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Savvy May 2021

Dress Shopping Etiquette/mil advice

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Mckinzie, on October 4, 2020 at 1:05 AM

Hey everyone! My FH and I are getting married in May 2021 and I'm planning on finding my dress this month! I am so excited about this part of the planning process and I want to make the most out of it! Ideally I would love to plan a girls day and bring all of my closest girlfriends and my mom to help me find the dress and then maybe grab some drinks after to celebrate. My first question is, in your experience how many people is too many when it comes to shopping for your dress? With 4 of my close girlfriends, my mom, and my sister (MOH), there will be 7 of us total.
Another situation I need advice on is regarding my future MIL and wanting to be there when I look for my dress. She has mentioned several times that she is excited to go shopping and what her work schedule is like but I would feel more comfortable if she wasn't there. We've had a rough past as she did not like me because I come from a broken family and then my FH and I moved in together before we were engaged. Slowly, after 2 years, things have gotten better and now that we're engaged she is really trying to build a relationship with me. I'm extremely happy that her and I are bonding (I've wanted this relationship with her for 3 years). I don't know how to tell her that I'm not having her come with me to find my dress. I also feel guilty for not inviting her because she went with her other sons wife to pick out her dress. I'm a very anxious and passive person so these types of conversations are a challenge for me. I'm starting to learn throughout this process to do what I want and not always what others want..
If anyone could give me any advice I would appreciate it! Sometimes it helps to get an opinion from a fellow bride😘 👰 And thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy post

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32 Comments

Master April 2021
Michelle · on October 4, 2020 at 1:17 PM
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My FMIL didn’t really like me at 1st due to many issues her son & I had but have worked out. She & I have a totally different relationship now & are much closer. I have included her in as much of the wedding planning as possible & that includes dress shopping. It seems she is extending a hand & you’re slapping it away. That would hurt her in do many ways. Having 7 ladies there is too much- too many opinions. My original plan was to have all bridesmaids & his mom (my mom has passed) so it was a total of 5. Due to COVID my number went down to 2. Check with the boutiques you’re going to & ask the limit.
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Just Said Yes November 2021
Jenn · on October 4, 2020 at 3:55 PM
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Personally, I have this very same problem...but, I would invite your MIL. Here's why:
1) Your MIL is a huge part of yours and your FH's life and including her will be "your effort" with her in these special moments (and you might want to consider the fact that you'll be the only bride in the family NOT inviting her to go dress shopping).
2) I am also very passive and strongly suggest asking your BFF or someone trusted to help buffer, kindly. And remember, the final decision is yours and yours alone. Take time to think about things and if you need to "decide" when she's not around, even calling back the next day to tell them which dress you are deciding on (just an example).
3. Your friends will always be there but consider the family bond you would like to have moving forward. You are likely to go to more than one place. My plan if to go for the first time with my mom, MIL, and MOH. Then future visits with anyone else I might want. (due to Covid, I can only take 3 people anyways)
I hope this helps.
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Just Said Yes November 2021
Jenn · on October 4, 2020 at 3:56 PM
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I totally agree
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Dedicated August 2021
· on October 4, 2020 at 6:44 PM
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I would check with the place you are going first! Im going dress shopping this month and at Davids Bridal I’m only allowed to bring TWO people and at another place I’m only allowed to bring 3 people. I wouldn’t feel guilty but I can see why, id just say theres a limit like other people said! I would have brought my future MIL if I could, and my dad offered to pay but he cant even come either! Im bringing my mom and my MOH (and cousin) bc I absolutely need both of them and couldn’t do it without them. If you can even have 7 people you’re lucky, but I was a bridal consultant, and just like you see on the show, less people is better if they are all going to have opinions, just take who you really want to be there and who will support you! And if you know they all will then that works!
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Dedicated September 2021
MLS · on October 4, 2020 at 9:44 PM
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I have had a interesting relationship with my SMIL. While I don't necessarily want the opinions but we are also doing bridesmaids shopping as well (everyone is spread out). So with my mom, my bridesmaids, my two MILs, my FSIL and my mom I'll have 9. My salon hasnt set any restrictions. While I don't want everyone there necessarily. I recognize I need to give a little because I'll have them for the rest of my life. But if you're truly uncomfortable be honest.
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Savvy September 2021
doris · on October 4, 2020 at 11:58 PM
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Check with the bridal store cause when I went I only took my mom my daughter and lil sister my next appointment when i went I took my mom daughter sister and mil I wanna to surprise my bridesmaids the dress I pick
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on October 5, 2020 at 10:04 AM
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Pre-covid, I took two people: my mom, and the mom of one of my best guy friends. My grandma could not make it otherwise she would have been there too. I live far away from my MIL and my bridal party, which in a way made things simpler. A couple of thoughts...
Personally I would not want 6 different opinions + the consultant. You might have a critical friend who discourages you from a dress you like, and/or you might have an "everything is awesome" friend who says dresses look great on you that might not be best. But that's entirely up to you.
One thing I will say is that depending on where you live, there might be a dozen bridal shops within an hour or two of you, plus bridal consignments, etc. I would not try to pick a dress at the first store, or even on the first day...your emotions will be high and you'll need some time to think and reflect before making a final decision. Different shops also carry different designers, and different dresses from the same collection. Go to a bunch of places!! It is also completely normal and acceptable to go back to a bridal shop to try on your favorites a second time.
You mentioned your FMIL has been trying to build a relationship with you, which you want. Excluding her from dress shopping might make her feel hurt. In light of this, and what I mentioned in my last two paragraphs, I would suggest making a special appointment with just her and maybe your mom or maybe FH's sisters if he has any. It doesn't have to be a whole day, just one store, can even do it after work instead of on a Saturday. But I would take her shopping *somewhere*. It means a lot to her and is an investment in your relationship "bank account"...and you get to try on more dresses!
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Just Said Yes October 2020
Anderea · on October 5, 2020 at 10:22 AM
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Hi! I think that many people is a little too excessive. With that many people, there are so many opinions and trying to please everyone and yourself I very hard! I took my sister, mother, and future mother in law to mine. It was a good time. For my dress fitting I brought one of my bridesmaids so they felt involved. Just remember, the only thing that matters is that you love the dress!
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Expert September 2022
Allie · on October 5, 2020 at 11:14 AM
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I agree with keeping it small for the dress shopping and video chatting her once you find the one!
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Master May 2020
Kari · on October 5, 2020 at 11:18 AM
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I went dress shopping with one other person (the wife of a groomsmen, who I'm not even close to) and that was perfect. She was so helpful and supportive and didn't overwhelm me with opinions or have any idea of what I should look like as a bride, she just wanted me to be happy.

