What to call our ceremony?

My best friend did this.

It was public that they got married but, she had a wedding ceremony months later. She just called it a ceremony, because that's exactly what it was.

@SoontobeDames the wonderful thing about opinions is that we're all entitled to them. Some of us are turned off by this kind of thing. Doesn't mean you have to care. People will do what they want. But don't be surprised when others react to it.

I just wanted to stop by and say this topic was so much more well received on WW in comparison to other forums! Warms my heart to see everyone adulting today!

And while I agree with a lot of what everyone said, I think Celia's comment really hit the nail on the head.

Personally, legal or not, I don't look at signing that marriage license as anything more than a formality. Call it what you want. Get the paperwork signed tomorrow and have your wedding a year from now. I personally wouldn't care and would still come to your wedding, or marriage celebration.

Make sure all your guests know, and they know why. I knew someone who did this because her fiance was about to deploy and they didn't want to leave her behind without benefits.

"If no one knows, then no one can be mad" yeah, ok. I don't like being lied to, and I'm sure no one here does either. Let everyone know that you are married already and plan your celebration.

This may be UO, but I really don't get why people get so upset over this. I know a lot of people that do a really small family only DW ceremony like in the winter and do a reception in the spring/summer for those who weren't there. But I guess a small DW and a courthouse wedding are a little different circumstances. Still. It wouldn't bother me.

Do what you feel in your gut is the right answer. It's your wedding. If anyone gives you hell over it tell them where the door is and send back their gift. If they are that shallow they don't deserve the ground you walk on. In the end it really should not matter what you call it, regardless it a celebration of the commitment you and your partner are making. Good luck my friend!

Melissa, the difference of a destination wedding with family only ,and an at home reception and a "wedding" where they are already married is that everyone knows that they got married. People generally get mad when they are lied to. And with the people who do destination weddings, they generally just throw a party for everyone who could not be there. They generally don't do a whole other ceremony.

@Cryst'l let's try to remember that millions of people fought long and hard to be afforded the opportunity for that "formality" you mentioned.

Since this has turned very hateful.....thank you to those who were nice and gave good ideas. To the ones who said things about lying, never once did I say that I was lying to any of my guests. We told everyone. And NO ONE has once said they aren't coming because we had to go to the courthouse. I guess I have better family and friends.

Call it whatever you want. As a guest who is invited to share your special day I'm there because I am happy for you not to pick apart what you choose to call the day.

No one was hateful, Becca. When you ask a question, expect answers.

I"m not at all dismissing the legality or the gravity of a wedding license; I'm dismissing anyone's right to know when it was signed.

The concept that a celebration later is 'lying' is entirely a construct of the people who need to find something to whine about.

Orrrr it's the construct of people who've spent a lot of money to witness something that already happened and know that others, like them, were pissed to find this out. If only two people in the world found a problem with it, I might agree. But it's clearly way more than that, so maybe dismissing their opinion as nothing but a whine isn't fully accurate. Just a thought.

Then I suggest that anyone who gets an invite ring the hosts up to make sure the license will be signed that day. Or stay home. I mean really, who wants to have food, entertainment, alcohol, good company and festivity for no reason.

Ok I'm biased, but I love everything Celia said!

I'm with those who embrace the opportunities inherent in any "It's been less than ten years since we were legally married -- maybe even less than one year -- but now we're having our real wedding" thread. Sorry, but I think it's owed to the millions of people who were, for far too long, denied their basic civil rights. They would have literally kissed the ground of their ceremony venues -- from the public parks to the steps of the Capitol -- if the government had decided, long ago, that they had no damn business making love a political issue. Whenever I hear a legal wedding being treated as a consolation prize, and when the follow-up is called "my real wedding" -- I tend to get defensive.

That being said, you are not having a wedding, Becca, something I assume you already know as you put the word "wedding" in quotation marks. It's not my business to issue any judgment related to the amount of times or ways in which private citizens choose to host events celebrating their union. I'll design and deliver flowers for your first wedding or your third vow renewal (as long as your check clears).

