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Savvy May 2021

Dress Shopping Etiquette/mil advice

Mckinzie, on October 4, 2020 at 1:05 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 32

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Hey everyone! My FH and I are getting married in May 2021 and I'm planning on finding my dress this month! I am so excited about this part of the planning process and I want to make the most out of it! Ideally I would love to plan a girls day and bring all of my closest girlfriends and my mom to help me find the dress and then maybe grab some drinks after to celebrate. My first question is, in your experience how many people is too many when it comes to shopping for your dress? With 4 of my close girlfriends, my mom, and my sister (MOH), there will be 7 of us total.
Another situation I need advice on is regarding my future MIL and wanting to be there when I look for my dress. She has mentioned several times that she is excited to go shopping and what her work schedule is like but I would feel more comfortable if she wasn't there. We've had a rough past as she did not like me because I come from a broken family and then my FH and I moved in together before we were engaged. Slowly, after 2 years, things have gotten better and now that we're engaged she is really trying to build a relationship with me. I'm extremely happy that her and I are bonding (I've wanted this relationship with her for 3 years). I don't know how to tell her that I'm not having her come with me to find my dress. I also feel guilty for not inviting her because she went with her other sons wife to pick out her dress. I'm a very anxious and passive person so these types of conversations are a challenge for me. I'm starting to learn throughout this process to do what I want and not always what others want..
If anyone could give me any advice I would appreciate it! Sometimes it helps to get an opinion from a fellow bride😘 👰 And thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy post

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32 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on October 5, 2020 at 11:46 AM

VIP May 2015
KiwiDerbyBride · on October 4, 2020 at 1:36 AM
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You could tell a white lie and say the shop only allows parties of eight, including the bride - in fact you may find you can’t take all your girls anyway due to Covid restrictions. Could you invite MIL to a fitting instead?
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Expert August 2021
Molly · on October 4, 2020 at 1:38 AM
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I had four people dress shopping with me. My mom, grandmothers, and one of my bridesmaids. I will say 7 might to too much. Besides the multiple opinions which might cloud your judgment, many salons are not allowing that many people with you due to COVID. I know my salon was only allowing 3 but, made me an exception because they made the guidelines after I made the appointment and it was only one over.

I would check with any of your salons to figure out if 7 is okay.

About your MIL, I would just explain that you while you're glad she's excited, you would feel more comfortable if she sat this one out. Maybe invite her to a fitting instead. Also though if you get salon restrictions you could blame those restrictions on why she can't come.
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Savvy May 2021
Mckinzie · on October 4, 2020 at 2:30 AM
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You make a very good point about the different opinions clouding my judgment! I also thought about COVID restrictions after I posted this. I was hoping they wouldn't mind having that many people as long as we wore masks. Regardless, restrictions are a good excuse to use and I'd feel better knowing I wasn't telling a lie. I'm going to think harder on who I really want to be there. Restrictions are a good reason not to invite someone without hurting their feelings too. It's somewhat funny that something unusually helpful has come from this pandemic 😅 Thanks for the help!!
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on October 4, 2020 at 3:42 AM
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I have never had more than 2 and it was much easier that way. Plus as others have said check state restrictions with bridal stores. In regards to your mother in law I get what you're saying and ultimately it's your day but I think you should take the hot and invite her. I think she'd be hurt if you didn't. I would invite her for the day and if you don't find a dress you don't have to invite her again. Sounds to me like she wants to be there and I think inviting her could bond you two further whereas leaving her out may cause a rift because women take things personal.
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VIP June 2019
Hanna · on October 4, 2020 at 5:39 AM
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Where I'm located, no bridal salons are allowing more than 3 people maximum to accompany the bride for wedding dress shopping due to Covid. I'd check the regulations in your city before making any decisions about how many people to bring.
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VIP May 2020
Jai · on October 4, 2020 at 7:20 AM
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I had my mom and my MIL. Honestly if I could redo it, I'd only have my mom. I only invite my MIL to be nice
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Master July 2021
Rebelle Fleur · on October 4, 2020 at 7:24 AM
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That’s a lot of opinions, that alone would make me want to limit my # of guests. You may not find your dress the first time you go shopping. If you don’t, I would take her to the first fitting or to a second appointment.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on October 4, 2020 at 8:09 AM
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I would probably bite the bullet and invite her especially if you have just started repairing your relationship. I would also check with the stores you plan on going to see how many people they are allowing. Also, from watching a lot of Say Yes to The Dress I can tell that too many people at your appointment can make things more difficult because everyone has different opinions so I wouldn't invite that many people to begin with.
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on October 4, 2020 at 8:18 AM
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I agree. Unless there is an absolute limit on the number of guests I would. I mean you’re having 6 people with you already, what’s 1 more?
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on October 4, 2020 at 8:23 AM
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When I went shopping I had 4 people with me the first time and 6 people with me when I actually found my dress so 7 is fine.

