Dress Code

You were correct in not putting attire on the wedding invitation. I wouldn’t do anything unless your venue has a dress code such as men need to be in jackets. You will be so busy you won’t even notice what people are wearing.

I agree with Kelly. I would never tell a friend or family member they aren’t dressed appropriately, unless the venue wouldn’t let them in the door due to their own rules. People know what to wear to weddings and what they are comfortable in. Unless it’s black tie where people need to know to wear a tux/evening gown to match the 5 star service being provided, then you shouldn’t mention the dress code anywhere. I wouldn’t worry about this. Focus on other aspects of your wedding and trust that the people you invite know how to dress for a wedding.

I think most people know what’s appropriate to wear to a wedding. Maybe he thought cocktail attire meant dressier than just khakis and a polo and that’s why he said he didn’t have the appropriate attire. My guess is there will be so few people under dressed that you won’t even notice. I wouldn’t worry about it or say anything to the guest

It's strange to me that they won't just go shopping. But at the same time, what do you think you should doing someone doesnt come "appropriately dressed"? Are you going to kick them out of the ceremony?

My advice would be to get over it.

Causing a scene would be uh... inappropriate behavior for yourself.

Most people know to dress nicely.

It’s actually mind blowing that you’re considering denying one of your close friends or family members access to your wedding because they don’t meet the aesthetic that you’re hoping for. There are some things in life that are more important than your “vision,” relationships are one of them.

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Wow, very harsh. But you're right. I shouldn't be asking so much of people, especially those closest to me. It's not like in every day life we have to follow rules or respect other's wishes (phew, I can stop dressing up for funerals now!). People should totally do whatever they want, and it shouldn't matter. People should interrupt the ceremony by arriving late, they should bring children to weddings that are adult only, and black-tie events should be met with flip-flops and Hawaiian shirts - and the couple better smile and nod otherwise they're the ones who are jerks.

Did you ever stop to consider that it's not about a certain aesthetic but more of if we tell one person, "Oh, you don't have something nice to wear? Please go get something nice, we expect everyone to be in cocktail attire" and they show up and other people are in flip flops and t-shirts that it's, oh, I don't know... unfair? Ever consider that if we expect something specific, that it applies to everyone? Not just a few?

It's not about vision, it's not about aesthetic, it's about being fair and consistent.

By not cocktail attire the may have just me t the had a nice polo shirt and nice pants, no I don’t think you should kick the. Out of the wedding. It is not worth losing a friendship or relationship over clothes.

You dont put that info on an invite unless it's a true black tie event.

When we discussed dress codes at one point my dad made a good point. People know to dress nicely. But people have different circumstances for their own lives. Maybe the best clothing they own happens to be a nice pair of jeans and a button down. Maybe they cant afford to go buy a nice suit because they're in a tough situation financially.
To turn somebody close to you away and say they're no longer allowed because they might not be dressed appropriately? That's pretty low.

View Quoted Comment Not everyone has the luxury of going shopping for an outfit that they could possibly only be wearing for one event. I guess it comes down to a matter of priorities; having guests there that you care about or having guests who can afford the attire that you want in the background of your photos. I personally would choose my friends and family, cocktail attire or not.

View Quoted Comment Does this person not have a lot of money? I have had friends that could not afford a nice new suit or a new dress. Maybe they were not planning on wearing sweats and flip flops but a polo shirt and nice pants.

View Quoted Comment I get what your saying but not everyone is able to just go shopping. What is just 10 bucks for one person is not just 10 for the other.

Yeah, everyone's situations are different and they cannot just go out and drop $$$ on a new outfit for your wedding. I would say people generally know how to dress for a wedding and this person will do the best they can do. I'd rather have someone at my wedding than discourage them from coming because they didn't have the right clothes.

I feel that everyone should be able to wear what they want. Not everyone has the money to go formal to a wedding. However, as you said... People should know what to wear and what not to wear. Of course I want my guests to dress nice to the ceremony because it is in a church but at the reception, I honestly could care less what anyone wore. I want everyone to be comfortable and have a good time.

View Quoted Comment You clearly didn't read my response since you think that this is still about aesthetic.

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Thanks for the helpful insight! I absolutely see what you're saying.

You can’t control adults so even if you’re trying to be “fair and consistent” there’s literally no way to know who will wear what until the event is already underway. It’s not like 100% of your guests will reach out about attire. Also, honestly, as an adult, if you’re going to pout in the corner because the bride and groom said cocktail attire but you see someone in flip flops and you wanted to wear flip flops, I have no sympathy. Life isn’t fair and you can’t control the uncontrollable.

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Thank you, that's very insightful! I really appreciate your input.

I think most people default to at least business casual when it comes to wedding. In American culture, it's sort of become common sense. We are notifying people of the formality of the wedding so that they may match the formality if they wish, but we're following it up by saying that we also want people to be comfortable and that no one will be turned away for how they're dressed. We've posted this on our wedding website and it's what we're saying when people ask.

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Awesome, thanks!

Really appreciate the positive input!

You can't do anything if guests show up dressed casually, but I think the vast majority of your guests will respect the dress code you listed on your website or otherwise just know that you should dress nicely to a wedding. For that one guest your FH talked with, maybe follow up and tell them they can wear whatever they have that's nicest, even if it's a button-down and khakis or a dressy blouse and skirt.