However, I have to ask, what do you mean when you say, "We are doing more than a reception."? Are you having a bridal party, walking the aisle, and repeating the vows, just as if it were the first time, on October 22? If you do, the sun will rise the morning of the 23rd, so you're not threatening humanity. However, you're married. That's a statement of fact and history. You can't marry him a second time unless the meat in the sandwich is a divorce. It was done, sealed, signed, and it will cost you a mint to undo it. I don't know who knows, who doesn't know, or who cares about your marital status, but I am a proponent of honesty. There is no shame in owning your situation, so I'd be completely honest -- and that might require me to reconfigure whatever you're planning to project during your ceremony. I know that some people won't put forth the effort and expense to attend a vow renewal or Celebration of Marriage, but that's their issue, not your issue.

I received an invitation to a family wedding about four years ago. It said nothing about a ceremony, but it did contain all of the reception information. I was so confused by what it didn't say that I called a family member and asked if they received ceremony information. I was told that the couple had been married three weeks ago and in another state -- a state that was far enough to preclude those extended family members in NY from attending. Ahhh...got it.

What I attended, along with the majority of my extended family, was a fantastically hosted "Celebration of Marriage". There were no spotlight dances, no sweetheart table, and no announcements, but what they did have was at least eight food stations (including beef and turkey), a full, top shelf open bar, music, dancing, dessert, and a videotape of the wedding ceremony playing on a large screen in the back of the room. The bride wore her gown, the groom wore his tux, and the bridal party wore their wedding day outfits.

It made sense. It was, truly, a celebration of marriage, and I was honored to be invited. However, if I found out that I had attended a play -- a re-enactment of something that can only happen once -- I wouldn't have appreciated it. Give your guests credit -- they can handle the truth. There's so much damn misery in this world, who's going to dismiss an opportunity to gather together with family in the name of love? Not me. Weddings, at least in my family, are a blast. I love any excuse to get together with my people, and I so appreciate their excellent hosting. Just be honest...call it a celebration of marriage. I can help you find the perfect wording for your invitations if you need help.

ETA: Removal of some random word that didn't belong.

Centerpiece wins again!

I understand why so many say "why do you care? It doesn't affect you." I would feel that way if I hadn't been a BM for a friend who had, for lack of a better term, a PPD. She got married several months before her "wedding" and didn't tell anyone other than her parents and those of us in the wedding. I was excited for her and supported her along the way... but the day of, it felt wrong. I couldn't help but feel that I was playing a supporting role in a play. It wound up leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

Also, as someone who is non-religious and had what was essentially a courthouse wedding outside the courthouse, I find it offensive to make statements that seem to say that civil weddings aren't real. Like Centerpiece said, there's a reason certain groups have fought so hard for the right to be LEGALLY married.

OP, please call it a Celebration of Marriage.

@Centerpiece I knew I loved you! I agree with every single word.

@Jess I, too, was a bridesmaid in one of these, but unlike your bride, my bride didn't even tell the bridal party that she had been married for a year (and it wasn't even a courthouse wedding; she had a wedding with immediate family a year prior, but never said anything so she could have her big destination wedding the following year). A lot of people were unhappy when they found out after the fact.

I think celebration of marriage or reaffirmation of marriage works just fine. If people ask if you are already married, though, do not lie.

H and I were asked to stand in a wedding which took place last month. We found out at the beginning of April that the couple would be getting married in the middle of April: Two months before their "wedding date".

Not only did we have to take additional time off to go to the first ceremony, we spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, gifts, hotel rooms and other travel accommodations for the wedding planned for June.

One usher drove 10 hours to be at the June ceremony just days after he found out they were already married. He had to take two days off of work, buy a $200 tux, pay for two nights in a hotel... The expenses go on and on. He commented to H and I wondering why he should spend $1000 to be present at a wedding that already happened.

If asked, do not lie to your guests.

To those of you who say they wouldn't care:

If you had thousands of dollars invested, you would care.

Because everyone was kept in the dark, the bridal shower and bachelorette party were AFTER the actual wedding.

Just please think about all of the angles.

(If there are errors, use your imagination. I am on mobile using talk to text.)