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J
Just Said Yes August 2020

Do i need to have my fbil as a groomsman?

John, on September 24, 2019 at 3:45 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 22

Hey everyone, probably quite strange for a groom to be an OP on here, but I need some help. To be blunt-I don't want my fiances brother to be a groomsman or an usher. In addition to him and I not being close, he's quite unstable mentally and I'm extremely worried about him even coming to the wedding...

Hey everyone, probably quite strange for a groom to be an OP on here, but I need some help. To be blunt-I don't want my fiances brother to be a groomsman or an usher. In addition to him and I not being close, he's quite unstable mentally and I'm extremely worried about him even coming to the wedding as a guest. Though my lovely soon-to-be wife shares these thoughts with me, her parents don't, at all. The last wedding we attended, where my fiancé was the MOH, her brother started a fight with another guest who loudly cheered during an awkward moment in my fiances moh speech(it was funny). He was a guest at this wedding and I can only imagine how he would act at ours, especially if he had a role higher than guest. He's older than my fiancé, yet lives in his parents basement, has never had a job, and has the social skills of a teenager (pouting for his way, fighting, ect.).

My real questions are: Do you think other guests will think its disrespectful I don't have him as a groomsman? Also-I've seriously considered hiring a "bouncer" that specifically watches his temperament. Has anyone ever heard of hiring someone as such?


Thanks!

22 Comments

  • C
    Dedicated October 2019
    Caitlin ·
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    I wouldn't put him in. I got conned into putting my unstable SIL in as a bridesmaid and I have regretted it ever since. As far as the bouncer goes, do it! We're hiring an off-duty police officer as venue security (our venue requires this if we're serving alcohol), but we're also providing the officer with photos of a few family members that ARE NOT welcome at our wedding in case they decide to crash.

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  • Heather
    Expert August 2020
    Heather ·
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    The groomsmen are your choice, just as the bridesmaids are your FW’s choice. If you aren’t close with your FBIL then no one is going to think the less of you for not putting him in the party. And if they do, they should really mind their business, because it’s not their place. My FSIL isn’t a bridesmaid because at the time we got engaged we were not close. Now we are and I wish I had made her one, but she will be there the day of and that’s all that matters. And if you are concerned about him making a scene, you and your FW should sit down with the venue and discuss some options to combat it. Best of luck!
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