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Super October 2020

Do you think love is important in a marriage?

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Michelle, on July 2, 2020 at 3:14 PM

I’ve ran into old discussions forums on a site and even asked this question elsewhere a few minutes ago....I’m shocked that many people agree that romantic love isn’t important as long as there’s respect and compatibility. I can’t imagine marrying someone that I’m not in love with. I get that love isn’t the only thing that keeps marriage alive, to me it also takes respect, friendship, loyalty, selflessness, choosing to live them even though they annoy you at that moment lol. I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 9 years. We are marrying in a few months and ready to start a family soon.

The “feeling” of being in love ebbs and flows but usually I feel really excited when he comes home, we are very physically attracted to eachother, we goof off and laugh, we have adventures, put eachother as priority, in his arms is where I feel safest. I hear a love song and I think of him.
I can’t imagine being in a marriage where I never feel any of these things. I can count myself lucky.
What are your thoughts?

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23 Comments

Devoted February 2020
Jessica · on July 3, 2020 at 2:10 AM
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I read a book called Modern Romance. Aziz Ansari wrote it with the help of a researcher. They discussed the differences in relationships now versus when our grandparents were dating. They touched on the fact that relationships back in the day were built on security first and eventually over a longer period if time they would fall in love. Whereas now most people want to feel that spark, fire, and love early on. Interesting read.

I think a good balance is important. I'm a newly wed, but I still love my husband very much. But I don't think love will carry us through all aspects of our life.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on July 3, 2020 at 4:37 AM
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Considering how I go on and on about how I fell in love with DH at first sight... 8 years ago...
I'd be a massive hypocrite if I said love wasn't important.
But I've also been with someone I *thought* I loved... but it wasn't love. It was dependency and and abuse and recreating the situations of my childhood.
I can see how growing up in a culture where arranged marriage is a thing, how people would think differently. But I didn't, so I wouldn't begin to know how to accept that.
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Super October 2020
Michelle · on July 3, 2020 at 8:37 AM
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I think I could understand arranged marriages or people living in underdeveloped countries would marry for a better life. Since we are not in that situation, but I can’t imagine having a choice and just settling for a marriage I feel “okay” or eh with, not someone who makes you really happy.
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