Why would you feel more comfortable with your mil not being there? Is it because of the past?
I personally would at least invite her because of yall rocky relationship. When I went dress shopping my mil didn't get invited because we went through the week and she lived out of state at that time & we traveled to a complete different state for my dress. If she lived in state I definitely would've invited her.
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Expert September 2021
Meghan · on October 4, 2020 at 8:45 AM
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With COVID I was only allowed to bring 2 people. I have 3 sisters so I was upset about it at first BUT it made it so much easier. My mom came to every appointment and I brought 1 sister to a separate appointment. I ended up going to 3 places which worked out perfectly. I’m happy I only had 2 people because you’re emotions are all over and it can get overwhelming with others opinions.

What I also did was ASK the person helping to pick out a gown for you!!!! I had one dress in mind but felt like something was missing and the lady helping knew exactly what I was trying to explain. She ended up picking the dress I said yes to!
I would also invite you MIL esp if she’s trying to build a relationship with you. Even if it’s to an early appointment where you’re just browsing to get a better ideas.
Don’t forget to have fun 💓
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Just Said Yes December 2021
Michelle 😊 · on October 4, 2020 at 8:52 AM
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Hi McKinzie,
Most shops are only allowing a small group join you due to CoVID, so check with your shop to see if they have limits. If they are only allowing two, then there is your answer to the MIL question, as you will only be able to bring your mom and sister. After you have chosen and PURCHASED your dress, you can invite your Mom and MIL for a bridal stylist appointment. This is where you try on your dress and pick accessories to wear on your wedding day. This way, MIL won’t feel completely left out or like your not trying to work on the relationship with her. When you have your bridesmaid appointment, you can have your girls day with your friends! Bam! Done!!

Best of luck to you on your special day and blessings to you in your marriage. ❤️
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on October 4, 2020 at 10:37 AM
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I’m not sure what state you live in but I just went dress shopping with my daughter and she was only allowed to bring 1 person and then Zoom everyone else. I would check with the stores before you make too many plans with your girls.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on October 4, 2020 at 10:59 AM
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Pre-COVID, I had just my mom the 1st time and my mom, MIL, MOH, and a bridesmaid (the other 2 bridesmaids live out of state). As others have said, COVID restrictions may limit how many people you are allowed to have. Also, it sounds like you and your FMIL are working to build a stronger relationship. I would really think about how saying no will put the breaks on that. Maybe you can offer to help her go shopping for her dress or include her some other way? Maybe you can video-call her in when you find "the one?" It kind of sounds like she wants to have this moment with you, so I would maybe try to think of a compromise that would allow her to be involved but not necessarily there in person.
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Savvy May 2021
Mckinzie · on October 4, 2020 at 11:01 AM
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Thank you so much! I think that is what I'm going to do. 🙂
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Just Said Yes December 2021
Michelle 😊 · on October 4, 2020 at 11:03 AM
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You’re welcome, Love! ❤️❤️❤️
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Savvy May 2021
Mckinzie · on October 4, 2020 at 11:04 AM
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Thanks for your input! I like the idea of video calling her and maybe inviting her to the final fitting. It's so hard not to hurt feelings when you're planning a wedding but I think that would be a good compromise.
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Dedicated September 2021
ALY C · on October 4, 2020 at 11:04 AM
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I didn’t find my dress for over a month! Neither did any of my friends. You could bring a bunch of people the first day and then go back with only your mom. And if you’re going to a bunch of shops you could invite your MIL to one appointment just so you make her feel included. This person is gonna be in your family for the rest of your life. Also, I found my dress a few weeks ago and was only allowed 2 guests in most places. I think one place allowed 4 max.
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Master January 2019
Cassidy · on October 4, 2020 at 11:21 AM
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You can invite her to one of your appointments. Especially if she is trying to build a relationship with you.
I know had already started dress shopping and had 2 more appointments planned when my MIL expressed her interest in coming. So I invited her to the last one, after making sure my mom had her moment with me trying on dresses. But, I wound up getting a dress before that appointment so she did wind up getting to go.
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Dedicated April 2021
Bridget · on October 4, 2020 at 1:10 PM
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I agree with others that many people may cloud your judgement because that's alot of opinions. Also you should check with your dress shop I know mines is only allowing 2 people besides me and they give you a tablet to facetime with whoever else you wanted to be there but cant be due to restrictions. You might not even have to lie to MIL and there really might only be a certain amount of ppl you can have.
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