What to do?!

Did they directly ask for cash, or was it a word of mouth thing?

Since it's a potluck reception, I think your friend should just give a card along with her dish.

I don't think you're being too hard at all!

Nope. I'd bring food and a card. Maybe if I really really liked them I'd put $25 in it. Food costs money to make. SIL was saying something similar about her wedding. She wants gifts and wants family to make food. IMO it's one or the other. I spent $20 on 3 pies for a work potluck. That was just a couple dozen people. It would probably cost at least 3 or 4 times as much to feed 80 to 120 people so nope I think you get one or the other.

I'd do one or the other honestly. It's not the guests jobs to feed themselves... They are gifting the food to you because you don't hve to make it. I'd probably find a cute picture frame and a card and call it a day... I hate when people say they want money... We literally didn't need anything but figured we could update a few things. So that's what we did. Lol

My friends wedding was just as you are describing. We brought a card and food. No extra money in the card. I'm pretty sure they got a lot of that too.

I believe that the traditional custom of gift giving is that the bride and groom's family pays for everything. The guests should have the option of bringing a physical gift or an envelope with a check or cash or a bond. If guests are "chipping in" financially to have the reception for her by provided food (time and money), then she should not expect anything. If they want to give something extra, that's up to them. I think she has a lot of nerve asking for anything. It should be about love and the folks you care about, regardless of what gifts you are getting. Period.

Thanks ladies, I'm glad I'm not just being mean. =]

J said they told her they were asking for cash... =\

Anyhoo, I hope J at least has some fun! Thanks again!

Your totally not being too mean... thats so rude to ask for cash and also have a potluck! Who are these people! Theyd be lucky to get a card from me

Tell J to bring store brand salsa and chips and call it a day because that's all the bride and groom deserve. The nerve to request their guests to bring food to feed OTHER guests AND money!!! Wolves have better etiquette than this!!!

Honestly, I would not do either. I would not give cash to anyone asking for cash. I am also not the type to go to a potluck wedding.

Now, before anyone bashes me for that comment, Potlucks are not done in my circle of friends. I mean no offense to anyone who loves potlucks.

@Kathy, I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong with a potluck if its a BBQ or a holiday or something (at least in my lower middle class world), but for a wedding, its definitely rude. Weddings are just different, especially because its a gift giving event.

If it was a low key backyard wedding I wouldn't mind bringing a dish tbh. But if I was also required to bring money, I'd be so offended I wouldn't go.

A bucket of beans and a card is enough.

I have no issue with bring a plate for a wedding if that suits the rest of the wedding. (I have been to many)

But asking for money alone is rude. type of reception not being dependent on that.

If it was me I would bring a plate and a card.

Depending on how I knew them might include a small gift or a token bit of money in it.

2 liter of coke and a picture frame?

A potluck is a fun idea, but it should always be in place of the gift. As a broke college student I'd say the dish and the card is all that they need.

I think asking for just money is also rude. Some of the best gifts are thoughtful and homemade and if you just ask for cash you may miss some of those wonderful gifts!

You're totally right. It's rude to ask for cash gifts, and it's even more rude to ask people to come and then not even feed them, making them bring their own food instead. That's just awful.

I'd say she should do whatever she wants, with no regard for their rude demands. Bring a dish, or don't. Bring a small gift, or don't.

I think the qhole thing is strange. I totally get the broke student thing. I am however excited as can be about updating my housewares. We FH and I moved in together it was first apartment for both of us so everything was brand new but not even close to top of the line now we have lived together for almost 6 years so it is time for an update and lets be honest who doesnt love getting a gift

Coming right out and asking for money is just plain rude. No buts about it. If I were in that situation they'd be lucky to get a card and would be very lucky if I attended their wedding at all.

For my wedding. FH & I will be happy with whatever gift we receive. Wether it be a gift or money or just a card or nothing at all. Cause to me, my guest attendance is enough gift for me. If we receive gifts and money. Those are just added bonuses. And myself, sister & a few family members and friends will be doing the reception food ourselves. And if others bring a dish thats fine too but not asking them too. That's totally up to them.

Wow! Just wow! Not being rude at all. Wow...