Driving distance for out of town guests?

This seems very easy for your family and very difficult for his. 1-1.5 hours is too long (this also seems very quick for the trip you described…) to ask people to drive after also having to fly. Also most people don’t make a whole vacation out of a wedding so I wouldn’t assume they’d be happy to be flying in/out of NYC.


You’re asking them to purchase a flight, purchase a rental car, hotels and all other standard wedding costs. Beyond that, they need to be driving for as long as they’ll actually be attending your wedding.
Have you considered something in Florida? Or a complete destination wedding so it’s fair to everyone? I would compromise with fiancé, even if it means you do NYC.

People travel great distances with no issues for weddings. You won’t be able to please everyone but the majority who want to be there will do whatever it takes to get there regardless of the distance. Those who don’t want to take the time will not make the effort even if it’s in the same city. Pick a location, send your save the dates and they can decide from there to attend or stay home. For someone who truly wants to attend they will make it work.

Could they fly into MacArthur Airport on LI? There are definitely nice places there to make it a nice getaway even if it's not in the city. And as others have said you won't be able to please everyone so do what's best for the both of you.

What I think is important is that you are very honest about the location of the wedding in relation to the airport. As long as people are aware of what it will take to make it, they can decide whether that’s worth it or not. And I’d try to do as much as you can to minimize the inconvenience so for example, do a Saturday wedding so people have the time to travel without taking time off work. See if you can give people tips on where to stay, how to get there, if maybe there are airport shuttles that go close to your venue or LIRR schedules.


I think wanting to be close to the airport is good, but it’s not like having a wedding in the city won’t be an inconvenience either. It still takes time to get into the city and some people might not be comfortable with the subway. It still takes at least 45min to get to Manhattan.
At the end of the day, choose a venue that you love as long as it can still be accessible to your guests and just try to minimize the inconvenience. If your fiancé is super worried about his family, he could also ask the most important people (the ones he needs to have there) if they’d be fine with the travel situation just to make sure, but that’s really not necessary.

I would be unhappy to have to drive an additional 1 1/2 hours after flying to a wedding. However, that doesn't mean I wouldn't go. I would use the criteria I use for all destination weddings (which this is for 1/2 of the invitees). 1. what is my relationship to the martial couple? 2. Can I afford to take this trip monetarily and still do everything else I have planned for the year? 3. Do I have enough PTO time to take the trip (which takes into account travelling etc..) 4. is the wedding date convenient for me and my own plans.

I’ll be honest, OP. I absolutely hate when destination weddings require guests travel an obscene distance from the airport to the wedding location. A lot of people who’ve never driven in a city like NYC would be completely overwhelmed driving in that environment for that long, not to mention how pricey it would be. I would consider:
1. Providing Lyft or Uber gift cards for guests flying in
2. Consider getting married in lower Westchester (where guests could fly into HPN) or Jersey (where guests could fly into EWR)3. Consider getting married in Florida. Generally it is much easier to fly in and out of a major Florida airport and travel a short distance to a wedding venue than to do the reverse to NYC and travel a significantly far distance to LI.

This is a hard one and I do tend to agree with your fiancé on this one. You are asking a lot of his family in regards to the travel and travel expenses. It also depends when the wedding is I went to a wedding this past summer and what should have been an hour- 1.5 drive to LI ended up being over 3 because of the beach traffic. Good luck to you!

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I also assumed that most people don't make a whole vacation out of a wedding, but apparently this would be a consideration when some people choose whether to attend our wedding or not. We are definitely doing NY as fiancé does not want to get married in Florida and NY has the venues/atmosphere we are looking for in a fall wedding. It is important for us to keep all those extra costs in mind however and we are looking at other venues that are more centrally located/closer to an airport. Thanks for your insight!

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A very good point. We hope to book a fall wedding which would avoid the peak season of summer travel out East, which can be brutal!

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Thanks so much for these options! Florida is not where either of us want to get married but Westchester and Jersey would definitely be suitable places for us to look for venues. Appreciate these ideas!

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Sharon this is a great suggestion! If guests chose to fly into here, it would cut down the drive to a mere 30 minutes from airport to venue! At that distance, perhaps I can see if there is a shuttle service that can be arranged from the venue. I SO appreciate this information-its a gamechanger.

