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R+J
Dedicated November 2014

Do you have any Debbie downer bridesmaids?

R+J, on March 6, 2014 at 11:58 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 17

I have a bridesmaid who always has something negative to say. I showed her my Save the dates and she didn't like them. She found flaws to every little detail of them. I went for my first dress fitting and I was so excited and sent her pics and she was so negative. I don't want to say she's jealous because she didn't have a big wedding but that's what is starting to sound like. She didn't have one nice thing to say about any part of my wedding plans. Do you guys have a debbie downer in your wedding planning?

17 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs.Matthews, on March 10, 2014 at 11:10 AM
  • Shannon S.
    Master March 2011
    Shannon S. ·
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    I had one BM who was always insisting I should want a fancier wedding or whatever. I would just say something like, "It seems like you have a lot of criticisms about my wedding. Can we talk about that?"

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  • Lacey
    Master May 2014
    Lacey ·
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    My sister AKA MOH AKA, the most negative person I know.

    Luckily, she's my sister. So.. I can tell her how it is and tell her to PLEASE be nice or say nothing if it's not nice.

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  • Tasha-n-Adam
    Dedicated March 2014
    Tasha-n-Adam ·
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    Gosh, my MOH was just like this... After 9 months of negativity and saying bad things about my wedding choices/dress/venue/food/cake/etc, I just stopped asking her and showing her my ideas... Please don't let her bother you! When I finally approached my MOH about it, she took a lot of offense to it, even though I was super polite... she even back pedaled and said that she "never said those things" or never "meant to be mean about it". But it didn't stop her from continuing being negative. So I am not sure that approaching her will solve your problem completely, but it will probably make you feel better & make her realize that your upset (and if she was a real friend, she'd cut it out!).

    Surround yourself with support & if people are not doing that for you, then you have to make a choice to stop asking them questions. I hate when people on here say "don't let your wedding ruin your friendships". Well honestly, I think moments like this really define if they are your REAL friend or not. A real friend wouldn't make you feel this way. And real friends have mutual respect. I don't think a bride has to put up with this stuff just b/c the Bridesmaids are your friends or family... Just as you wouldn't put up with it in any other situation!!!

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  • SupermanBride
    Master October 2014
    SupermanBride ·
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    Yea, she is my sister/moh as well...

    Everyone else is game one, full steam ahead! And she wants to wait til the last second to do everything. But she'll post shit on Pinterest all damn day.. Like it's accomplishing something.

    Don't get me started.

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  • FutureMrsL
    Master July 2014
    FutureMrsL ·
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    Ugh, that sucks. I had a bridesmaid like that. I called her out on it and she decided to drop out of the wedding. Let's say life is less stressful now. A lot of girls will get jealous when they see their friends get married and in turn just have a negative attitude. It's not fair. A good friend will be happy for you no matter what. It will drive you nuts if she is negative to you for the next 8 months. Honestly I would talk to her about it and tell her that this is an exciting and happy time for you and hope that she can respect you for that. You can't put up with this for another 8 months. I would also share things more with other friends or family.

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  • S
    VIP October 2014
    SoontobeMrsGlover ·
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    I got one!!! Im hoping she drops out between now and then LOL IJS... I dont need anyone being negative, never wanting to be invloved, and acting funny around..Less BM's Less Stress!

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  • Mrs.ChanelNewNew
    VIP November 2014
    Mrs.ChanelNewNew ·
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    I avoid this by just not telling them shit. My BFF/MOH can be like this sometimes when I do tell her stuff but its mostly about expenses and its not like she's contributing a damn dime.

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  • Lady H
    Beginner October 2015
    Lady H ·
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    I once read an article titled "Fuck them if they don't like the chair covers." Not everyone is going to be happy with your choices but it comes down to what you and your significant other wants. So far my girls are pretty supportive but the major planning hasn't started yet. But I would just tell them to shut up. It's my wedding. It's my day. Sorry you don't like the Save the Dates.

