Do you cover your plate?

Not really. I've only been to two wedding as an adult. One was FH's brother and his parents already bought gifts to them "from us". The other was this past May and we bought them something from the registry that was around $50. That particular couple had a huge wedding that was paid by her parents and there was no way FH and I could afford our plate. We were also just graduating school and hadn't started our new jobs yet. For future weddings we'll probably give around $100.

We are the first of a lot of our friend getting married, so the wedding explosion for us hasn't really started yet as adults. However, we were invited FH friend's wedding. They knew each other through work, worked together for maybe 2 years then went separate directions. They still talk now and then but aren't super close. We couldn't make it. We sent $100.00. Had we gotten an invite for a shower we wouldn't sent a gift as well. We figured for their venue that would cover our cost of our plates if we had went plus some. However since we did rsvp that we couldn't make it we didn't really have a plate to cover. Had we gone we probably would've give a little more....or maybe we should've sent more since we weren't having the added cost of travel/hotel. Oh well too late now.

When talking to friends in our location they usually figure around $50.00 per person. Anything we get will be lovely I can't expect that we will get a certain amount. It's not like what we get will cover all that we cost, so anything we do get we will just put in the bank toward a down payment on a house.

Edited for this last thought: I went back and re-read peoples responses. I too feel that now that we are a little older we would give what would could at the time depending on the relationship we had with them. Also, I think a lot of people go with their gift amount already set, so you could arrive and find out that it's so extravagant due to xyz that you didn't see on the venue website or you could go thinking it's over the top due to how you saw pictures on the venue website, however the couple chose to do the bare minimum. Unless I went someplace and felt taken away by their wedding I don't think I would add money to the gift? I think that if a friends wedding was around the same time as ours that I would probably gift them what they gifted us? I wouldn't want to do less and they feel that they gave x amount and why didn't we but I wouldn't want to give more and see as if I was 'showing off'

No - but DH tries to, and I hate that "rule."

I feel you should give what you can. If that means a $0.99 card with well wishes for the couple, or a fat check, the couple should be grateful regardless. I don't believe a wedding invitation should be treated as a bill or an expectation for a gift - it's simply an invitation to celebrate with the couple.

I didn’t think there would be that many different answers and different price ranges.

Let me clear up some possible misconceptions: This is not for me to “calculate” what we will get and in no means am I even expecting gifts or money.

Our wedding is under 10k and I was just wondering how some of you ladies personally gift and if it would be different.

Just some points that were raised: I didn’t know about “the hated rule” until WW as well but I have looked into it before and it seems like its common in certain areas. (Not in Phoenix, that I’m aware of) I’ve also heard of people “turning down” an invitation because they “couldn’t cover their meal” and felt it would be rude to give less so I guess it really all just ranges from anyone that you ask.

I’m assuming if someone “covers their meal” then they give based on some average CPP that they are aware of. My co-worker went to a wedding in NY and we couldn’t believe how much it was costing them because of the venues but they could afford it because they are private sector attorneys there so I would assume that they wouldn’t expect the “rule” to be followed but I wondered how some of you ladies would gift or give in this type of wedding verses a smaller one.

If a guest wishes to do this I have no problem. If a couple expects it I find it reprehensible.

I give what I feel is appropriate and it has nothing to do with the cost of the plate. If I had 2 BFFs getting married and one had a backyard BBQ reception and one had a ballroom, top shelf open bar, black tie wedding, they would most likely receive the same amount. Someone's vision of their wedding doesn't dictate my checkbook.

Heres my gifting rule: i look at my bank account the week before the wedding, and decide if i can afford a gift. If i can afford to i look at the couples registry and pick up something they havent gotten yet. If i cant afford anything, i give a nice card. All my money is going to bills and my own wedding expenses currently.

I rarely know how much the wedding is going to cost, or how much it did cost after the fact. DH and I write checks or buy gifts before attending; it has nothing to do with the cost of the wedding and everything to do with our relationship to the couple.

My gifts depend on the couple and how well we know them. We usually do around $100, more if they are good friends. My mom, husband and I went to a friend's wedding and spent over $500 in gas and hotel because it was a holiday wedding and out of town. I think we spent $100 on the gift. My mom ended up buying more because she felt your gift should reflect the wedding.

BUT, I feel that some consideration should be taken for what guests are spending to attend the wedding. I feel the same about my wedding. I was not expecting gifts from friends who traveled to the wedding.

I also don't think the guest should be expected to spend more just because the bride and groom decide on a lavish affair. I will spend what is in my budget to spend. When I was in college I think I bought my cousin one cup and saucer from their china set. Keep in mind, the cup and saucer equaled $75 and I was working 2 jobs and going to school full time. Also, my sister and I combined our gifts together so we didn't seem so "cheap"

I give what I can afford. $50 for a shower gift ($100 for someone close) and $100 for a wedding. I've never been invited to a wedding where I don't really know the couple well but if I was it would be $50 or $75 gift.

Ugh. This rule is so backwards to me. Why should FH and I be out $300 just because someone wanted to have a super fancy wedding? Why shouldn't my best friend, who saved for a year to scrape together enough for BBQ and beer, get less of a gift?

Like others, I give what I feel like and am able to. A lot of factors go into it, including how close I am to the couple, if I have to travel or otherwise spend a lot of money to get to their wedding, and how much money FH can spare at that particular time. A year ago, when I was just a full time student and living off a super tiny grad student stipend, it was a lot less than what it is now that I have a full time job. Sure, I feel bad about the gifts I gave back then. But hopefully my friends and family didn't judge me for it.

Give what you can based on what you can afford and how close you are to the couple.

We give a gift based on our relationship to the couple. Usually $50-100 cash. Based on what we received for our cash gifts, $50-100 is average on what we received too. I've never heard of the "cover your plate" rule before I saw it here.

$50 and up depending on how well we know them

We usually give $100. At our wedding that was about the average, but some people only gave $20. We Didn't care since we were just happy they came. We had a registry for our showers, but only 1 person gave us an actual gift, everyone else gave cash or checks.

I give whatever I can or what I think the couple would like, I don't go by any rules nor do I expect anyone to do anything lavish for us at our wedding.

Just curious where you ladies are from. Most of you (not all) say you try to cover the plate, about $50-$100 per person. My wedding 25 years ago was $65 a plate and that was on the inexpensive side. I'm in Staten Island, NY. Between here, Brooklyn and Jersey, your not getting a plate for under $175 and that's a Sunday twilight, lol. So If my husband and I have a wedding to attend it usually cost about $400 to feed us. I cannot afford a $400 gift for a co worker.