The only opinion I have is to make sure to find something that both you and FH are happy with. Its his wedding too

This will depend on your crowd. My suggestion is to talk to your most important guests who would be traveling, and gauge how they would feel — would they do it? Happily or begrudgingly? This is most important— their opinions will tell you more than Internet strangers, because it is definitely different to everyone, and as long as you have the most important people on board, that’s what matters most. In the flipside of people looking for an nyc vacation, they’re may be some who don’t want anything to do with the city so would be thrilled to be out on Long Island. Another flipside is there are some travel weddings that people would tell you are better but have other massive inconveniences for guests so it’s all a toss up. I’ve preferred having to fly then drive over a much closer to the airport wedding that was on an inconvenient day and an expensive weekend. (Ex— I live in Manhattan. I had a close family wedding in FL. On a Friday, on a holiday weekend. The venue was only about 20 min from the airport , so there’s your “pro” for less travel, but, I still had to rent a car. I still had to take a day off work. And because of the holiday weekend, it cost me a TON of money. I would’ve skipped the event based on airfare alone if it hadn’t been someone extremely near and dear to me, and since it was, I felt it was worthwhile)


Interestingly, I went to another wedding in California, which was a 2 hour drive from the airport (the brides family was from there but groom’s is from here, and our whole social circle, including the couple, are east coasters), and the plane tickets cost way less than that florida trip! The couple cleared plans with VIPs and we were on board. We specifically coordinated flights with friends which made the journey more fun and less of a chore. And actually most people we talked to at the wedding had made a vacation out of it (some went city, some went vineyards). Because the couple knew they were asking a lot of their guests, they gave a lot back— had a welcome party , had a post wedding brunch, provided transportation to everything — so even though there was a lot of travel, once we were there we could just chill and everything else was taken care of, so I do think there is something to balancing out the burden. The couple knew also that this plan would mean plenty of people wouldn’t make the trip , but since they knew the most important ones *would* they went for it. They actually ended up very surprised with just how many people ended up making the trek!So, I’d definitely say this is very “know your crowd” and more over— don’t be afraid to ask!

What about MacArthur Airport? I know Southwest and Frontier airlines fly into there and we’ve had family fly in to there also. My fiancé’s from Manhattan as well as his family and half of my family live in the boroughs. We live in Long Island out east where our venue will be too. We have some family flying from FL also, and I truly think those who want to be there will do it & make the accomodations. We understood the travelling may be annoying and were fine if anyone couldn’t make it, but so far we’ve had no issues with anyone and they’re super excited actually & keep telling us how they can’t wait.

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Fall on the East Coast is my favorite time of year. Enjoy it! I see you are open to Westchester there are some great venues and a few are very close to a metro north station if anyone is staying in the city that could be an easy way to commute. Happy planning and good luck to you!

I’m the opposite. I live in Florida now but most of my family is in Nj. I really love my venue but an added bonus is that it is one mile from Disney springs so people who want to stay a little longer and go to Disney have that option. But I really want people to come. If you’re ok with some people not coming because of the trek, then I say go for it. But he needs to be ok with that.

I'd be very put off by a wedding for which I'd have to both fly and drive that far from the airport. I'd only do this for immediate family or very close friend. I don't like driving in unfamiliar places or very urban environments, so that would be a double no if I didn't have a travel companion


Having to get a rental car adds lot more expense and stress. If I have to fly in, I want to be able to Uber.

My friend just got married on the North Fork, and I can offer a few pieces of advice... first, if your wedding is in the spring, summer, or fall (but especially the fall) driving from NYC to the venue will be an absolute nightmare and could be about a 5-hour drive. Second, hotel prices are insanely high on the North Fork (like $400/night average during peak season) and they book up so early so they'd need to book things at least 6-9 months in advance. Planning my own wedding has shown me that people don't prioritize hotel booking, so they might procrastinate booking a room and find out there's literally nothing available and/or be shocked by the prices. These are just things that my friend didn't consider and ended up being really stressful for guests. But, had they known this beforehand I don't think they would have changed anything because it was a really beautiful venue and unique/special. My recommendation would be to do a few room blocks at different hotels and strongly encourage people to book accommodations early.

As for people just not RSVP'ing or not showing up, that would be kind of petty of them. But all that being said, I think you should have your wedding where you want to have it. My friend had about 15 people fly in from Florida, and they were happy to be there. I'm also kind of biased because my wedding is going to be a 3 hour drive from NYC (but upstate) and people are flying in from the west coast on Friday, and leaving Sunday.

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The fall on the North Fork is as busy or busier than the summer- I planned my friend's bachelorette party in September and her wedding was in October, and many of the vendors we wanted to use (like vineyards and doughnut/ice cream shops) couldn't work with us because they said it's their busiest time of year

Hi all! Fiance and I did visit the venue, which turned out to be a bit too far even for me during the second drive out there. We have booked the Somerley at Fox Hollow for November 2022! It is a much more reasonable distance for all of our guests in NYC and those flying in and we absolutely love it. Thanks so much for your advice-really appreciated!