When I went dress shopping with my MOH for her dress, it was just her and I and then we met up with both our moms at one store and it got overwhelming really fast. I LOVE those women, but more people = more opinions and it's just more exhausting. Everyone is different, but personally I think a super small entourage is best. Covid just makes the case for a super small group even more appealing.

You could always go dress shopping with a smaller group and then invite your FMIL for a dress fitting. That way your group is small with no drama, and she still feels included.
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Devoted September 2024
Soon To Be Mrs. Stewart · on October 5, 2020 at 11:26 AM
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I would say 7 is maybe a bit too many, you don't want to have too many opinions. It could sway what you really want or love and become a bit much with everyone. If you and your MIL are working on building a relationship I would let her come with if it was me that is. You said she is taking steps to build a relationship with you this could be another chance to come closer. At the same time this is your wedding and your choice. Do what you really feel is best honestly.
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Master 0000
Judith · on October 5, 2020 at 11:46 AM
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If you want any hope of even narrowing down a type of dress, never mind finding the right one, take no more than 2 people with you. ... After Say Yes to the Dress on TV created a trend of taking whole bridal parties, moms, etc, So many shops lost sales, and became overcrowded, that they cut to max 2-3 plus bride, before Covid. Now all I have heard limit numbers. Best results always come from shopping with 1-2 people who have the same ideas on clothes you do. If you want bohemian or vintage romantic, both all about drape of material and flow, and layers of ruffles or pleats or layers, and you shop with one who likes only strapless and body hugging club wear, while the other likes either formal ballgowns or sheaths off a greek statue, classic lines, they will say negative things about everything you like, til you don't know your own mind. You will be lucky to get on 6-8 dresses in 1 1/2 hours. Best is 1 or 2 who share your idea on clothes. Try on at least one of every major type or silhouette, because even if you have looked at a thousand pictures, how things look with your body proportions is different. After about 8 of these, try a couple each in the 1 or 2 styles you like best, til you find one or time is up. if you want mom, and think she wants a totally different look from you, take her only after you have narrowed things down at one, possibly 2 shops. Take her in to see final 1-3, or final one, then try on veils , illusion jackets over something very bare, or petticoats. She will be the first to see the finished bridal look with you.
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