Diying everything

I agree with the previous post’s, it’s time for a sit down and an in depth conversation of what both of you find most important for your wedding. It’s not really possible to have a wedding and spend “nothing”, you can most certainly have a wedding on a budget but the budget is something you need to agree upon. If spending the money isn’t much of an option right now and you want to have a traditional wedding then you may want to consider waiting longer and saving, or opt for a courthouse ceremony to save on cost.


DIY when done right can be helpful with budgeting but it can also be overwhelming and can end up being costly if your not careful with your budgeting. Good luck, communication is key!

Basically it has to be a backyard wedding which is totally fine as long as that's what you both want. Our venue is $3000 alone and sure we are a bit more settled in careers and what not but we are still trying to keep a budget which we have already gone over.


I agree a sit down and heart to heart about what is important to you both and why is essential.

Do you need a permit for the backyard wedding with the guest list size?


My cousin was going to do a backyard wedding and had to get one. She ultimately decided to renting a venue. The homeowners wanted her parents to sign a contract saying they were liable if someone gets injured on their property. My aunt and uncle felt uncomfortable with that.

View Quoted Comment I admire the creativity on a lot of this, but it really caught my eye that you said YOU would be cooking the dinner. Pure curiosity, wouldn't cooking for 75 be time consuming and make you all sweaty? I'm not someone to spend hours on hair/makeup, but couldn't imagine cooking on your own wedding day!

View Quoted Comment I'm precooking everything the night before, kind of like casseroles and then having someone put them in the oven the day of. It would make me very sweaty and theres not a whole lot of time the day of the wedding so that would be hard. Haha.

What exactly is your fiance doing to help with wedding preparations other than "not letting" you spend any money?


A PP was spot on. You need to figure out how to budget, communicate, and compromise together. If your FH is content to sit back and watch you slave away to save every cent, then you have bigger problems than wedding planning.
I love a good backyard wedding, but sometimes it's easier to hire someone else for certain tasks, such as catering.
Is he controlling or cheap in other aspects of your relationship?

DIY everything? If he won’t provide any of the money, then he needs to provide the help. That’s just how it works. You should NOT be expected to do it all on your own. Where are your guest going to sit? Is he going to build all the benches or make you do it on your own?

So he doesn't want a wedding because it takes money to do that, even for a courthouse wedding which is literally the cheapest available option.

It sounds like he is a bit out of touch with reality tbh. Yes, it is entirely possible to come out under budget, but at what cost? Please dont lose your sanity over a wedding. Maybe have a conversation with him about meeting you half way. Mine has moments where hes kind of similar, but I always tell him I dont make prices, which usually results in him planning to help more. Also the longer he pushes off $15 of candle stuff today, its just another 15 hes gonna have to drop later when everything else adds up.

You need to talk. This is more than a wedding planning. As someone stated i dont like the language of "he dont let me" this is a relationship where both need to talk and work together no one Is above the other

My fiance thought spending $2k on a photographer was insane... until I showed him other going rates in our area.
I think you probably just need to sit down and have a good old fashioned argument about it.

Putting in another flag here for "he won't let me". The wedding is actually the least of your worries - you need to see eye-to-eye and have enough flexibility in your spending habits and budgeting - for the rest of your lives together. You may not agree on the value of everything, and whether it is worth spending a certain dollar amount on, but you are also both adults and need to learn how to compromise and listen to what the other person needs.

I always look at spending as subtractive - if I save here I can spend the savings on that instead. If I splurge here it needs to come out of somewhere. Agree how much you want to spend and how you plan to save for it together relative to your regular budget - is that ramen and veggies for the next few months? No going out for movies? Dropping some subscription? Figure out which things will take you the most time that will subtract from your enjoyment of the day, how much it will cost you to delegate it/hire a vendor/ask a friend/taskrabbit it and agree together that those 5 hours of your time and stress *on your wedding day and the days leading up to it with friends/family in town* are worth a certain amount. DIY the things you really want to do because it is special to you and you think you will enjoy doing. Money can be earned back. If you are both *diligent* about the savings and budgeting plan, you can take a 0% APY promotion credit card to stretch out how long you have to pay for the wedding expenses - just don't ever let this slide because the interest will NOT be worth it, and be realistic about how much you can save to pay it down in time. For example, don't go crazy past your original budget, say instead of aiming for 3k up front you're aiming for 5k, where you know you can comfortably afford the 3k and you can easily save 2k with 1 extra year to do it in.

The wedding is just practice for your financial literacy and communication as a couple!

I totally understand! We are also paying for our own wedding and have decided to do a small simple ceremony first and a few months later host an open house celebration. My fiance~ I feel was very similar to yours until together we went through and made a list of what we absolutely need and then we priced out what we are willing to spend. Basically I had him go item by item and say what he thought would be reasonable and then when he saw it add up he wasn't as resistant! My city hosts an event that is a bridal garage sale in 2 weeks and I'm hoping to find some good deals there. Maybe you have something like that there or at least facebook marketplace? Best wishes!

Having been through this process once before (though admittedly it was a long time ago) I remember all the stress that goes along with the planning. And that was with a partner who basically agreed with everything - he was involved, as he wanted a wedding too. Maybe your fiancé wants the marriage and not necessarily the wedding - but he needs to take your feelings into account. If you don't mind me saying, he seems more concerned with finances rather than your feelings. And that to me says a lot. You guys really need to talk things out. It seems as though you're on way different pages here.

I've heard some horror stories about online dresses, so be careful about getting your dress from the internet. There are many places where you can get a second-hand wedding dress for little cost. Check out https://www.preownedweddingdresses.com, or search for wedding thrift shops in your area. I got my dress for a fraction of the retail price from a non-profit in my area where the proceeds from the dress sales go to help human-trafficking victims.