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  • MarianiBride
    VIP June 2014
    MarianiBride ·
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    My mom she told me today she cant wait til 'this' is over....and why cant you wait..its not like you have had to do damn thing!

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  • Theresa Beale
    Master November 2014
    Theresa Beale ·
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    I have one like that. We went out this past weekend and I mentioned being frustrated that I wrote the ceremony and FH won't even look at what I wrote. Her comment was "It's too soon to be talking about your wedding". Ummm, hello. There is about 9 months until the wedding and a lot of things need to be dealt with (maybe not the ceremony but that's just one detail). She isn't married (nor has she been married) so I guess maybe she doesn't understand but if she doesn't have experience maybe she should not make comments like that. I have decided that I won't be talking to her about any wedding related concerns as she doesn't want to hear about them!

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  • Mrs. Captain America
    VIP June 2014
    Mrs. Captain America ·
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    I do. She was really excited to be a bridesmaid, but never showed up to any dress appointments or other wedding related events. When we chose the bridesmaid dresses she didn't like them, but she should have been there to help choose! Oh well. I'm making an effort so we'll see ha.

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  • mscountry
    Master July 2014
    mscountry ·
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    I had two like that. One was just not communicating with anyone and not wanting to leave her 3 year old with her husband or a babysitter for a couple hours so she dropped out. Her and her husband(FH's cousin) have now cut them selfs off from the family and are dealing with their own problems. She is a helicopter mom and that caused problems with their marriage.

    The other one did not like it when she found out the wedding not going to be in her words a redneck wedding and that she would have to behave and not get wild. For months she made me think she was going to be in the wedding, even told my MOH that she was ok with the timeline for the week of the wedding and the note my FMIL gave them asking that they not getting drunk. Not long before we ordered dresses she tells me she will not fly in to the day before or the day of the wedding and that she had not got measured. She then decided she wanted to be a guest. She now is not coming to the wedding at all.

    My mom and FMIL say it is jealousy from both for different reasons. To me it let's me know who my real friends are and that drove me crazy for a long time because I thought we were closer than that.

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  • FutureMrs W.
    Devoted June 2014
    FutureMrs W. ·
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    Had one but don`t have one anymore. She brought too much drama, stress, and unneeded negativity so lets say we are no longer friends and planning and life are a lot nicer!

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  • Krystyna
    Super April 2016
    Krystyna ·
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    Three of my four bridesmaids are incredible. Helpful financially, physically and emotionally. My fourth, the only one related to me, has had an excuse for not coming to bridesmaid dress and wedding dress shopping, never texts or calls back, always late to lunch dates, never has time to talk. I haven't even told her any wedding plans because she's never available.

    She's become honorary more than anything.

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  • Nonna T
    Master April 2014
    Nonna T ·
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    Aw sorry! Maybe just keep her out of the loopie more.

    Me, i have no bridal party so I have to carry the flag and be my own Debbie Downer. So I come on here and say I am pissy faced and get lots of good counsel Smiley smile

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  • Stephanie
    VIP August 2014
    Stephanie ·
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    All my girls are really positie. I feel so lucky. My friend has some real emotional ladies - and she only has two attendants!

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  • Mrs.Matthews
    Master January 2015
    Mrs.Matthews ·
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    My MOH and BM I only have two and they are both annoying me. I asked like 3 months ago to go dress shopping, or gave the weblinks if you know maybe they just didn't want to go dress shopping. I said I would pay for their dresses, and what do they do they both just ignore me, constantly. One is my sister the other sil and at this point I don't want a wedding party. I have asked so many times, had my FH ask, had FIL ask, and no responses ever. I am going home this weekend (It is 3 hours away) and asked my sister if she would like to go dress shopping. I was so excited and she just said she didn't know if she had to work. She works over night and not on the weekends so that doesn't even make since. I really don't know what to do at this point.

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