Does Your Spouse Know How Many Sexual Partners You've Had?

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I think it's important to come into a relationship with reasonable expectations. I love that you are more concerned about your future with each other as opposed to your past with others.

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That is very special.

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I agree that we can't fault others for the lives they lived before meeting us. However, for me, there are somethings I would not be able to accept.

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Getting tested before being sexually active with someone is always a great idea. I'd also be interested in hearing details if my partner had a very active sexual past.

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Yup. For us, when it comes to sex, the past is the past. As long as we're clean and compatible, that's all that mattered. The bigger red flags for us were the amount of intense relationships and how the fizzled out/ended.

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When I was dating I always paid close attention to how someone spoke about their ex because if we ever broke up they might speak about me in that manner.

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Yup. Or if they have a pattern of toxic relationships. That is usually an indicator of the pattern of behavior the expect, their own behaviors, and/or just personal life judgement skills. While that might not be a deal breaker, if someone's not actively working to break the cycle, chances are it'll trickle into any relationship.

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I completely agree with you.

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I completely understand. I guess given the nature of how the partners were acquired. Like was he just a playboy or just had bad luck with relationships? I guess more in depth, there would be things I wouldn't accept but as of now, I wouldn't even really know the extent. Especially because now, I don't have to worry about it because it was nothing of the sort so since I was never really faced with that kind of ultimatum of what I would and wouldn't accept, I never had to think about it.

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Exactly. For me the details matter but many not make or break our relationship.

We didn't share our numbers because to us it doesn't really matter how many people the other has slept with it just matters that we be each others last. I don't see the point in sharing numbers unless it happens to be brought up in conversation but to just start the conversation with that at full topic i don't really care for.

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I agree that it is important that you and your spouse are each other's last partners.

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Yes! Exactly

We discussed it before we started dating. As long as he didn't have any STIs, I didn't care how many he'd been with. Wasn't as many as I had thought given some of the stories I heard from when he lived in Cali.

It was one of the first major topics we talked about at the beginning of our dating relationship. It wasn't a big thing really.. we talked openly about it because it provided a lot of insight for other areas, dislikes, likes and so on. I don't think though that I gave a specific number.

View Quoted Comment How many women were you expecting?

View Quoted Comment My husband and I also discussed this topic at the very beginning of our dating stages.

View Quoted Comment You know there is only one way to know about STD status, and number of the partners is not it....

View Quoted Comment Testing is also a part of that conversation but knowing their previous partners and if having a higher number raises concerns about more frequent testing. I wasn’t insinuating that more partners meant they immediately had to get tested.