NWR it never stops... military brides weigh in

My FH is doing the same thing, except we aren't TTC. Up until this past year we had been long distance for 5 years, so we are a little more prepared than most. We've talked about what military life involves numerous times, so we know what we are in for. Some military couples spend half of their marriage deployed and aren't there for the birth of their children. The positives of a deployment are that it does look great for their career (if they are planning to stay in), as a dependent your housing will still be paid for and there is an increase in pay during a deployment, which could help you save up for future big expenses (children, house, car). I would definitely discuss your thoughts and feelings about deployment and his career. Some of the divorced military people I have met say that they never really discussed their job with their spouse and how it would affect their marriage.

I have to admit, I'll never understand why they want to volunteer to deploy. It baffles me! While I understand that it's their job, you also have a life together to think about. That's A LOT of time away... it's definitely a decision the two of you should make together (if you have a choice in the matter). Good luck!! Sending prayers your way!

It sucks but that's what he's signed up to do. The only thing to do as a wife is to be supportive or not marry him. Even though he's hoping to get this (sounds like it may be voluntary) doesn't mean in a month he won't get an involuntary one. You both have to sit down and say this is what I want, this is how this works and be willing to deal with all the crazy things the military life throws at you. My FH has talked about joining the marines. I'm a stress freak. I was a mess when my ex was deployed and swore I'd never date another military man. But I told my FH if that's what he feels he wants to do with his life as a wife it's my job to support his decisions and work through them with him. I don't want to leave my family, I've expressed that and told him the only way I'd move is if the job payed well enough to come home a few times a year or if he joined the marines again.

As a military brat and military wife to be, my best advice is to let him deploy and support him through it. If he wants to deploy again, its best to do it before you TTC anyways so you dont risk him missing part of your baby's life. Our military men have a burning desire to serve their country that never goes away. If he wants to deploy again, he will. You might as well get it over with before you have a baby, not after. It will all turn out! Good luck!

FH & I have an agreement as far as the voluntary deployments are concerned and that is that he won't volunteer. It's hard enough being apart when he's ordered to be gone, but at least in my mind I deal with it better knowing he has to go and didn't choose it.

^^^ agree, "burning desire to serve their country." You do have to love how dedicated and passionate they are about their job! I think about it like "I'd obviously rather be with him and put up with time away, than to not be together at all."

@ Rayy_chull - When a soldier says they want to deploy, it's not because we want to be away from our families - it sucks to be away from your loved ones (I know first hand) but I'll try to explain to you why someone would WANT to deploy. Depending on what a soldier's job is, garrison life (being non-deployed)can be extremely mundane, boring and it can be easy for one to loose their sense of purpose. Deployment not only gives some soldiers their purpose back, it is EXTREMELY vital for them to have that experience in order to advance in their careers and stack up a pretty penny in their bank account due to the extra pay you receive (which makes a HUGE difference - I'm a non commissioned officer in the Army and my annual paycheck is equivalent to civilians who qualify for govt assistance)

Anywho, it's not a life that everyone can handle - you definitely have to be a tough cookie.

Thanks @Tina. I know they don't want to be away from their families, but three deployments close together like that will definitely take a toll on anyone. I'm just so thankful that we have people like you who are willing and able (and eager!) to serve the military because there are people like me that are not made for that type of job!

@ Meghan - I definitely think it's a good idea for you and FH to talk about this and for you to let him know how you are feeling but also to let him know that you support him.

Please just heed this warning: I'm not trying to imply that you - or anyone here would find themselves in this situation. I've been around the military my entire life, and I've never once seen a situation in which the spouse makes their military partner choose between them or their service, end well.

As long as he's giving his all to support you, do the same for him

I'm so glad FH was upfront with me about military stuff when we started dating. I can't ever say I didn't know what I was getting myself into (although I really had no idea...haha.)

Kelley is right. For some the military is a job. For others it is a life and they want to make the world a better place.

I have been a military brat/wife and it is a way of life for us. All my siblings have joined. I will too.

It is not a tradition it is life for us. We want the world to be a better place.

I would never say to choose. My dad would say my reenlistment window is open and my mom would say okay. He would say what do you think and she would say I think we are having meatloaf for dinner. She told him day one that was always a decision he would make alone and she would not say a word.

I know I have to let him go it just sucks I've been a military brat my whole life, served myself and fell in wish a Soldier... I know this is part of the life but daggon?! He was in Korea 2 years ago, Korea this year and now back to Afghanistan... I just want to have him home!!!! I guess I'm just pouting but I'm kind of sad (trying to stay positive and the support on here has been amazing!?!!) but still...

I'm thinking about going back into the National Guard anyway and I'd have to go away for some training anyway... this isn't the way I wanted my marriage to start out but life happens I guess

And the money is good so I guess we can put off TTC until after he gets home and we'll be a little more prepared :/

DH would have been out and done this month, but he took an extension to go on this deployment. Partly it was the extra money, which will help a lot with school, but mostly he felt he needed to because he would be letting his unit down if he didn't. We've only spent 2 weeks of our married life together at this point. It sucks, but it's just part of life. Just keep reminding yourself it's only temporary

As my cousin, who has been married to a Navy SEAL for 10 years, told me when I got engaged to a Marine: Don't expect him to ever change!

For her husband, I think it might be the adrenaline, and since he has been contracting for about 8 years, it is the money in a big way as well, but that desire to be over there with their brothers and sisters, like Pan said, is incredible.

I can understand your frustration with him wanting to volunteer to go back, my FH is Inactive Reserve right now, but keeps talking about going back Guard, or Reserves, and was planning on being an officer for a long while. If all else fails, he will more than likely end up in defense contracting, and deploying 6-9 months out of every year. It really hurts to think of him leaving, but just remember that he does this because he is dedicated and loyal and ultimately wants the best for you and for your life together.

Lastly, @MJ - your mother's attitude is exactly how I've always been with my FH. I know better