Does this make sense to anyone?

As far as your cousin goes, maybe she is uncomfortable going into a salon right now. I don’t see this as rude. Some people just prefer to do their own hair.
When it comes to your FSIL, you do nothing. This has nothing to do with you. If you don’t want to invite your FSIL or her husband because of this, your FH needs to call his sister and his BIL and explain. You can’t only invite their children. Both of them would need to agree to allowing your FFIL to bring them to the wedding. It’ll be their right to say yes or no to that though so I would anticipate the possibility that their children might not be able to attend.

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So their children are supposed to suffer from the actions of their parents? That makes no sense. And it does have to do with me because it is bothering my FH and we are a team.

View Quoted Comment Their children are their children. It isn’t up to anyone but them to determine what their children are/aren’t allowed to do. You may not like it, but unless they’re both found by a court to be unfit parents, that’s how it works.

1. With your cousin, maybe she is uncomfortable having someone else do her hair due to the covid situation? Personally, even before covid, I wouldn’t want anyone else doing my makeup (even for my own wedding) because I’m germaphobic and don’t like people touching my face. Like literally, if I were in a wedding and the bride said I’d HAVE to get professional makeup or I would be kicked out of the wedding, I’d probably remove myself from the wedding. And I wouldn’t feel like I owed an explanation of my germaphobia to the bride... I would just hope she would accept my “no thank you, I’d rather do it myself” and move on. I’d just let it go with your cousin... one less thing you have to pay for.



2. Yikes all around! What does your FH think of the situation? It’s his family so I’d leave the decision mostly to him.

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Yeah just sucks because I signed the contract already and paid for half of this. We just meet the minimal for all the people and places. So I'm going to have to pay for her hair regardless if she gets it done or not. I'm the same with my makeup, I don't like others touching my face. So that wasn't even going to be something offered since the few places we would be going to do not offer makeup. I would rather just have the person come to us which is the plan. The stylist thinks the rule will be lifted this month.

My FH is very upset by this entire situation. He obviously loves his sister, but all of us know how bad of temper she has. She always blames others for what is going on in her life. there is no denying what she did. My FH has accepted that she might not be at the wedding, I think what hurts for him the most is that he was going to dance with his sister since his mom passed away. Now he is thinking he might dance with his aunt, she was the closest to his mom and he says that feels more right than his sister. Then he also feels hurt that his nieces might not be there; at this point it isn't even about his sister and her husband. What matters is that their kids saw this and that is not ok. He will have final say, but he asks what I think and I am just lost on what to think right now.

1) I agree with PP on the hair thing. I think it’s one to let go because of COVID


2) I hope your FFIL can bring the kiddos. As a daughter of someone with anger issues, I’ve spent my whole life being taken to events by other family members because my dads not talking to someone in the family. He didn’t attend his sisters wedding because he wasn’t talking to ANYONE in our family and I was in the wedding. I know the pain you’re going through. It’s so hard to feel torn apart by family. I hope your FSIL gets the help she seems to need and I really hope things get easier on you and your future husband 💗

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We all know she needs help. Whether they want to admit it or not, they both have been in a emotionally and mentally abusive relationship with one another. I really want his nieces there they are the sweetest kids and don't deserve this at all. Thank you for your understanding. They are in the wedding too as flower girls, and I know they are both really looking forward to this.

View Quoted Comment I truly believe in my heart by the time the wedding rolls around, the little girls will be there 💗 Keep some hope.

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Thank you for your kind words. I do believe they will be there. I'm just happy they are with my FFIL right now and are safe!

It is agaiñst the rules of the forum to tell others not to post. The post did not agree with you, but was civil in tone.

You could ask your cousin if it's because she's uncomfortable with someone else doing her hair. it sounds like it, i know covid has really change everyone's perception and comfort level on a wide array of things.

as for the invite, i would actually wait it out. i mean yes it seems like that behavior for that argument was really out of line and scary but as you said, there's still time to see if there is any change of behavior amongst them

View Quoted Comment I get that. But she also said and told my mom that she was going a completely new salon her didnt survive because of covid and it was physically destroyed because of rioting. I will wait it out, see what happens I guess

View Quoted Comment In my opinion not so much.

