Divorced parents of groom and fiancé

I know it may be hard but this day is truly about celebrating your son and his new wife and all focus should be on them and making the day as special and as care free for them as possible. So although you may have strong feelings towards the father and his fiance I would try to keep the peace life is about experiences and learning and growing from them I think that both the groom and bride would appreciate you as well as them being civil and making your best efforts to put differences aside and show your love and support for them on their wedding day Remember is you are getting stressed in a situation or uncomfortable it's okayto walk away and recollect yourself Good luck I think that it may be a test for you but you can keep the day peaceful and still enjoy yourself as well

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Thank you and that is what I am trying to do.

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I agree with this 100%. My fiancé's parents are divorced and my future mother-in-law has made our entire wedding about having to see her ex-husband and his new wife at the rehearsal dinner and wedding. It has hurt me and her son more than she knows, but she's also a pretty self-absorbed person. You're all adults so there shouldn't be an issue, assuming the two of them aren't spiteful and looking to cause drama. If they are, your son will handle it and know that you didn't take part in it. I know it may be uncomfortable, but it will mean the world to your son for you to keep your composure and enjoy his wedding day with him.

I am so sorry. The affair partner should take a back seat, but she has no shame. Do you have someone to sit with? Other siblings?

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Wow I appreciate your understanding of my situation. I do not have anyone else to sit with. The only other family member attending is my daughter and she is in the wedding.

Thank you !

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Sorry, I am totally not self absorbed at all. I would not be reaching out for help with counseling and this website. The ex and "other woman" are not married. I know we are all adults and I am doing the best I can with the situation. At first the ex wouldn't let her come, she broke up with him, now she is coming. He and I don't easily communicate. He has no relationship with any of our 3 grown kids except the one getting married and it is very much on the surface. I am not sure where they are to sit at the rehearsal dinner and appreciate any helpful ideas regarding such.

I just need any advice that is helpful other than general statements that are obvious. The brides side is broken as well. This has been the situation on her side for a long time and everyone has at least met before. Also the bride and I have a very close relationship as well as my son and me. Again, I am doing the best I can to make it their perfect wedding, it's not about me. Thanks

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I wasn't calling you self-absorbed, I'm so sorry if that's how it came across! I was referring to MY future mother-in-law in our situation, I don't think you're making it about you in the slightest (she definitely is). I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to be a little uneasy about the idea of seeing your ex-husband and his fiancé. I'm sure your son will be more than accommodating to be sure he doesn't seat you with them, I don't think he or the bride would want to put you in an uncomfortable situation like that. Honestly, I would just look at those two as just two more guests at the wedding. Enjoy your son's wedding day with no regard to your ex-husband and his fiancé, I'm sure your son and future daughter-in-law will be more than appreciative of your support in this situation

View Quoted Comment THIS. 100%. My mom has done the same thing - my dad cheated on her with my now stepmom - and it has killed me because at some points she's made me feel like I might have no choice but to pick between my parents on the most important day of my life. I know it's tough. I was the one who picked my mom back up after her nightmare of a divorce, so I am not unsympathetic. And I love that woman with all of my heart.



She is currently working on relaxing and accepting that he will be there and honored as father of the bride. If you get overwhelmed by seeing them, take a breath and take a step back. No one expects you to be magically over it, but this day needs to be about them. It should be a celebration. Try to focus on enjoying yourself, maybe see if your son will allow you to bring a good friend. And see if your son will allow you to sit with some family in between you and them at the ceremony- my mom requested that and it seemed fair enough.

I'm so sorry. It's clear you are trying hard to be mindful of the B&G's feelings, and that is both commendable, and honestly on this forum, kind of rare. Good for you! No matter how stressful the situation is, take solace in the fact that you are doing all you can to do the right thing for your son & FDIL. Our SIL's parents are divorced, and especially from his mother's perspective it is not at all amicable. She has frequently put our sweet SIL in the middle of difficult situations or cancelled last minute on important events for him (like his college graduation celebration). He always says, "it doesn't matter," but it's clear how much her behavior hurts him. It's awesome that you are not at all like her! Daughter and SIL were very concerned about how things would go at the wedding, but just hoped for the best and tried to "stack the deck" where they could. FOB and I primarily hosted the entire thing, so based on daughter & SIL's preferences we did everything we could to keep his parents as far apart as possible. FOG also brought a woman who was definitely a sore spot with his mom. My one recommendation is that if at all possible, you should be allowed to invite someone to accompany you (even if behind the scenes you "pay" your son and FDIL for that person's expenses, if they are paying for the wedding). It should be someone you are close to, who will absolutely be your support -- so perhaps a sister or best friend or whomever. SIL's mom does not currently have a significant other in her life, but her also single sister was invited, and we just made sure they were always together -- seated together at the rehearsal dinner, seated next to each other in the front row of the ceremony (with MOG's sister and a couple other family members separating her from FOG at the far end of the same row). At the reception, FOG and his guests were at a table on one side of the room and we had MOG and her sister at our table (MOB, FOB, and our close friends) on the other side. We even did the place cards so MOG's back was toward FOG, so she didn't even have "to look at him...." Generally, things went well (although, SIL did hear after they got back from their honeymoon that MOG had confronted FOG's "friend" in the ladies room [and may have "punched" her...]). Thankfully, none of the rest of us knew anything about that until after the fact. Like I said, see what you can build into the arrangements to give yourself some much needed support, and take pride that you are taking the high road in a difficult situation. Good luck to you!

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I truly appreciate your comments. I will be fine I am sure and will do my best to make the bride and groom comfortable. They certainly do not need any drama. Thanks this was very helpful.

You don't need to be friends, but definitely being cordial is the way to go.

This is a celebration of your wonderful son and his bride-to-be, revel in it!

When the day comes, you'll be way more focused on the actual wedding than your ex husband. I think being in counseling is great!

All our parents and grandparents are divorced and remarried (some redivorced) and it was very frustrating when they were rude and catty throughout the planning process. We love all of them and wanted their support on our special day. Luckily no one was dramatic or hateful the day of. But some wouldn’t even come because they were bitter, which only hurt me and my now husband. You don’t have to chat or hang out but the best thing you can do is smile and be pleasant and support your son.