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#beautyandthebeard
Dedicated October 2019

Doesn't feel good enough

#beautyandthebeard, on March 20, 2018 at 8:25 AM

Posted in Planning 38

I was talking wedding today with my brother... Now keep in mind he got married in 2011 and I'm getting married in 2019. In 8 years things change. My cousin is getting married this May. We already know hers is gonna be over the top, beautiful, expensive, and amazing. Her family has more money then...
I was talking wedding today with my brother... Now keep in mind he got married in 2011 and I'm getting married in 2019. In 8 years things change. My cousin is getting married this May. We already know hers is gonna be over the top, beautiful, expensive, and amazing. Her family has more money then mine does. My fiance and I are paying for our own with a little bit of help. Very little help.

Basically my brother didn't have a good reaction to me saying I was gonna do the rehearsal just immediate family and wedding party (and dates). I explained I can't afford to have half a wedding to include everyone out of state. He also gave me the weirdest look because I want my ceremony outside in October.

How does everyone keep from other people's opinions bringing you down. I'm a year and a half from my cousins and I'm already feeling that pressure.

38 Comments

  • Will & Tiara
    Super September 2019
    Will & Tiara ·
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    I think your brother is being a bit mean. First of all, it's your wedding not his. Second of all, it's your budget, not his. I think the less you say the better. Frankly, the rehearsal should just have immediate family and wedding party. You don't need more than that and should not be obligated to invite anyone else.

    Stop comparing your wedding to others - you do the best that you can. People will enjoy being there and should be there to support you. You can't please everyone. I've been to $50,000 weddings and people still make snide comments. It's human nature. People will do and say what they think and you just have to let it roll off your shoulders.

    Don't look for others' opinions. You discuss everything with your fiancé and parents who are the ones who are the most important. Tell bro to mind his bees wax - that you will do what you and FI want regardless of what he thinks. Don't discuss any more details with him or any negative people who will bring you down during this most joyous time of your life.


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  • Lauren
    Expert June 2019
    Lauren ·
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    It's your day, you do whatever you want regardless of anyone's opinion.
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  • O
    Master October 2017
    O ·
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    I knew my wedding wouldn't be as pretty, or as extravagant, as others, but what I did know is that I went onto this thinking about our families and friends experience. I knew I had enough chairs, tables, a/c, lots of really good food, and any beverage they wanted, paid for parking, and Uber's were covered. I knew I set up the day with my vendors help that would have a good flow for everyone. So focus on the good, and what you have covered, and stop focusing on what it isn't. Every wedding is different.
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  • Heather
    VIP January 2019
    Heather ·
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    You can't stop them from having or sharing their opinions. Your best bet is to just not talk to them about it. If you do choose to share details with them, be prepared for their opinions. Take this most recent example, you are a year and a half away from your wedding, your brother didn't need to know about the rehearsal dinner right now. Trust me, it is a lesson we all have to learn. Good luck with all your planning!
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  • Maria
    Dedicated August 2018
    Maria ·
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    Each wedding is like each couple, DIFFERENT! You sound a lot like my fiance and I. My sister just got engaged. She's already spend $4000+ on her venue where we spent $1500 with the help of my future in-laws. The entire family has swarmed over her and this will be her second wedding to my first.


    My fiance and I are simply having our rehearsal dinner at our venue after we spend the day setting up and decorating. We're ordering from the local pizzeria. A lot of people have looked down upon us about a lot of our choices for the wedding. We know that we'll be spending the day outdoors, running around, be tired, sweaty and ready to relax. Why not enjoy some wine and beer with a hot slice with our loved ones? Simple and laid back just like us.


    Some part of the prior events, ceremony and reception we've compromised on and settled with a less expensive option, however some things we are going the extra mile for.


    It is really hard. It's hard to ignore the looks and comments. At the end of the day, it's YOUR wedding and YOUR checkbook! As long as you two love what you do, nothing else matters much. Spend the money on something else.

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  • Megan
    Devoted August 2018
    Megan ·
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    I’m 100%going to agree with that! It’s your day have the wedding you want. Your wedding will be just as beautiful as your cuzzins no matter how much money you spend. You can have a beautiful wedding on a budget. I have been to a wedding that was held on a family farm and was just as beautiful as a wedding held in a ball room of a big fancy hotel.
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  • #beautyandthebeard
    Dedicated October 2019
    #beautyandthebeard ·
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    Thank you! Very true. Honestly there is only so much we can do but to us it is important it is something that is us.

