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Emma
Super October 2020

Do i put my life on hold for my best friend?

Emma, on October 18, 2020 at 9:51 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 39
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So we got married 10/03. My best friend got engaged in July. They are planning a May wedding. They haven’t don’t anything yet. They have to wait till November (financially) to book their venue, without even knowing if they’ll be able to book for May.
Me and my husband knew we wanted to start trying for kids shortly after getting married. My friend said to me “just don’t get pregnant before my wedding” at first I thought she was kidding but she’s said it multiple times. I can see where she’s coming from because she wants me to be her matron of honor (she was my MOH) and I guess that’d be a problem? I’m not 100% sure. If I were to get pregnant this cycle (unlikely) that’d be a end of July baby. I don’t think that’s to close to May. But it seems like she wants me to wait till they book a date and then, based off her wedding day, try to get pregnant. She literally told me “I mean it’d be fine if you were like 3 months pregnant but not 6” I’m so confused

39 Comments

Latest activity by Marcia, on October 30, 2020 at 4:12 PM
  • L
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    Congratulations on your recent wedding! I don't think you should let anyone tell you when you're "allowed" to have a child. That decision is completely up to you and your husband. I don't see how your MOH duties would be affected by it either. I think you and your husband should talk it out and make a decision for yourselves, but in my opinion, you're not obligated to wait just because she asked you to.
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  • Emma
    Super October 2020
    Emma ·
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    Thank you so much!
    That’s how I feel as well. Plus what if we have trouble getting pregnant? I don’t want to wait 6 months till her wedding and then try and find out we need to see a fertility doctor. We’ve basically decided to start trying this cycle and just not tell anyone
    • Reply
  • L
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I think that's a good decision! You and your husband need to do what is best for you guys. Like you said, it may not even happen right away. Though if it does happen and she says something about it, I would remind her that you can't ask her to move her wedding date sooner to accommodate you, so she shouldn't ask you to wait to start a family.
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  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    My husband and I are trying as well. We dont know how long it will take to actually get pregnant. Its not up to anyone else to tell us when we get pregnant. My best friend who was my MOH was pregnant during my wedding, it didn't make a difference. She still had fun. She left the reception a bit early but honestly if I were in her shoes I probably would of too. She wants me to get pregnant ASAP because she wants us to be pregnant together lol.
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  • Emma
    Super October 2020
    Emma ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    I think my friend might be most upset about the fact that originally me and FH talked about waiting a year and trying around September, which is when she wants to try for a baby.
    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Ahh. Things do change. And thats ok.
    • Reply
  • R
    Super September 2018
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    If it were my best friend, I’d gently ask what her concerns were regarding a potential pregnancy. And then listen. Do not debate or defend and don’t use phrases like ‘putting my life on hold’ (that’s a bit dramatic and you are both under heightened emotions given these are big life milestones we’re talking about here). Once you have a better understanding of her concerns you can plan and respond accordingly.


    I don’t know your relationship, but she could be concerned about your health. For example she may worry you’ll have to miss the wedding to protect the health of your pregnancy or because you’ll be too close to your delivery date or unable to travel, etc, etc. Or she wants to share these milestones along with you. Or she’s completely vain and doesn’t prefer the look of a pregnant bridesmaid. But with better understanding why she’s saying the things she’s saying you can better respond as a friend to support her and also support yourself.
    FWIW, we had two couples who were expecting close to our wedding date. One had had the baby almost a month before the wedding date and responded optimistically that they’d attend the wedding and then no-showed. While we understood it was a hard decision for them to make, we were still bummed as they are close friends of ours. I also have a few friends who are or have been pregnant during COVID and it sounds quite lonely as you’re limited in some of the gathering and celebrating you can do. Some ladies weren’t even allowed to bring their partners with them to appointments. 😔
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Alli ·
    • Flag
    I would not base starting a family around someone else- ever. I was considerate when planning my wedding with my best friend since elementary and we spaced out our destination weddings 2 weeks apart- super expensive, but I’m like it is what it is, this way we can attend each others wedding. She ended up calling off the wedding and engagement 3 months before the wedding because the F father in law wouldn’t pay the $50K for her dream wedding 🙄
    Long story short, do what you want to do! Lol
    Best wishes 🤍
    • Reply
  • Givemeallthepups
    Expert February 2020
    Givemeallthepups ·
    • Flag
    I would do what timing feels right for you and your husband. You have so many things to think about already when deciding when is right to start a family, your friend’s wedding shouldn’t add to that.


    I, personally, would keep that you’re trying to conceive to yourself and only tell her once you’re pregnant. It will be more difficult for her to make negative comments about it once you’ve clearly already decided what timing works for you.
    • Reply
  • Christina
    Devoted July 2020
    Christina ·
    • Flag
    No friend should ever tell you not to get pregnant because of their day... I had a pregnant bridesmaid it is no big deal.
    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    My MOH was 6 months pregnant at my wedding and it in no way interfered with anything. She just drank something non-alcoholic for her toast. There was a little bit if guesswork for her dress since this was her first pregnancy and we didn't know what size her belly would be, but luckily the dress was very flowy and forgiving of growth. I really don't see how your family planning should be put on hold for a wedding, especially one that hasn't even been scheduled yet.
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  • Dedicated June 2021
    ·
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    Congrats to you and your husband!

    I don't think your friend was in the right to tell you not to get pregnant. She stepped way out of her boundary lines. Starting a family is a decision for you and your husband to make no one else. Also, life is so uncertain, take this year for an example. No one knew a global pandemic would hit. The main lesson this year taught me is to do the things you want to do now because life is unpredictable.

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  • Lisa
    Expert October 2021
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    No one has the right to tell you when is a good time for you & your husband to get pregnant besides the two of you. How would being pregnant interfere with her day? And why does it matter? Yes you may be tired & can’t drink, but you can still be there by her side and celebrate. I think it’s very selfish.


    Congratulations to you on your marriage!
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  • Hanna
    Super June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    You and your husband need to do what's best for your family. In my opinion, weddings should never trump pregnancies. One of my bridesmaids was pregnant and sure, she had to leave our rehearsal dinner a bit early to rest, needed to sit down more than others during the reception, and couldn't drink, but it really wasn't an issue. You have no idea if you will have trouble getting pregnant or not! We're currently trying for our first and so far 5 months with no luck...so yes I'm biased but your friend's request rubs me in the wrong way. Please do what is best for YOU and YOUR family and I don't see how it will interfere with your friend's wedding.

    • Reply
  • Apryl
    Savvy March 2022
    Apryl ·
    • Flag
    You and your husband should do what is best for you two. Point blank period. Your friend is over stepping by asking you to delay parenthood her for her wedding.
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Super August 2021
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    I don't think what she says should have any impact on you trying for a baby. Theres no reason you can't be a pregnant moh. Besides that even if you were to wait a few months to find out if she can book thats no guarantee she'll actually be able to follow through with her wedding with the way the world is right now.
    • Reply
  • Minimalist Bride
    Master April 2021
    Minimalist Bride ·
    • Flag
    Do what is best for you and your hubby.
    • Reply
  • M
    Super October 2022
    Michele ·
    • Flag
    Live your life on your terms. No one has any room to pressure to do what they prefer instead.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    The thing with pregnancy is it doesn’t mean you’ll get pregnant right away - I don’t think you should put your plans on hold for her wedding that hasn’t been set yet.
    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    Wow I can’t believe your friend would even ask that of you. You and your husband should do what works for you guys. If you get pregnant and she doesn’t want you in the wedding that says a lot about your friendship.
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