Dress codes???

I think word of mouth can be your friend here... I know I am sometimes uncertain what to wear to some weddings (especially church weddings), and generally I'll look to a wedding website for any restrictions/guidance or ask someone close to the couple what they're wearing. So in addition to the invitations, it would be a good idea to make sure those near-and-dear to you are on the same page as you are about the formality of the event. I know my mom and MIL got quite a few questions from family members on how to dress for the event...

View Quoted Comment Thanks. That is really helpful. Just reading that made me feel like the 1st one was casual and the 2nd was formal.

View Quoted Comment Right. I'm so glad that I know my guests personally and I'm very close with them. I really was trying to avoid them asking me a million times what to wear lol. I will put all the info on the wedding website and they can go from there. Once they see the venue they are going to get the hint... hopefully lol

PPs have it pretty well covered about having the formality of the invitations and venue direct them.

If someone were to ask me directly what the dress code for my wedding was, I would say cocktail attire. It's dressed up nicely but not overdressed. Dressy casual to me would suggest jeans and a nice top, and semi-formal seems to mean completely different things to different people so it gets hard to judge what they're going for.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely. It's funny because I went to that wedding with my fh and he was wanted to where shorts and I'm like it's after 5 come on lol. So we compromised with him wearing a button up and slacks and I had on a sun dress. The couple was young and all the guests where super casual.

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It's confusing to guests when the hosts give mixed messages. A 3 pm ceremony is not black tie, period.

Tuxedos are meant for men's evening formal wear. It used to be after 6 pm but nowadays you can get away with 5 pm. When the hosts ignore the etiquette, they can't be upset when the guests do the same.

Every wedding invitation site has examples of invitations with dress codes, so it is fine to put them on there. I don't agree with trying to hint to guests about things that are important. If everyone would get the hint, no one would be on these sites asking questions. We are doing formal, black tie optional, and I will be including that on our invitations when we do them. I have guests coming that are not used to going to the type of event I am throwing, and I would never want them to be uncomfortable because they didn't get the "hint" and are less formally dressed than others and so feel out of place. My main concern with each decision is making sure my guests will enjoy themselves. And I think it would be highly unenjoyable to feel out of place because I didn't pick up a hint. Think about your guests. Will 100% of them get a hint based upon a venue they probably have never been to and the font used on your invitations? Will any of them stress about not being sure of the dress code, try and do research into your venue, call others, or try to call you day of to get confirmation? Make the decision you think best helps your guests. After all, you know them better than we do!

View Quoted Comment Here are two different sites that can explain black tie optional better than I can!
http://stylecaster.com/dress-code/
http://emilypost.com/advice/attire-guide-dress-codes-from-casual-to-white-tie/

View Quoted Comment Well I hope they get the "hint" when you're saying formal, black tie optional. I would just make it one or the other. Like dress up or really dress up 😕. If someone came in dress down I wouldn't be upset but would feel awkward for them if everyone else was wearing formal attire. I want everyone to feel comfortable and know this is a special occasion and I'd hope they would want to look the part. But I'm not going to jam it down their throats either. At the end of the day it is what it is and when they see how the venue is set up they should get a " hint" to maybe I shouldn't wear blue jeans lol js

View Quoted Comment I have no intentions of having my guest to wear black tie or be very formal. I just want them to look nice and not be uncomfortable if someone didn't get the memo. But really people choose whatever they want. I just don't want anyone saying they didn't know it was semi formal and decided to be super casual 😏

View Quoted Comment Thats too many options for me lol

Black tie optional isn't a hint, it is a type of event. It is listed and explained on every type of site that discusses types of events and types of dress code. But since many of you don't seem to know it, it definitely makes me think I should just do black tie. It never occurred to me that my guests may not know the actual dress code categories, but it should have. Thank you! We had been leaning that way originally, and we haven't made any choices that make black tie not an option.

View Quoted Comment Lol that would be a site to remember 😆

View Quoted Comment I never knew that about black tie optional either. This morning i was looking up dress codes and didn't even know about white tie. Where have I been? Lol. Good luck with your wedding and all. I love Black tie events when they are done right and i hope yours goes well.

I'm likely to be pretty explicit on the website. I'll find a way to phrase it so it just sounds FYI about the weather and such.
FH has a close family member who has dressed wildly inappropriately at other weddings. After some discussion, we are buying him and his family clothes. His appearance everything but ruined his sister's wedding because he was in so many of the more formal pictures. I completely understand worrying about if guests will take, even not so subtle, hints.

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Maybe I want Aunt Barbara to show up in a thong!! C'mon! Shay, I feel you - my wedding was outdoors at an Arboretum at 11am and I did not want to see anyone in jeans. I did not say anything on the invites, as you should only do that if it is black tie. Luckily, we only invited 50 people and I was able to spread the word of no jeans please. 1) I would have not noticed anyone in jeans, truthfully. 2) A friend of my hubby's wore black leather pants and it was great! Hey it was not jeans!!! LOL! Oddly I did have three or four women ask if they could wear black - I did not care and the outfits were either black and white or black with a color accent. I think what you are saying is you don't want people showing up to your wedding looking like they have been fixing the roof, right?

View Quoted Comment Then you cannot imagine your brother, seated at a front table surrounded by Sunday best suits, dresses and hats in a ripped and stained polo shirt with paint stained jeans. Then acting as if it was normal and walking around loudly, and little drunkenly (hey, it's a wedding) chatting everyone up.
I do get the idea that someone might be offended if you handled it by buying them clothes. I get and respect that. This is close family, though. I see them frequently and know them well. I don't think he'll understand why we bought them clothing, but I know they'll happily wear it. (Especially the kids, who about ran me over with hugs over socks for Christmas.)

Cocktail. Dressy casual implies khakid and polos. I don't think that is what you want.

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Black tie on an invitation conveys information about more than just the fact that the hosts want a certain level of formal dress.

It's a top of the line, evening wedding with every service you can imagine. White invitations with black engraving, white glove table side service, a wine specialist who can help guests chose a selection from their extensive wine list that goes best with their entree, valet parking, uninterrupted live entertainment, multi-course gourmet meal, and, of course, top shelf, open bar.

None of the above is "optional" with a black tie event.

View Quoted Comment Exactly. I just want people to look nice and fit the theme. The chapel is beautiful and I know everyone is going to want to get a few selfies in 😁. Like it's common sense but some people just don't get it and want to wear whatever.