I think FSIL has taken herself out of the wedding

Try one last means of communication..like actually calling her or have Fh shouw up at her house and flat out ask, "do you want to be in this wedding?" i wouldnt text or email or face book or anything becasue she can say, "what i never got that? " and then more drama will unfold of how you blind sided her by kicking her out.. you need to have an actual physical talk with her. a flat out question and you'll get a flat out answer

I would say to directly talk to her about it. Be open and friendly. Maybe she doesn't have the money to buy a dress, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings. It sounds like she may be avoiding the situation because she needs an out. Maybe you can give her an opportunity to back out.

I had the exact same thing happen to me but it was an old high school friend. Everytime I asked her to get her dress she would just say sure and never show. Then the last time I asked her in November she said "well I guess I could wear it to something else too..." and I haven't talked to her since. The way I saw it was if she really wanted to be there she would have gotten her dress and not avoided me about it everytime. Don't let his family give you grief about it (if they do) it's not your fault and you really had no control over the situation and you really have exhausted all of your efforts of having her get her dress. You've got too much to do to just sit there and babysit the BM's that don't want to put forth any effort. I know that might sound mean, but there's enough to worry about just planning a wedding if you get what i mean!

I called her last week. She never answers the phone. So I leave vm's for her. FH said he was going to talk to her and when he tried to she said she was in a hurry. I work with her boyfriend and he is avoiding all contact with me. He used to IM me on our work communicator and now nothing. I know she was unable to afford it but then she was able to and said she was going but we got a snow storm and she didn't go. That was 2 months ago. What hurts the most is the reason she does not have the money is because she wants to travel to 2 friends weddings this summer....ummmm...this is your brother's wedding. They have always been close. She used to go to church with me. Then she just stopped after their mom came with us. No one will tell me why. She just tells me she is busy but I think it is funny that she stopped the second FMIL went with us and I heard her say "well you could always come with me" meaning to her church. FH has blinders on and thinks his family is perfect!

FH just told me that sometimes when his sister decides something isn't fun anymore, she just quits....it is not like she is a child either. She is 24 years old, college graduate and lives with her boyfriend in a house that they own.

Wow. How about just showing up at her house? I would. That way she can't say that you didn't talk to her. She'll have to make excuses to your face.

What do your VMs, emails say? Maybe if you let her know the reason you are calling is because you are getting the sense that she is not interested in being in the wedding anymore and that is ok, but you would need to know now so that you can plan accordingly. Maybe she is afraid you are trying to contact her to "bug" her about being in the wedding and she doesn't feel like dealing with the tough conversation of her not being able to be in it. Let her know you just want her to do what's best for her and that you'll understand but you just need to know what's up.

Yup, now it really sounds like you've exhausted all efforts. Trust me, from experience...it sucks (especially a lot at first) you feel let down but you just have to keep going. Like I said you've got too many other things going on to worry about and stress over!!

Everything will work out the way it's supposed to~

I asked her in the vm if she wanted to get together for lunch soon or go to the gym (we used to go every sunday together after church). I think I am at the point of letting it go. If she drops out than we have an even wedding party since FH only has 3 on his side. FH agreed with my only getting gifts for the 3 I know I have and if she does order her dress than we can just get her gift at that time. So I think I am going to just drop it. I feel at this point that I am wasting my time.

I would say just stop worrying about it. If she gets the dress then great, she's in the wedding, and if she didn't get the dress then she's not. It doesn't take that long to order a dress, depending on where you get it. It took my girls 6 weeks to get theirs from Davids Bridal, and your wedding isn't till Sept. so she certainly has enough time.

I know it's annoying, but sometimes it's best to let these things go. Otherwise it's just extra stress that falls on you in the end.

I must have been typing right when you posted that so I just wanted to say I think you are doing the right thing based on your last response!

Yup just let it go and it will work out somehow.

Maybe she will wear another dress or will just hand out programs. Or just drink and party with her bf. You'll be fine. The bride and groom are the stars of the day anyway.