Downsizing the wedding

Did you put the address on the save the date? or will it be in a different city? To me if you already sent the save the date it should be good until the invite goes out. If you have the city or address on the save the date then I would send an announcement out so people know where they are going. Also I would think since it is just a save the date people will save the date and wait for the invite that always has more info.

View Quoted Comment The issue is that she wants to cut the guest list.


OP, I think the best way to handle this is to contact everyone and let them know that the event as planned has been cancelled and you’ll be marrying privately on another date, to be determined. If you are considering a delayed celebration at some future date you can say so. You can send printed announcements and or contact people individually by calling, or sending a note. The alternative is to keep the guest list and date and scale down every thing else.
After you are married you can likewise send announcements, or let people know.

Unfortunately because save the dates have been sent, you are locked into inviting everyone on the list. Figure out ways to cut costs without cancelling the date or cutting the guest list: maybe pizza or a favorite local casual restaurant providing drop off catering, cake and flowers from a local grocery store, skip the favors and alcohol. Skip the proposal boxes and getting ready pjs.


The polite way to cancel and start over from scratch, as Miss Manners posted very frequently at the start of Covid and still applies, is to send everyone on the guest list a formal cancellation card. Then start over with a new date, new save the dates, and invitations to everyone who receives a save the date.

A save the date is as good as a formal invitation, so you're left now with trying to disinvite people. The best way to do this is to cancel the original event entirely, and plan for a new date with the smaller guest list.

I think announcing on Facebook or any other social media would come across rude. I would either mail something out to everyone or personally reach out to them. Don't just blindside your guests with a social media post.

I definitely would do a Facebook post to that says almost exactly what you posted here, in your question. It would be easy to do. Just copy and paste what you wrote here, with some minor changes, before you post it.


I"m sure everyone is going to understand.

View Quoted Comment No. This is not a good way to go about it.


I would send a card to everyone that received a save the date that the event has been cancelled.
Send new invites to your new guest list.
I think no matter how you approach you will have upset people.

Definitely don't do a public post on Facebook about this, you'll need to contact everyone that was invited.

Please don’t post publicly or allow your mother and mother in law to post on your behalf. A public Facebook post is inappropriate in this situation not to mention especially offensive to those not invited in the first place.

I have no experience but completely understand! Maybe put something out like due to economic reasons we have decided to have immediate family only. This is in no way intended to hurt anyone’s feelings or upset anyone at all. - thank you for your understanding

View Quoted Comment If you send a cancellation notice, don’t say a word about finances. You’re still in impolite territory. Or get a parks department owned venue with pizza and cake for everyone who was sent a save the date and call it a day.

View Quoted Comment

If OP wants to confide in specific people one on one as to the reason she can, but any mention of economic reasons on a group mailing or statement is inappropriate, and none of anyone's business. To the contrary, what is offensive is for OP to assume the worst of people, that they might unjustifiably be hurt and upset by a cancellation, whatever the personal reasons might be.

All that OP needs to do is say the event that the marriage will take privately and the reception as planned has been cancelled. If the intention is a delayed celebration she could add "a delayed celebration will take place at a later date." If not, she'd leave it at that.