Invite Question

Super weird!!! I get why people would do a tiered wedding but there’s definitely a better way than that to tell people.... they should’ve just made special invites for the private dinner people and not mention it to everyone else..... I agree with what others have said though - it seems wrong that they would not feed you as you’re an out-of-town guest.... you are the one they are supposed to be doing extra things for since you’re traveling to their event!

Very confusing wording. To me, reception usually entails dinner. I would contact them to distinguish what they mean.

Definitely sounds like you are not invited to dinner and that is very rude. I dont think you would be expected to bring a gift then, and I definitely would not. Is this a family or friend wedding? I guess I would make a phone call and verify. But also think about going or not after that snub

We’re cool enough where I just shot her a text to clarify. Dinner is private as I assumed. I get it. Weddings are expensive. No hard feelings. I also wouldn’t have been offended if she wouldn’t have invited us at all because again - weddings are expensive. I likely won’t travel but will still stick a card/small gift in the mail. FYI she was a guest at my wedding.....

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Yeah, it doesn't matter what weddings are expensive. She needs to host what she can afford without being rude to her guests.

That means, if you are invited you are there for everything.

I would decline and won't send a gift. But that's me.

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Lmao ditto this!

So a “tiered wedding” is when you go to the ceremony, go somewhere else to eat, and then come back and dance??? Never heard of that before.

Yikes.... I would decline too, especially for an out of town event.

I think we all understand why they're doing it, weddings are expensive. Having a caterer and food and servers for dinner can add up fast, especially if you have a rather large guest list. Their little "Private Dinner" thing may be just one way for them to narrow down their guest list. Who knows, you could end up replying and get to the wedding to find out they will be serving dinner because not many people chose to attend or they may invite certain people from the wedding to the private dinner. I know I've thought about having my wedding during the week and having a reception to follow in the evening for those who couldn't be at the ceremony. That way it would whittle down my guest list of who will be there for it. I also think that I would add a little extra line on my RSVP's that say I will not be attending the ceremony, but would love to join you all at the reception. Gives them more options that way to still be able to celebrate with us if they can't take time off work. I might even put one on there that says they will be at the wedding, but unable to attend the reception. Some people have to work early and can't take more than one day off for the event.

Definitely sounds like you're not invited to the dinner.

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@JustKidding.....100% correct!

That's super rude of whomever sent the invite to put that on there. They should have made separate invites for those people not invited to the private dinner. Ugh. I would assume you're not invited - that's how I would interpret that at least. If it's out of town, I wouldn't even bother going. If you want to go, it sounds like you show up at 7 haha.

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Weddings are expensive, but people make it work. If you can't afford to feed everyone, then it's totally okay to have a small reception at a restaurant for ~30 people. Or cut down on décor. Or have a brunch wedding. There are a ton of acceptable possibilities, and none of them involve making your guests go eat somewhere else because you're too cheap and still want a present later.

You're much nicer than me, haha.

I don’t think it’s terrible that they’ve chosen to do a private dinner with less guests (we all know food gets expensive) but I don’t like how it was presented on the invitation. Why not just say “dessert reception at 7pm” and keep out the “private dinner” part. If there’s a large gap without explanation it could be anything- photos, bride and groom private time together, etc. but by telling guests it’s because of a private dinner that does put a bad taste in your mouth. If it were me I’d “accidentally” assume that since my invite stated private dinner that it meant I was invited to the private dinner as well! Haha!

OR do a short dessert reception directly after the ceremony with a little bit of socializing and then head to the dinner reception with your chosen dinner guests. I had a friend who did that and I wasn’t invited to the dinner reception. I was a little upset about it but now planning my own wedding and understanding working on a budget, I think she was able to celebrate and save money as tastefully as she could.

My interpretation would be that you are invited. If you weren't invited to the "private" event I would not think that your invitation would have mentioned it. Instead it would have said ceremony at X o'clock with dink and dancing reception to follow at Z o'clock [you would automatically know that you have a Y dinner time bracket to fill and dinner will not be served at the reception].

I would imagine that separate invitations were printed up for those invited to the private event as well as reception and for those invited only to the reception in order to prevent confusion and hurt feelings.

However, there is ambiguity in the way this is communicated. If you are not sure I would ask. Don't feel bad about asking. If you are not clear, odds are other guests are unclear as well. This will most likely not be the only time they are asked this.