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Savvy September 2011

Sort of WR: Need a little advice-Brian C-would like your input.

Heather, on May 16, 2011 at 11:45 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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Last week my dear friend and MOH lost her husband unexpectedly. My heart breaks for her. They were married this past September and just starting their lives together, making plans for the future. My wedding is the day before what would be their 1st anniversary. Rightfully so, I expected that she would not be able to go through with being my MOH, be in the wedding and most likley not even attend as a guest. Another friend is with her now (she lives in NYC, I'm in Denver and just had to travel back home (OR) for the funeral of my grandmother so I couldn't be with her) and emailed me that she is fairly certain that she will not be able to fulfill her role. As much as I expected it, I'm at a loss on what to do next. I completely understand, she is beyond devastated. And I plan to be there for her in every way I can. But, I also have to continue with my wedding plans. I'm at a loss of what to do and what to say. Has anyone else been in this situtation? How did you handle it?

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Lisa Kretschmann, on May 16, 2011 at 1:52 PM

Master October 2010
Jaemi C. fka Jaemi S. :-) · on May 16, 2011 at 11:47 AM
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WOW! I wish I had some advice, other than just let her know if she needs anything you will be there. That is so sad.
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Nancy Taussig · on May 16, 2011 at 12:08 PM
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Be prepared for her to not be emotionally able to serve at your MOH or even to attend the wedding.

What I would do: not replace her, still list her as MOH in the program, leave her standing & sitting spaces open (not have 1st BM move into her position).

If her husband was going to be a groomsman, ditto above.
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Master October 2011
Pumpkin's Sunshine · on May 16, 2011 at 12:15 PM
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I kinda know what she is going through. I was living with a man named Darrin. Best man I had ever met. We were together 9 1/2 months and talking about getting married and having some kids. One night, unexpectedly, he had a heart attack and passed away. In the days that followed I was lost. I had no idea what I was doing, what was going to happen and how I was going to cope. It was weeks before I could say his name without crying.
In my case, life went on. It hurt, but by being with my friends and forcing myself to do things I didn't feel like doing, it got easier. I think you should hold her spot. She may change her mind after everything settles down and it may be what she needs to get through it. If not, do as Nancy said. Hold it as an honorary spot.
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Master August 2011
Meghan · on May 16, 2011 at 12:19 PM
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Finding another MOH is minor.

I think in cases of a loss such as this- it's not always about what you say. Sometimes, it's best to not say anything more than you are there is she needs to talk. If she does start talking, it's best to shut up and listen.

There isn't anything you can say now to comfort her, even if she is religious and believes in an afterlife. She is too devastated right now.

But none of us know how much time we have- so remind her of the good times and how fortunate she was to have shared her life, however briefly, with him.
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Lisa Kretschmann · on May 16, 2011 at 1:52 PM
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I would definitely still include her in the program. Also, giving her some space and letting her talk is the best way to be a good friend.

I would also see if there is possibly time for you to get together and meet up with no wedding talk just to let her know that she is supported and loved.
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