Don't assume people know proper wedding etiquette - rsvp Edition

I still don't understand why it's considered "rude" to say "adults only." As long as you don't word it in a mean way, like "No kids allowed," I would have no issue with it.

We are allowing kids 13+, so on our information card it will say that we are providing child care for everyone 12 and under. However, FH's mom has yet to let me know if any of their family will be bringing their children, so technically as of now, they aren't invited unless they stay with the sitters we provide.

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Most likely won't put this, but seeing the posts about guests changing the number on the RSVPs makes me want to add to the information card "do not change the number on the RSVP." Hahaha! I don't understand how guests don't see how that is rude to add to a set number! Unless you wanna pay for the catering costs (and venue overages), don't invite people without permission!

Well put, OP. Another one is "Just don't register. Everyone will get the hint that you want cash." I had never heard of that until joining this forum.

Thank you for this post!

However could someone help me out with something? I have a very close friend who is a bridesmaid, and I'm inviting her parents since I've known them a long time, and they invited me to their daughter's wedding.
We were discussing today on the phone how I am inviting children, even though I'm not super keen on it, just because so many guests have kids and would be coming from out of state. She mentioned how she was hoping her parents don't bring their six year old grandson and a young girl who is living with them through circumstance and their generosity (that is an absolute terror) with them to the wedding.

I was unsure what to say, as I had no intention of inviting either of those children and am already stretched thin with the invite list as it is. I made a point to her how I only want well behaved children to be there who's parents will actually watch them, and she agreed but said I shouldn't worry about it.

How can I possibly address this? By putting the seat counts on the RSVP card, right? I already have three children I've never met coming along because a relative is dating someone withe three kids and actually asked if they can be invited as well.

PS: how are people so bold with requests?? Yes, I want you to be there, and yes, I feel sorry for your current circumstance that makes childcare difficult, but we're talking hundreds of extra dollars and my wedding day. -_-

This is great! Thanks!

THANK YOU! Honestly this has been a topic of discussion with the FH and I. We haven’t sent them out yet!

Thank you Danielle for this amazing advice! ❣️

View Quoted Comment How is that rude if you don't want kids at your wedding.

Writing "Adult Only Affair" is not proper etiquette, whether or not you are offended by it. Etiquette says that it's never appropriate to point out who is not invited, in this case children en masse. Do it or don't regardless, but don't claim it's proper etiquette.

Thank you I will keep all of this in mind

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What answers are you searching for? The information about who in your family is invited is front and center on the envelope (outer or inner) of your invitation: whoever is listed by name. All you have to do is read the names. Why on earth would you be calling or going to the website? You don't need to know if any other children are invited. You only need to know if your child is invited, which should be clear from the way the invitation is addressed. If it's not, the words that should be added to the invitation are specific people's names, not "Adult Only Affair."

I went back and forth on weather to put no children on my invites. I eventually decided not to, I put #of seats reserved, and on our wedding website noted that "unfortunately we are unable to accommodate children", and word of mouth that it is adults only. I have been trying to plan accordingly to etiquette as much as possible, but the thing I am learning is guests don't necessarily know etiquette. Kind of frustrating.

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This has gotta be a social circle/different area sort of thing, because I feel the opposite...just because you think it is rude, doesn't mean it is / make it wrong.

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Maybe in your life, this may be true. However, in my neck of the woods, children are always included unless otherwise spoken. Kid free weddings didn't become a thing in my area until these past couple of years, so a lot of people address the invite to the adults but it includes the children. So how about instead of being snooty about it, ya just give clear information from the get go to prevent unnecessary confusion, follow ups, etc.

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By putting "Adult Only Affair" at the bottom of your invitation. That is the clearest and most direct way to prevent people from adding their children.

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Well, this is a bit tricky since you are inviting children. Therefore, it doesn't quite seem right to exclude their children specifically. However, if you don't want to invite them...that is your choice I would just address the invite to the parent's only, and have on the RSVP card "2 seats have been reserved." If they ask to bring them, politely tell them you wish you could accommodate them, but unfortunately you are already maxed out.

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I didn't claim it was proper etiquette. I simply stated that A LOT of people don't know proper wedding etiquette, and therefore appreciate the clarity.

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This isn't true where I am from. Kid free weddings didn't become a thing in my area until a few years ago. Therefore, the majority of wedding invitations were only addressed to the parents, but are still meant to include the children. Where I am from, children are always included unless specifically told otherwise.

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They really don't, and I didn't either before planning my own.

View Quoted Comment Thats the thing though. We are having family children at our wedding. Im just trying to make it clear to people that if your husband cant come dont bring a friend or your child.
For example. My mom has a friend, im inviting her and her husband. Her husband might not come and this woman might think its ok to bring her daughter who is the same age as me. I dont want her there.
So im trying to make it clear that if i have 2 chairs reserved in your name, people wont go oh! My husband cant come, but i have 2 chairs in my name so i get to decide the other person to bring..like no