Do i Still Send Them Invitations?

I would because it's letting them know that if the situation was such that they were able to attend, they would still be invited.

I still would. I had several people tell me in advance they weren’t coming but I sent out invites and they suddenly changed their mind.

Are you sure she meant she wasn’t coming or did she mean she’s out of the bridal party? I would still send it probably.

I would still send them an invitation, just in case their plans change, they'll know that they're still invited.

I can see the pp's points but I would not. For my bridal brunch since I have two friends that are doing as much self isolation as possible due to COVID I would not invite them just because. I mean I would maybe ask if they would come if you sent them an invite. That is money on your end and if they are not willing to do I would not invite just because.

View Quoted Comment She’s been trying to get me to postpone the wedding since June. And she would have to fly from Colorado to coastal Virginia.


And his groomsman flat out said he wasn’t coming since he lives with his parents and doesn’t want to potentially expose them to covid.
I respect both of their decisions. Which is why I don’t want them to feel like I’m guilt tripping them or pressuring them with the invitation after the fact, you know?

View Quoted Comment I get it! Maybe ask them through text or a phone call to be sure? And tell them you’re sending your invites out and don’t want them to feel left out so you just wanted to make sure. And that you respect if they don’t feel comfortable because of Covid

Hmm this is a interesting one as I can see both sides. If you are having a virtual component to your wedding I'd recommend sending them an invitation to that. If not, then I'd send them maybe a special wedding announcement with a thank you for supporting your marriage and extending warm wishes of good health. If it were me, I'd also note that we'll share photos/video with them soon. Just to help everyone feel included

An invitation is just that. An invitation that if you are able to attend, your presence would be appreciated and enjoyed. It is not a summons by any means.

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I do love that you can see the other side. I've been viewing my invites as forcing people to feel like they must come to this event in this crazy time - which they absolutely do not need to. We've had several key people drop, including one of my bridesmaids (coming from Switzerland...yeaaaaaah, I honestly told *her* not to plan on coming for her own safety.) I didn't send an invite to her - she's in the know, we've discussed it and are on the same page. Given how close you guys probably are, I think you're good to not send - just keep communication open through the RSVP and if things suddenly change, then you can add them informally!

View Quoted Comment I totally understand that. But to me, sending the invite after they clearly said they won’t be there feels like I’m ignoring what they said or don’t respect it.


But on the other hand, I don’t want them to feel like they wouldn’t be welcome if they changed their minds.... stupid covid making things beyond stressful. 🤬

View Quoted Comment I like that idea Emily.
I was already working out how to live stream the ceremony for the folks I knew wouldn’t be able to come due to health and finances even before covid.

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Yes - I really keep wondering if I should try to scramble and get this together for next week. I'll have to take a look around and maybe set something up - we've had a lot of drops (especially with my partner's family) and it's a little heart breaking that they won't get to see the ceremony.

I think that when someone makes a point of communicating something in person or in written form like declining an invitation, it is impolite to just disregard what they tell you. An adult who knows their own mind should be respected, and not have to be put in the position of having to tell you a second time later on. And yes, a lot would receive the invitation and feel like you were either being pushy, or maybe hoping if you felt bad you would send a gift, or think you were trying to guilt them into coming after all. ..... When someone asks you a question, and you give an answer they may not want to hear, do you like it when they ignore it, and later come back and ask you again? Most people don't. .... It is fine to tell these people that you are sorry they cannot come, and that if their circumstances change they should let you know. 🙂 But then, show them the respect of listening to them and acting on their request.
I cannot come = I decline = I have replied, don't ask again.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Judith. That was the way I was leaning but it’s nice hear from someone else.

If they affirmatively declined, I wouldn't send an invite. It may come off as passive aggressive.

View Quoted Comment That was my concern...and I don’t want to damage the friendships.


I think I’ve figured it out now. Thank you everyone!

I invited a friend who lives across the country, one of my best friends. She told me when I asked her to be a bridesmaid that she wouldn’t be able to make it. I sent her an invite anyway with a note in it saying something like I know you can’t make it but i still wanted to include you/didn’t forget about you. She really appreciated it.
Your situation might be a little different. But, it’s an option for you.

Yikes, that was a rude way for her to say that.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I did this with a couple of distant relatives who could not possibly come. With notes, like, Grandmother, this is a keepsake, and so you know I am thinking of you. . It never hurts to send a sweet message or a memento invitation that clearly is not simply asking them to come, you know they cannot. And that kind of invitation can also be sent with a wedding picture and a wedding announcement card, after the fact.