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Danielle
Master June 2019

Don't assume people know proper wedding etiquette - rsvp Edition

Danielle, on April 25, 2019 at 2:34 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 78

I just wanted to share a little advice from my own experiences and from what I've been reading on these forums. It is my belief that there is some bad advice going around, and I just want to caution others. You will often hear "Just address the invitations to the people invited, and they will get the hint." WRONG!! There are so many people out there that do not know proper wedding etiquette, and lets face it...most of us didn't either until we started planning our own wedding.

Anyways, if you want to ensure that only the people you intend to invite RSVP, then the BEST thing you can do is put on the RSVP card "___/___ seats have been reserved," and fill in the amount on the right. This way, no one can assume they get a plus one (or in my case plus one, plus two, plus three), and it helps iterate exactly who the invitation is intended for. I addressed my invitations to the specific people I wanted to invite, but I forgot to put __/__ seats have been reserved....well, I have been receiving RSVPs left to right filled with extra guests. Please, learn from my mistakes!

Also, save yourself and your guests the "guessing game" and just put "Adult Only Affair" on your invitation if you do not want children there. It is NOT rude!! I promise you, as a parent, I much prefer the clarity and have never been offended by receiving an invitation that said that. Just do it!

Also just for fun, here is a recent story to help share my experiences. There was a wedding invitation in our mail for FH's cousin's wedding, and it was only addressed to him. So I had to contact his mom and ask if me and our kids were included in the invitation. She said of course, and had no clue why I would of thought otherwise. See, again....most people don't know all of the "wedding rules" so please don't assume they do. Anyways, just wanted to share my 2 cents and experiences in hopes it might help others. Happy wedding planning all of you brides (and grooms) to be!!! Smiley heart

78 Comments

Latest activity by Tea Time at the Peacock Room, on April 30, 2019 at 9:24 AM
  • OnCloudRawls
    VIP June 2019
    OnCloudRawls ·
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    Danielle, thank you for this!!! This is a post that needs to be circulated and it shares a genuine interest to alleviate stress from wedding planning.

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  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    Thank you for this! This is exactly what I have been thinking/saying for awhile now. Although I have not gotten this far in my planning I have decided to not only add *Adults only Affair* on the bottom of my invitations but I am also no including " We have reserved __ seats in your honor" Also I have invisible ink makers to write on the back of the RSVP cards who they are from because I hear some people do not fill that line out. I am hoping once the time comes I will have fewer issues!

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  • S
    Expert October 2019
    Sara ·
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    Thank you for sharing! I agree, it can be frustrating when people are clueless about wedding etiquette, but they truly might not even know any better. I like your tips on how to make invites/RSVP cards super clear. I’ll definitely be doing that!
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  • Victoria
    Super May 2019
    Victoria ·
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    We did this and some people still didn’t get the clue! We invited FHs uncle and his 2 young daughters. He walked up to us at a family affair and said “can I bring a date to your wedding?” We said “oh! We didn’t know you were seeing anyone?” He said “I’m not, but I’m sure I can wrangle someone up before then!” We were like 😬 yeahhhhhh we’ve reached capacity lol.
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  • L
    Dedicated September 2019
    LJ ·
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    The invisible ink is SUCH a good idea! I hadn’t thought of that problem!
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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Oh yeah, definitely number your RSVPs. I haven't received any without names (yet), but I did receive one where I couldn't read their handwriting...that little numbering system really came in handy, lol.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    Lol, well there is always going to be certain ones! Smiley xd

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  • Rachel
    Super July 2019
    Rachel ·
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    I’m hoping putting “we’ve reserved __ seats in your honor” is good enough! I’m sending out invites in a few days and did not put “adult only affair”!
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  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
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    I love this. Thank you for posting!
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  • Future Mrs. K
    VIP June 2019
    Future Mrs. K ·
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    Totally agree. We also forgot to do the "we’ve reserved __ seats in your honor" and I'm so mad about it hahaha one of my biggest regrets!

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  • NaRee
    Savvy April 2019
    NaRee ·
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    I did this for my invitations and hand wrote each name that was invited..... And guests still brought extra people that were not listed...... >=(
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  • Nikita
    VIP April 2019
    Nikita ·
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    I legitimately called up anyone I thought wouldn't take the hint and/or would be difficult about it. Everyone else either read the wedding website and heard word of mouth. Other than the one I told directly, no one else had an issue... and she would have had a problem with it no matter what.

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    But that is just it, why make it to where you have to go through the trouble of calling people that may have a problem?

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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    That is beyond an RSVP issue, lol.

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  • A
    Expert August 2019
    Ami ·
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    Yes such good advice! Don't assume your guests know edging etiquette, especially if they have not had a full wedding themselves. Im embarrassed at all the "rules" I've broken at friends weddings simply because I did not know they existed.
    .... I've been that guest that didn't RSVP and the couple had reach out and ask after the deadline. I had no clue it was such a big deal until now, but holy cow I'll never ignore another RSVP.
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  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
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    EXACT SAME! I used to always be sooooo bad at RSVPing, but I know better now and will make it a habit to immediately return RSVPs as soon as I get them, lol.

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  • Nikita
    VIP April 2019
    Nikita ·
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    Oh, that's not a defense for being unclear on the invite. I have no real opinion on that. More a defense for willful/obstinate people who would write in extra names or ignore you will do so no matter what unless you tell them directly.

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  • NaRee
    Savvy April 2019
    NaRee ·
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    So right... Haha. THANKFULLY I overordered food and my chair/rental company brought extra chairs with them so nobody was left standing.... But still. I ended up seeing people I deliberately left out.... Thankfully my cousins kept the uninvited guests busy and away from causing trouble from the rest
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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    I think this has to do with areas of the US and social circles because I and my family/friends would never assume that someone was invited who wasn't listed on the invite. I've never even seen x of x seats reserved in your honor until here. Kinda lacks formality to me, but I guess gets the point across if your guests aren't used to attending formal affairs.

    I'm sorry, but it is 100% rude to put on the invite who is not invited. I'm glad it worked for you, but it doesn't make it not rude. Even having it on the wedding website is a little odd to me but I guess better than on the invitation.

    Agree with numbering RSVPs. Def worth doing.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I'm happy to hear this, we did that on our invites!

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