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Ingrid
Super September 2018

i hate sleeping in a bed with my Fh!

Ingrid, on September 10, 2018 at 11:30 AM Posted in Married Life 0 43

FH and I met the first day of my freshman year of college, and we spent just about that entire semester sharing a bed. I don't remember having any problems with it, like at all. Anyway, he switched to online school and moved back home, and I moved back home after I graduated, and it's been a while since we've shared a bed.

FH is moved into what will be our new apartment, and I get to move in after the wedding (Sept 29). Last night, we had the rare opportunity for me to stay the night (mom is conservative and doesn't like me to spend the night, but she was out of town). I hated it.

First, he kept stealing the covers. There were basically three times throughout the night where we were playing tug of war with the covers. I don't even think he realized he was doing it. He was still 100% asleep as he was grabbing all of the covers and leaving me bare.

He also got up a few times during the night. When he went to use the restroom, he turned on the bathroom light, which startled me and woke me up and it was hard for me to go back to sleep.

Last, he kept saying stupid things in his sleep like right in my ear. I remember early this morning he said "Fix your nose." I thought, what???, and ignored him. Then he said it again. So I said, "What are you talking about?" and he said "You're whistling through your nose." My nose doesn't whistle?! I was just breathing.

I feel like one of the main issues is we need a bigger bed. It's hard to share a queen bed with someone when you're used to sleeping in a queen by yourself.

Anyone else have issues sharing a bed with your spouse? Last night made me never want to sleep with him again, but I want to sleep with my husband when we're married. How can I fix this!

43 Comments

Latest activity by Bellecose, on November 15, 2018 at 5:46 AM
  • HJKvr
    Expert September 2018
    HJKvr ·
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    FH and I have been together a looooooong time. We have completely different sleeping habits. We each got our own blanket - problem solved. People think it's weird but honestly it's the best decision we ever made. LOL. If he gets up, there is less chance of him disturbing me if I'm all wrapped up in my own blanket. (I like to mummify, he's a sprawl and clutch with the feet out kind of guy)

    Tell him to wear ear plugs. Smiley winking

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  • Ashley
    Just Said Yes September 2018
    Ashley ·
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    Hey! Rest assured, it gets better again. My FH and I have shared a bed for about 5 years now, and over time, he stopped coming into my side of the bed. I will say though, we stopped trying to share queen sized covers. He tends to "burrito" himself into the blankets and leaves me freezing in the night. My biggest suggestion would be to buy a king size comforter, positioned right on the bed, it doesn't look funny and you both can use it with plenty of leftovers!
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  • Ingrid
    Super September 2018
    Ingrid ·
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    Ok that’s a really good idea! Someone just gave us a quilt for a wedding present too, so I might wrap up in that’s next time.
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  • Mrs.Sanok
    VIP September 2018
    Mrs.Sanok ·
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    I am not sure how to fix the other stuff but the blanket one is easy. When FH first moved in together we shared a blanket and that ended real quick because I am a blanket hog! So we decided to each have our own blanket and it was the best decision! He doesn't wake me if he has to get up out of bed and there is no tug-a-war all night long!

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  • LP-WiscoBride
    Dedicated November 2018
    LP-WiscoBride ·
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    I wouldn’t base any decision or feeling after just one night of sharing a bed, it’s part of learning about each other. And don’t worry you are not alone! When FH and I started sharing a bed he drove me nuts (stealing covers, snoring, talking in sleep). But now I am used to his habits and don’t even notice them. My tip for his stealing the covers is have an extra blanket handy 🙂

    I’m sure you will adjust quickly to sharing a bed. Just try to keep in mind that he’s not used to sharing one either. And a bigger bed probably wouldn’t hurt either. Congratulations on you upcoming wedding!
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Omg, I am so glad you made this post.

    I only have one friend who lives with an SO, and according to her they both sleep like bricks and never disturb each other, so I thought I was all alone in having issues like this!

    We have a weirdly similar situation, because my FH and I also met in college and we used to share my full size bed in my college apartment ALL THE TIME. Now suddenly, for the past 9 months or so (we've been together for over 2 and a half years) we just CANNOT share a bed anymore, even a king bed. I'm probably the easiest sleeper ever. I pick a position and I stay there. FH on the other hand... he doesn't even snore, but he is such a heavy breather that it literally wakes me up from sound sleep. He's a blanket hog too, and he tosses and turns like CRAZY. Every time I start to drift, he flips over and it wakes me up again -.- I have no idea if he got worse in the past 9 months or if I just somehow didn't notice the first 2 years of our relationship? But either way, I cannot sleep when I'm in a bed with him.

    After months of struggling with this, some nights me being miserable in bed with him, some nights us sleeping separately and being sad that we're not together, we've finally come up with a solution that has been working for us for a few months now:

    (1) the simpler part, I wear earplugs. It's kinda annoying to sleep in them every night, but I've gotten used to it.

    (2) the trickier part... we literally got a second bed, and we've pushed them together. So I have my regular full-size bed, and he has a twin-size bed pushed up right next to it. When the bed is made, it looks like one big bed, and it feels like that too. We can literally just roll over and still be together, I can look over in the middle of the night and see him next to me, and we wake up next to each other. But when he tosses and turns all night, I don't feel it one bit because he's on a different mattress.

