Don't know how to respond. Sister Probs

I should add I realize there is no response required on my part. SHE will get back to ME. Also, is it rude to ask my sister this? I feel she is my sister, I should be able to communicate with her on this stuff, she isn't a distant relative. Yes, I admit, the truth is that I am asking because I could put two people who want to come to our wedding in her place, but can't because I don't have the room - and putting aside 2 spots for a sister who can't tell me she plans on coming is so annoying. Or is it rude of me and etiquette says I am supposed to send the invitation to my sister anyway knowing she will flake out and I lose 2 spots?

As an autistic who suffers from depression, I honestly don't find her response all that strange. I would probably say the same thing, especially if I had forgotten to wish someone a happy birthday (or omitted one due to personal distance.) I honestly think it's kind of rude to be so snippy about her when she said she'd get back to you quickly, and also simply explained her surprise. Give her the benefit of the doubt rather than throwing her under the bus.

In my eyes, sisters should automatically get an invite. I know that depends on the relationship.

But by your post, you are only sending invites to people who know for sure they can come. What about other people on your guest list that you think might not make it? Are you asking them this way as well?

To me this is like saying, oh my uncle said he doesn't know if he can make it so I have to wait till he knows if he's coming or not to send an invite.

I don't know - I will wait for her response (in 24 hours) - she has known about the wedding since last year for one thing. I feel that it is getting down to the wire now. So, essentially, she's had all year to think about it. And secondly, a cousin of ours actually already made her travel arrangements to attend the wedding ... a cousin. So, a cousin can give me an answer, but not my sister. I will give her the benefit of the doubt though. EDIT: I never asked my cousin, she just knew she wanted to come immediately ,then got a save the date and made the travel arrangements in advance.

I hear what you are saying Kelsie, and I do see where I could, or someone fall into this trap. Basically, I am ONLY doing it with my immediate family. My mother I am asking now if she is bringing a guest ... no need to waste a plus 1 if my mom knows she isn't bringing anyone. Same with FH's mom, she told us, we didn't have to ask, she told us not to count a plus 1 for her. Makes it so much easier/less stressful, thank you FMIL. And my brother and sister. NOBODY ELSE though. Oh, and FH's single brother. We are asking immediate family now about this stuff. Just for a little clarification. I don't see anything wrong with asking your immediate family. Anybody else no though.

It does sound like you're being a little overly harsh at a response that wasn't that bad. Yes, it was weird but it doesn't seem like she was trying to be hurtful. As someone who used to be very close to my sister who is now a stranger, I understand your frustration though.

Edited, as I was typing you posted a response haha

It's sounds like you're only inviting people based on knowing they'll come...so, wait like she asked,and then wait a little longer. If she's dealing with some mental issues, in whatever form, what may seem rude or inconsiderate to you may be outright forgetfulness on her part. Give it some time,and ask again if you haven't heard back. Saying yes to something so far ahead may be very daunting for her, though it seems so simple. She's your sister. IMO, the invite should be there no matter what.

I think she is looking for RSVPs to send invitations to get more RSVPs... This is confusing to me. Invite the people you want there. If they don't come, oh well. Don't neglect to send grandpa an invite because he won't be able to make it. That just creates hard feelings. If you invite your sister and she doesn't come, you can at least say that you extended the invitation.

^^^that.

Agreed GeekyBride on the daunting task to think about something a little under 6 months from now. We are all so different. And I'm afraid that is probably what etiquette would say ... send the invite anyway. She is a sister.

Ahh ha SpringBride15: "you can at least say you extended the invitation" - so it is. There's my answer. I'm afraid I'm going to have to lose out on 2 spots because I could practically guarantee my sis is gonna flake out on me. That is my misfortune that I will have to live with.

Maybe send them a touch early..stand fast on the RSVP date, and then send a b -list. I really hate them, but, there's a reason people have them.

I'm still confused as to why you're so hung up on only inviting people you're sure are going to come.

Yea I'm on the boat you invite people regardless if they're coming especially immediate family.

She's your sister. Reserve a spot for her and send her the invite. She doesn't need to let you know if she's going to be there until the date RSVP's are due.

@Zoni, its because she has limited seats, whether due to budget or due to room capacity. Im in the same boat. My FH is inviting 22 immediate family members out of our budget AND room capacity of 37. I would LOVE to invite more close friends but I cant unless some of his family were to decline (one couple lives out of state and another couple, the guy has weird hours and maybe wont make it). Im totally trying to find out ahead of time if those 4 people can come or not. I agree with OP that she should speak to the family members that she listed, about plus ones and if they are coming to determine if she will be able to invite someone else in their place. Its much different if you are able to invite more people and just let the chips fall where they may. But if you only invite 30 guests (not including B &G and the wedding party) If 4 - 10 people dont come it makes for a much smaller party than you even started with and many times there is a minimum paid for the room in which you will pay whether they show up or not. *** send her invite 2 weeks earlier "than the rest.