy a dry wedding as a guest. It's different for me because I photograph weddings and only drink water and eat during dinner break...but if I were a guest, a drink or two at least, even if beer and wine only, would help the overall mood. It encourages interaction and dancing, etc. I have done a few with either no alcohol or one with a cash bar....the party didn't last as long. Just because some don't "like" alcohol, doesn't mean that other guests should suffer for it. To me, it's no different than offering guests at your home a drink or a meal while you're hosting them.

We're having an open bar because me and FH are social drinkers (and FH is totally a beer snob). I have been to dry weddings in the past, though, and never thought much of it. I really believe that it's a know your crowd kind of thing.

Also, NO guests will tell you a dry wedding isn't ok, but they'll tell others afterwards.

@Jay - as far as comparing it to having guests in your home, I've never experienced alcoholic beverages being offered at home. It (alcohol) seems almost taboo in my community. Maybe it's me/the circle of friends&acquaintes I have, but it seems that I have very little experience with alcohol in general. I appreciate your perspective both as a guest and photographer.

Slightly unrelated, but that's all you eat at weddings as a photographer? My photographer is going to be with me all day and I plan on feeding her throughout.

OP I wouldn't say alcohol is required to have a good time but it does help everyone let loose a little. I'm much more fun after a few glasses of wine kick in and I forget my social anxiety.

I'm from Kentucky and most weddings in and around my hometown were dry as well. Definitely a religion thing in my area, as the surrounding counties are dry counties. My home county actually had a vote to legalize the sale of alcoholic beverages... and people came out in droves for a decisive NO. Whaaat?

I'm still having booze at my Kentucky distillery wedding because I enjoy drinking and the majority of my guests do as well.

You sound like you'll have a very close circle of friends and acquaintances. There's some people who invite folks who aren't that close to their wedding and I think that's where you get most of the dick guests that talk behind your back about your wedding.

Face it Eileen....everyone talks about the weddings they go to; good and bad. It doesn't make them 'dick guests'.

I've been to dry weddings as a child and an adult and everyone immediately left after dinner. I've been to cash bar weddings which were okay but they also ran out of food and their cocktail hour was one box of crackers and one block of cheese. I've been to open bar weddings and they were a blast. I think it's a know your crowd kind of thing. If you don't have a full bar, I'd probably do a consumption bar or beer, wine, and signature drinks. I personally am not a heavy drinker but I like a cocktail with dinner or to drink at a celebration.

@celia, talking specifically about guests who judge the bride and groom on just their dry wedding decision. Especially those who change their "views" about the bride and groom. That to me is a "dick guest".

Alcohol creates killer reception photos It's not a matter of guests being dicks, it's that they're trying to be polite and not tell the couple how to do their wedding. But when they take time off of work or whatever else they'd be doing, travel, get hotels, or even across town...they want to be hosted properly. I go to wedding and even LGBT networking events, no way I could stomach those without a glass of wine or two. My natural instinct is to fade into the background like I do when I'm working....which defeats the purpose of an event like that.

As far as eating at weddings, I don't photograph anything dinner break except a few food shots before it gets ravaged. Most of my weddings are 7-9 hours long, so before I head out I stretch and meditate, and eat a curry chicken wrap or something. maybe some nuts and water. If I have access to water throughout I'm fine until dinner break. Some cake or granola bars give me that second wind sugar buzz to keep up with this.

@Jay - my "plan" (I'm over a year away so I can refine this), is to provide photographer with food when I provide it to bridesmaids. Getting ready, snacks on hand before photo ops. Water available. I'm doing this because I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and her photographer was with us all day, and while the bride made sure we were fed, I never recalled the photographer eating. And I felt awful because I was ravenous post-ceremony even though I had snacks earlier. I couldn't imagine not eating at all up to that point. And I love food.

So am I a dick guest Eileen for talking about my aunt's wedding behind her back? I photographed her wedding. My FW got all of the music together. I had to play DJ (I was not asked before hand, she just had no one to do it and I got stuck doing that too). I ended up having to help set up the reception space. I didn't get to eat because the food was cold by the time I got to it. It was a miserable day and I worked from about 11am until about midnight helping to clean up after. I love her, but I wish I had just been able to enjoy her wedding as a guest.

ETA I see your response...I started my comment, but was interrupted in the middle so this is now a bit irrelevant.