Down a Groomsman

You cannot. Truthfully if the reason is COVID then it is valid but if this is how they normally are then I would question his friendship. How does he feel? Does he want to postpone? Could the friend come as a guest and wear a mask and keep his distance? Not a groomsman but still there supporting his friend.

Do you guys have a live stream option so that he could still attend your ceremony?

Unfortunately there really isn't much that you can do or say. A lot of people including bridal party members are making the decision to not attend weddings right now. All you can do is accept and move forward.

View Quoted Comment Melle,


I was already figuring out the logistics for a live stream. I know that I’ll have relatives that can’t come due to health concerns or financial issues. I don’t know if that would make my FH feel any better though 😞

View Quoted Comment The other thing is what if that groomsman recorded a message like a toast or just some nice well wishes and you played it for your FH

View Quoted Comment His friend said flat out that he won’t come if the cases don’t diminish. And again, I totally get that. My moh has said that she and her hubby might not make it due to the price of flights and the covid case count. It sucks but I respect their need to do what’s best for them. I would never be mad at someone protecting their life/health or that of their family.


He seems to be leaning toward postponing the reception only but if the state is open for gatherings of our size, I doubt our venue will allow us to postpone without paying a substantial fee. I’ll have to look over the contract again 🤦🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment That’s a nice idea.
I’ll have to see if I can reach out.

Thanks, Melle. You always have such great insight.

View Quoted Comment Yeah. It just kills me to see how defeated that text made him.

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I am sorry and I hope you can keep your normal day with everything. I mean suckily this is the time we are dealing with. I would just let him think about what he would rather do. Maybe he can still have a bachelor party with just his boys and his friend can go to that?

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I’ll let it go for a few days. And we will see where FH’s at wedding wise next week.

Unfortunately I doubt that his friend will make that either. We live in Virginia and this friend is in Pennsylvania. So it’s already a 7 hour drive. Without the added stress of covid. 🤦🏼‍♀️
I’m starting to understand why my moh just eloped and didn’t tell anyone until after they came back from their honeymoon.

His reasoning is valid but still has a sting. When is your wedding?

View Quoted Comment November 21st. So we have to decide whether or not we’re still on by mid-September so we can send the invites.
My fiancé had never mentioned or considered postponing until this text message. This really messed with him.

View Quoted Comment I totally get that, but I think it would be worse if someone got sick or someone else sick because they attended your wedding.

View Quoted Comment And I totally agree. I just wish he wouldn’t have disappeared for a month. Communication is so important.
Like neither of us are mad about his decision or rationale. He has got to do what is best for him and his family.

View Quoted Comment He definitely should have been up front rather than disappear like you said. All you can do now is be loving and supportive of your fiance.

View Quoted Comment Elopement Def has its benefits. Easier to plan lol.

That really sucks! My FH’s best man, best friend for the past like 15+ years, can’t make it due to Covid (he moved to South Korea about six years ago and can’t afford to be quarantined when he returned). He asked another friend from their group to be best man in his place, but that friend is super flaky and never bothered responding. When FH wants to talk about it, I lend an ear, but otherwise there’s not much I can do. It’s not my place to pass judgement on his friendships, so unless he asks for my opinion I keep it to myself.

View Quoted Comment That’s awful. And what makes it worse is he tried to help.
Your poor FH. He has to be so frustrated.

View Quoted Comment He’s pretty stoic, but I’m sure it’s bothering him. He’s made a few comments that we should have just eloped last year, I have to admit it would have been much less stressful than this whole mess!

I’m sorry to hear this. Even when we predict something might happen and mentally prepare for it, it still hurts when it happens. You’ve mentioned that this friend tends to be flaky. Do you think he would attend if you postponed, or would he end up making an excuse to not come? This might be something to keep in mind when thinking about postponing because of this.