Dress Code PSA

Oh FFS.

If you feel you can dress yourself perfectly fine, then ignore the dress code and do so.

The dress code is there to help those who need some assurance that they are dressing correctly and will not stand out.

Now, if the dress code is something like "only wear green and purple", fuck that. But cocktail-attire or semi-formal are perfectly valid dress codes that aren't rude. They are helpful.

Thank you Kassy

Am I the only person who picks my outfit based on the time of day, venue, and formality of the invitation? Isn't that common sense? I don't really understand the "what should I wear" questions. If I get them I'll answer them of course, but how do people decide what to wear on their own? Most people manage, and if they are going to dress inappropriately (shorts on an adult at a formal affair, sweatpants anywhere out of the house, my FIL who insists on wearing jeans and a turtleneck to our wedding) they are going to do it no matter what you request.

Just when you think they are gone....

I actually like to ask about the wedding colors and what colors the BM's are wearing. I don't want to show up at a wedding and people to think that I'm pretending to be a BM or trying to steal the spotlight.

We're providing some guidance on our website. Florida in May is very different from Ohio in May (where every single one of our guests is from) and we want them to be prepared and comfortable. People come to visit us and seem to be under the impression that the weather breaks when the sun goes down. Nope. All hot, all day. We just want to make sure everyone knows what to expect.

Mia, I get women asking, but guys generally have like 4 color options for suits. My guys were wearing black. I wouldn't discourage my guests from wearing a black suit for fear of matching the GMs. In my case, I'm pretty sure the guy who asked wore black anyway.

@mia I agree, I do that too, although sometimes its apparent from the wedding website or the invites what the colors will be. I don't like looking like I was expecting to walk up after the ceremony and take pictures with the wedding party. A close friend of mine got married in Vegas two weeks ago, she admits she would have asked more of us to be BMs (she only had 2) but due to cost of travel and hotel she didn't want anyone to feel obligated to spend that kind of money of the wedding. But I purposely didn't wear gold because I didn't want to look like a wanna be BM.

^^^^so funny

So people that want to take a dresscode into consideration don't have a grip on life?

@O&S Dress codes are not about telling your guests that they should wear something more fancy. It's just a guideline to help people. It's not a demand etc.

My wedding website had a FAQs section, and I put that the "dress code" was "cocktail attire" but to be aware it was an outside event at a winery in October. I had people show up in jeans. And I had one person change into a football jersey after dinner. I didn't say anything to them because I honestly didn't care. Someone mentioned the jeans and football jersey to me like "Wow they wore that to a wedding" and my response was "I'm just glad they're here." Dress codes are more about making people feel comfortable and confident in what they choose to wear by allowing them to confirm that they are not over or under dressed.

Maybe I'm not great at adult-ing like other people. But there have been times when I've asked about a dress code, and it's either made me confident in my choice or allowed me to pick something more appropriate for the event. But maybe I'm just not a good adult and can't figure out how to dress myself because of that. lol

I agree that listing a dress code on the couples' website, for example, is helpful for guests. However, because Emmy is generally right that many "dress codes" have lost their meaning, I think a description of what you consider "formal" or "semi-formal" or whatever is a good idea. I once attended a "formal" wedding where someone showed up in a denim floor length dress... no lie.

***Well*** no one said you weren't allowed type, we're all having a discussion here. To me if a friend asking for an opinion about an outfit makes her less of an adult, I stand guilty as well. Some people like feedback, nothing wrong with that. You've never shopped with a friend and asked how something looked or what they thought?

Well, that works for you, doesn't for others. Different strokes for different folks. Doesn't make anyone less of an adult though.

If I was going to a wedding in another country where I didn't know the culture and how fancy they dress for these events, I sure as hell would ask if my outfit is okay.

Better than showing up underdressed to a classy event.

GREAT point Kassy, because that's exactly what I was dealing with. 2 cultures from different countries with 2 very different ideas of how to dress for a wedding. Spaniards dress formally for weddings as a rule, a formal cocktail dress for day, evening gowns at night, men wear suits, period. We did get questions about short v. long from some of them just because it was a cocktail party vs. sitdown dinner. My American guests, knowing that Spaniards dress up more for weddings, all asked me how they should dress. I think them trying to find out what was standard for weddings here is a wonderful example of "adulting" actually.

3 guests asked us about dress code for our wedding as well - we didn't list any in invitation or on our website. One of them actually texted me pictures of 3 different outfits, and asked which one she should wear to my wedding lol!

I totally agree with @Elizabeth that dress code, if you choose to have one, is supposed to help your guests feel more comfortable, not to make them dress the way you wanted them to. If we were having our ceremony on grass or at the beach, we probably would have mentioned something, so that nobody faces the risks of getting their skinny heels stuck!

Another great point Kiri...I've def been caught in the heels and grass predicament at a wedding.

Apparently, some guests feel that since a wedding is on a beach, shorts & a T-shirt are appropriate -- yes, I've seen it many times.

And maybe because many are destination weddings, many of the guests wear the wedding colors. Perhaps they think it is like a family reunion where everyone wears matching T-shirts? At least it makes it easy for ME to find my group on the beach!

Apparently, some guests feel that since a wedding is on a beach, shorts & a T-shirt are appropriate -- yes, I've seen it many times.

And maybe because many are destination weddings, many of the guests wear the wedding colors. Perhaps they think it is like a family reunion where everyone wears matching T-shirts? At least it makes it easy for ME to find my group on the beach!