First, hair. The fact that you are willing to pay for their hair styling is a nice offer. But every person in your WP has the right to decide for themselves, who handles their body. Covid, or regular times, anyone who wants to do their own hair, nails, makeup, may do so, or may hire their own person. Getting ready in groups and all having services together is a recent fad, some people like it and some don't. But it has never been the brides right to dictate who does people's hair or makeup. The only requirement is that the BM / MOH/ GM all are groomed and dressed a half hour or an hour before the wedding, or in time for pre-wedding formal pictures. You may graciously offer to pay. Your ladies may decline, and choose to do their own. You may invite all to get ready in a group. Some may decline, and use their own home or bed and bath in private, and show up ready.
Children: It is sad to see things blow apart for family, and especially if children are involved. Your FSIL can be dis-invited by your FI. And he may decide to still invite the husband and the kids. But others are right, you need parent's consent for the children to attend . Usually it is required of whichever parent has physical custody at the time. Many families would agree to let the children go to a wedding with their grandparents. That may be the best you can get, if the husband does not choose to come and bring the kids. Sadly, the children most often are the ones who suffer because of their parents. If you bounce Sis from attending, she may let the kids go. At some point realizing, she has gone too far. I hope it works out. The worst thing is for the kids to feel they are caught in a tug of war. It is important your FI solve this. One representative, his family. I hope whoever has them at wedding time, consents. Most states, you do not need both parent's consent for a family special occasion, just the one they live with.

Re. your cousin, I agree with everyone else that you can't force her to have her hair done. There are plenty of valid reasons why she might want to do her own hair. I wasn't there to hear her tone of course, but I can't imagine someone saying, "I might want to do my own hair" could be rude and ungrateful.

"What would you do in this situation, wait it out or I don't even know? Part of me wants to redo their invite just for the kids but that also seems silly. Can anyone give me any advice on this."

That does sound like really scary behavior and I don't blame you for not wanting her to come to the wedding. But, this decision is up to your future spouse because it's his family. I would just wait it out and support any decision he makes.

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That's what I am going to do. I just really appreciate any advice that is kind and helpful at this point. I would talk to my mom but my mom already somewhat dislikes her due to some comments made, so I can't go to her for advice. I don't want her to think the worse.

I guess to me if someone is gifting you something like hair services you go with it, but I guess that's just me. Alright thanks!

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Ok, I'm aware of my states laws for kids with situations like this. Just wasn't sure if it was different. I just hate this situation so much. It's not fair to those sweet kids. My FFIL has asked their dad if it would be ok and he said yes; just found out that he got a temporary restraining order on my FSIL. This is just more stress we didn't need. My FH lost his job during the last few months; he is starting somewhere new and this hasn't been the easiest time. Right now we are just grateful we can have the wedding and for our friends and family.

You are right I need to let this salon thing go; I know my MOH and I talked later and she was confused by my cousin too. But I just need to be happy that they will be there! Thank you for your advice I appreciate it!!

View Quoted Comment Happy to hear the husband has been granted a restraining order. And that he, and the children's grandfather will be involved. In most states, whoever has custody, temporary or long term, decides. Even if something occurs on a one weekend a month, for that weekend visit, them may do any 'reasonable and ordinary activity' without the consent of the parent who has them most of the time. Weddings qualify, and a grandparent's support is very important, even if she fights things. Count on their being able to go with FOG. Hope Husband can come too.

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Thank you. I do feel bad for my FH's sister but this is just so out of hand. Thank you again for your help and advice it's appreciated.

With the cousin, I would talk to her personally, she may have a reason for not wanting someone else to do it and she may be trying to save you money without wording it very well. I would just talk to her about it and tell her how you feel, but I definitely agree that it comes off as refusing a nice gesture. This is a pet peeve of mine (I gave someone a Coach purse for a Christmas present one year and she gave it back to me saying "you need name brand items more than i do so you should keep it"), so I totally get how this could be offensive.

About the family drama... I don't even know what to say. I think your idea to not say anything yet is great because it seems like such a volatile situation. I'd just communicate through your FH's parents about if the kids are coming, but I wouldn't change the invites because it's just inviting more drama. This honestly sounds like a really tough thing to navigate and I'm sorry you're having these issues!!