Sticking with etiquette and using the woman’s name

I feel like its either Mr. and Mrs. John Smith or just John & Mary Smith, no Mr/Mrs.

I wrote mine as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith..they're married. She had the option of keeping her maiden name if she was more modern and chose not to.

I couldn't even imagine not taking my husband's name.

Is Mr. And Mrs. Smith not appropriate?

To clarify, I’m not talking about changing my name. I’m talking about including both the man and the woman’s names on the invitation.

View Quoted Comment I see nothing wrong with it, but I’ve typically seen first names as well. This might be a good solution though.

I put the woman's name, too. She's still a person! That's my thinking, and I would want my name on the invitations.
I left off the Mr. And Mrs.

I feel weird writing it the traditional way too, but am going to stick with it.

Most of our friends have hypenated last names or they didn't take their husbands last names so we are dealing with it on a case by case basis

Older/more conservative relatives - Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

Unmarried couples/Wife has her own last name - Mr John Smith and Mrs. Jane Doe

Married Hyphanated couples - Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Doe-smith

Progressive married couples - Mr John and Mrs. Jane Smith.

We are also putting the name of whoever we know better first. So for my MOH we are wording her invite as Mrs. Jane doe and Mr. John Smith (her BF)

View Quoted Comment I disagree. I’m taking my FH’s name, but I still would like to be called by my own first name and not his.
That being said, I wouldn’t be offended if someone else sent me that. It’s just my preference.

I just did Mr and Mrs Smith

View Quoted Comment I like the idea of case by case basis. Some of my Italian and Polish relatives have last names so long it’s too much to write it twice, so I like your last option as an alternative!

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Uhm actually the issue is that the wife's first name gets left off all together - implying her identity is specifically tied into her life as a married woman- which is archaic. I'm still my own person - whether I take my married name or not. I'm not even letting the DJ announce us as Mr. and Mrs. FH. We're going to be announce as Mr. FH and Mr.s Munchkin Newlastname.

I don't need to completely disappear just because I changed my last name.

View Quoted Comment I’m glad you mentioned the dj thing. I didn’t think of that. Thanks!

and I take it back about it not bothering me...I wouldn’t cause a scene about it, and I wouldn’t bat an eye if an older relative wrote it, but as a young woman, I would like my first name included by anyone else.

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We're doing something similar! For our STDs we just did first names and last names. But for the invitations we're doing:

Married Couples: Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Unmarried/Wife has her own last name: Mr. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe

Whoever we met first/are closer with will be listed first.

I tried to address all my save the dates as Mr. Tom and Mrs. Mary Smith. I went thru Minted and unfortunately it told me some of them were too long to print on the envelope and I had to change about half of them to just Mr. and Mrs. Smith. But when I do my invitations we will be using a calligrapher and writing both names!

I usually hate the concept of writing just the husband's name on mail. But all of my feminism went out the window when I ran out of room on Shutterfly's character blocks for names in addressing my invitations. Having Mrs. Mary and Mr. Tom Smith is fine, but look out for spacing if you have any of your labels printed.

I agree with many PPs — use both first names or neither. Neither looks a little cleaner, I think.

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I mean I wouldn't like call someone up about it if they did do it the old fashioned way. It's not worth holding a grudge or starting an argument over but that doesn't mean that there are only two options. Just because you get married doesn't mean you stop existing independently. I will still make my own money, my own activities, my own friends etc. It's not like way back when and women were considered no more than property and could't own anything outright. I am an equal partner in our relationship and I should be acknowledged as such.

I feel similarly, and I have been thinking about addressing envelopes based on what I expect the guest would prefer. My super conservative grandparents? Mr. and Mrs. for sure. My English professor and his art teacher wife? Probably individual first names.

This is the best way I can think of to not cause any problems but also treat people the way they'd like to be treated.

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Umm, that's nice but has nothing to do with the OP's question and not every woman is the same as you.