Divorced parents, Mom helping with wedding, hurt feelings (UPDATE!)

@MelissaHH I so appreciate your insight though! And like I said, maybe I'm wrong but based on how she's acted I don't think I am.

Another idea I had to include her since we are doing a Greek wedding crowning ceremony is to have her and FMIL be our koumbari (help with the ceremony and lead us around the alter during our first steps as Husband and wife) but FMIL hates attention and I'm afraid she may not go for it.

@Candice, How would that work? Would she walk down halfway by herself and wait while bridal party walked down?

Someone could walk her right before you and kind of drop her off and then you and dad can meet her. If there is a split in the aisle that would be ideal so she could be off to the side for the first part of your walk.

@OP my oldest nephew escorted her in, then the bridesmaids came in, our FG and RBs, then me and my dad. She stood and walked toward to us when we got to the front and they both gave me away. My father responded "her mother and I do" to the "who gives this woman" question, but if your parents are together, "we do" may be more appropriate. I actually asked my mom to walk with us since she I'd absolutely my best friend, but she didn't want to take that moment from my dad. So we compromised!

I know lots of people hate the "archaic" tradition of giving away the bride here. But feminism just as much gives us the choice to do these traditions as much as not to. DH also asked my dad if he could marry me and I wore a blusher. I'm not property but it's about showing respect for the man (and woman - Mom was there when DH asked too) who worked really hard to give me the life I've had. My parents are amazing, supportive people who value tradition (my none of six older siblings did the traditional wedding thing). If they weren't, I probably wouldn't choose to honor them in the ways I have, but I'm so lucky to have them so I'm more than happy to do so. ETA sorry for the soapbox moment! Just an issue that bugs me. If you want your dad by your side and he's a good person (regardless of finances), walk with him. Having mom meet you at the end might make her feel honored too without hurting your dad's feelings about money

@MrsSki thank you SO much for your heartfelt words and the great ideas!!

If this is bothering you so much, why not just walk alone?

I had my dad walk me down the isle becauae, well, thats tradition. And he would've been devastated if he had not walked me down. And he didn't help financially one bit. But he's my dad. Mom knew her place in that situation. Just explain that you want to follow that tradition of dad walking you down and giving you away.

I'm in a similar position! My dad isn't helping us with the wedding financially and my mom is helping us HUGE. I have always told her that I want my dad to walk down the aisle, but every so often she throws in a "if he doesn't contribute a cent, I should be walking you down!" and then it gets awkward! I did sit my mom down recently and talk to her about how important it was for me to walk with my dad. She understands it, and is okay with her husband walking her down the aisle. FH and I are doing something special for her and her husband to thank them, but it isn't something in the wedding. She ended up being fine with that.

I would open the conversation with mom! I think the idea of her being at the end of the aisle and being involved in the giving away piece sounds nice! I also wonder if there's another more significant male in your life who could walk her down? I know it's a tough situation to be in, I'm sorry!

@Becca I eloped with a different man. I want no remnants of that marriage in this one.

@Bemyguest because I don't want to.

@SnowyBride sorry you're going through this too. I'm so glad your mom agreed to walk with her husband. We are mostly females in my family, so there aren't really all that many guys, never mind significant ones. I have great guy friends from college, so it's not like they're just filler. I'm definitely leaning towards having her at the end of the aisle but I don't know if she should walk down first and be seated for the processional, then stand when I walk in or stand through the whole thing!

"I had my dad walk me down the isle becauae, well, that's tradition." ...

"My Mom knew her place in that situation."

So now we're going back centuries, where women "know their place?" Blehhh!!!

Why not have your mom walk down the aisle in the ceremony? I had my Mom walk down first right behind the officiant. She walked with a groomsman who then just took his place at the front. She also stood up with us when the officiant asked who was presenting me. Can't remember what wording he used. Then I gave both my parents hugs and they sat down.

@Erin Wood thank you so much! I like that idea!

It's your day! If you wish to have your Dad give you away then so be it. I know your Mom can put away her ill feelings for ONE day and let you have your wish.

MOB here, I went after officiant with a groomsmen, then other parents with their current spouses, then BM, then kids and then my lovely daughter and her father.

You're correct that having your dad walk you is fine, it has nothing to do with financial contribution. Having them both escort you seems like it would be stressful given that they are not on good terms. My guess is that your wedding is bringing up a lot of sad/angry/mixed feelings in your mom about her own failed marriage and that she's projecting some of that onto you.

Having your mom escorted by your friends is a good option. She could also be escorted by any groomsmen or another male relative, like an uncle or cousin if you have one.

My parents are divorced and dad hasn't really ever been a dad.

I'm having my two brothers walk me down the aisle, and then they are going to stand up on my side. I'm not actually going to have anyone give me away. I'm 41 and at this point... I was given away a long time ago. My mom and dad will aisle with their spouse in the regular procession.

I stressed over this a lot. Mom was the one who suggested my brothers. The thought of it brings tears to my eyes... so I know I'm making the right choice for me

My parents are divorced and I'm walking with both. I think it's becoming way more common and I love the idea of them both being there.

There is no "right" way to do anything in a wedding as long as you are married to your FS at the end. Don't let someone else's tradition cause you to make a decision you will regret later. The only "right" way for you to do a wedding ceremony is in a way that makes r most meaningful to you. That being said, I would consider having both parents walk with me. That is a very good suggestion from PPs. My mom will be part of the processional and when the officiant asks, "who presents this bride for marriage, my dad will say, "her mother and I."

UPDATE: YA'LL ARE THE BEST!

Talked to Mom and she loves the idea of walking down 1st, sitting, then joining my dad at the end of the aisle so they can give me away. THANK YOU for all the ideas and advice!

@OP yay! So glad you were able to find a solution that makes everyone happy!!