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  • #beautyandthebeard
    Dedicated October 2019
    #beautyandthebeard ·
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    I probably would have responded the same way. It just isn't us even if we had the money. My logical side wouldn't allow over the top keeping the $$ prospective in check.

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  • #beautyandthebeard
    Dedicated October 2019
    #beautyandthebeard ·
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    The people I am referring to is family. I have to tell them things they are involved.

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  • #beautyandthebeard
    Dedicated October 2019
    #beautyandthebeard ·
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    HAHA! Honestly I joke with my fiance that we gotta stay cool because what if we get divorced one day. He says why would you think that. I always say I mean people can grow apart I am being realistic, it happens and we don't want to be still paying off our wedding. I joke about it because I am from a divorced family and its easy for me to joke about.

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  • #beautyandthebeard
    Dedicated October 2019
    #beautyandthebeard ·
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    OHHHH a mountain sounds awesome... literally this is curiosity but how do guests get on the mountain lol. Do they have to hike it?


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  • #beautyandthebeard
    Dedicated October 2019
    #beautyandthebeard ·
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    The reason it came up is because my uncle informed us the entire family is invited to that as well (they live in a different state) and I laughed and was like there is no way I can afford to do that. He is in the wedding party its hard to not talk about it when his wife, and children are also in it.

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  • #beautyandthebeard
    Dedicated October 2019
    #beautyandthebeard ·
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    Thank you very very much for this I appreciate it!

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  • Jessica
    Super April 2018
    Jessica ·
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    I'm so sorry your brother reacted that way, but try your best not to share too much! That's what I do!

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  • Heather
    VIP January 2019
    Heather ·
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    If you want to continue to talk to him about things, you have to be prepared for his opinions, even if they are dissenting. You cannot control how he thinks or feels. You can only control how you think and feel. Unfortunately, your only options are to control the flow of information so as to limit the dissenting opinions, or listen to them with grace and aplomb because you invited them by speaking about your wedding details. Everyone is going to think differently. No one is going to agree 100% with the choices you make. That doesn't mean you shouldn't make them. But you can't get upset with someone for having a different opinion. I hope you find a way to deal with the pressure you are feeling. Good luck!
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  • Summer
    Super August 2018
    Summer ·
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    I went to an outdoor wedding in late October in WV last year and it was great! Just make sure to have a backup plan in case it's freezing so people have the option of warming up (whether it's having somewhere inside to go or renting outdoor heaters)...personally if it's under 50 degrees I don't want to be outside for more than 2-3 hours, especially for a party.

    I'd never heard of having all OOT guests at the rehearsal, until FH mentioned their family does this, but it's a super low key BBQ style event.

    Remember that "expensive" doesn't necessarily mean better - yours can be beautiful in it's own way; I think good planning and attention to detail go further than throwing money away on the things people say you must have - I splurged on my dress (still staying in budget of course), photographer, dinner and alcohol, but knew that many other places I could save and it wouldn't impact the wedding experience at all - I'm doing my own fake flowers and spent <$400 total, having a dummy cake with real top layer and then sheet cakes, skipping a videographer, and forgoing a planner/coordinator (don't worry everyone, my friends and family will have extremely little, if anything, to do on the day of).


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  • M
    Super October 2018
    MaltedMilk ·
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    Yep - this times 100. Our wedding will be in the late morning, followed by an awesome lunch, drinks and excellent music by a pro guitar player, done by 3pm. Is that everyone's cup of tea? No, but it is ours and that is what matters. Don't compare, your day is special because it is yours. When people offer up questions: "Yeah we have it under control. Pass the beandip please."

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  • queenbee
    VIP October 2018
    queenbee ·
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    Smiley xd Not a mountain that needs to be hiked, thank goodness! Our venue is in the mountains, and our ceremony site is in the woods on that mountain. There is a stairway of about 30 wide stairs from outside of the reception site to the ceremony site. My point was that we are fairly high up on a mountain, and in October it may be a little chillier there than at a lower point!

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