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Super November 2020

Down a Groomsman

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Mindy, on August 5, 2020 at 8:43 PM

So my FH has been trying to reach his one groomsmen for a month and has only gotten radio silence.
Today his friend texts him and says that if the cases don’t diminish by our wedding, he won’t be coming because he doesn’t want to risk giving it to his parents with whom he lives. I understand that and can respect that. What makes me sad/angry is that this doesn’t surprise me. I honestly expected this even without covid. His childhood friends are super flaky. Nice enough guys, but terrible with following through on plans.

But how do I help my fiancé when his childhood friend won’t be there for him?
We said we wouldn’t make any cancellation/postponement decisions until mid-September, but I can tell how much this upset him. 🤬covid🤬

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27 Comments

Super November 2020
Mindy · on August 6, 2020 at 8:18 AM
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Honestly, I don’t believe anything his friends say until it actually happens. Because they’re always cancelling on him last minute when we go home to visit. Or they just don’t answer his texts or calls. To me, that’s not how friends should behave. 🤷🏼‍♀️
If FH decides we need to postpone our reception for one person, I might fly off the handle. I have at least 2 confirmed family members (not friends) who won’t be in attendance. And chances are 5 other people attached to the one family member won’t come in an effort to keep him safe, which I deeply respect and appreciate. I’d do the same if I were in their shoes. But I haven’t said anything about postponing because I just want us to move into the next chapter of our lives. Postponing due to a few people (not immediate family) not being able to attend just doesn’t seem practical to me.
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Expert December 2020
Kayse · on August 6, 2020 at 12:35 PM
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I would hate for you to postpone only to have him flake again :-/
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Master May 2020
Kari · on August 6, 2020 at 1:53 PM
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Honestly, if his friend is this flaky maybe having the Covid excuse is a good thing? It sounds like the groomsman is making a responsible decision by not attending, and if there is a slight chance he would have flaked anyway, maybe Covid will spare your FH the reality of his friend being MIA at the wedding. Knowing you are down a groomsman with advanced notice is far less upsetting than him not showing up to the wedding when you expected him to be there.
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Super November 2020
Mindy · on August 6, 2020 at 1:56 PM
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I like your silver lining Kari. That’s a really good way to look at it.
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Dedicated August 2020
Chelsea · on August 7, 2020 at 4:49 PM
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Definitely understand my FH has flaky family and he is taking it hard... so majority won’t be in attendance. I would say keep him encouraged and keep asking about his feelings
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Super November 2020
Mindy · on August 7, 2020 at 5:58 PM
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Thanks Chelsea. He unfortunately has that too.
I’m really hoping his mom doesn’t flake out on this.
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Super October 2021
Suzie · on August 10, 2020 at 9:26 PM
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That really sucks, but this is the world right now. Try to keep an eye on the positives and talk about the things you’re still excited about. Two of my four BMs live out of state, so they wont be at our micro-wedding this year. It’s a big bummer, but I am still excited for our day, and know we will all be celebrating together next year at our postponed celebration!
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