    It's kind of annoying because it takes up the entire room lol. But if you get 2 twin sized mattresses, that's the size of 1 king bed. Do I wish we could just sleep on the same damn mattress? Of course. But I'm completely unable to sleep when I share a bed with him. This is the only way we've been able to sleep "together" and actually sleep. Works for us! Hope this helps!

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  • JustKidding
    VIP April 2018
    JustKidding ·
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    My husband and I have our own covers. Stops that fight.

    Adjusting to someone being there at the start is hard. I'm sure he wasn't even thinking about it when he turned on the light. Get a night light for the bathroom that he can turn on that isn't as bright.

    The nose thing would drive me insane. You might not hear it, but I get it. I make my husband shift if he breathes weird just like he does the same to me.

    You just have to adjust.

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  • Camille
    Devoted October 2020
    Camille ·
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    Omg my FH and I had this same issue when we first moved in together. We got a bigger bed and don’t share a blanket anymore, so now we don’t have this issue! I toss and turn a lot in the night and FH is always freezing so we need two different weight blankets. Once we solved those issues, it got much better. Our biggest issue now is the dogs sleeping in the middle of the bed, but we’re too soft to kick them off. It gets better! Just give it time for your bodies to adjust to each other and it will get easier. It’s always weird to adjust to having another human in the same vicinity, so your body just has to get used to it.
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  • Summerbride77
    VIP July 2019
    Summerbride77 ·
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    It takes getting use to. My FH and I have been doing it for long we don't normally have any issues. One trick I use to do was to stash and extra blanket on my side of the bed for qhwn I stole the blankets (when he cacoons getting anything back is impossible). However, one of the best things is being on slightly different sleep schedules. I usually have a half hour to wide down with a book and am a sleep before he goes to bed - makes a huge difference.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    For the covers thing, I'd just add another blanket to the bed or get a king size comforter for sharing. I also think saving for a king bed will help, you'll have more room. I'd just ask him to close the door before he turns the bathroom light on, or put a bright night light in there so he doesn't have to turn the light on. (This is all advice for when you move in together). I'd just plan on it being weird at first, since you're both used to sleeping alone. Investing in a nice, comfy, large bed really helps and having nice sheets & nice pillows. If you're still having trouble sleeping, you could try things like Melatonin for helping you fall asleep easier. And you could use nose strips if you're making noise will sleeping that keeps him up!

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  • c
    Super May 2019
    c ·
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    Lolol @ the fix your nose comment. Honestly, we use separate blankets because we can't share one for the life of us. Agree with a PP that some find it weird, but it works for us. We also put a lamp in our bathroom to avoid issues with a bright light waking us up, could you do that as well? That way the light isn't all up in your face. We have a queen currently and definitely need a king now, so maybe a bigger bed will help.

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  • Rebecca
    Master October 2025
    Rebecca ·
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    I've been there, Ingrid!! My boyfriend and I have been sharing a bed for a year and it was BRUTAL at first. Rest assured, you're not the only one who has thought the same thing! I'm a very light sleeper who is very sensitive to sound and light. He would snore and steal the sheets and I would be awake and freezing in the corner of the bed. We started keeping an extra blanket that gets folded at the end of the bed (for those rare occasions when we actually make the bed). I always had that back-up blanket just in case he stole the sheets. Eventually, we both started to adapt to sleeping next to someone and now we hardly ever have problems! Getting used to living with someone for the first time can be a challenge but, with time, you both will adjust and it will soon become the norm!!

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  • M&M Bride
    Super September 2018
    M&M Bride ·
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    Buying separate blankets was on of the best things that we did as we stopped the nightly battle for the blanket. We are also going to upgrade to a king bed, because we sleep so much better with the extra space. You will get used to sleeping with someone again, it just takes a little getting used to.

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  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
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    Different blankets! That's a great idea! I'm one of the stereotypical women who will steal all the covers in my sleep so 2 blankets sounds like a great way to fix that.

    As for OP - it was just one night! Give it some time you'll need to get used to sleeping with him. I find that I for sure get a more restful sleep when he is out of town but I still wouldn't give up sleeping with him - even if we do end up waking each other up.

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  • Future_Mrs.concanon
    Devoted April 2019
    Future_Mrs.concanon ·
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    Smiley xd my f.h and I share a full size. He snores, talks in his sleep, takes up half the bed and so on. There has been a few nights where I woke up because his knee was in my back or his arm on top of my head. I think its hilarious to hear his telephone conversations with tech support while hes sleeping.

    I dont sleep much anyway that's why I dont mind.
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  • DC Wife 10.27.18
    Master October 2018
    DC Wife 10.27.18 ·
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    FH and I slept together off an on for a year and every night for the past year (except for work travel) and we are totally different sleepers. When he wakes up he likes to kiss my cheek and forehead whisper sweet things in my ear like "I love you" and "You're so beautiful". I suffer from insomnia....anything that wakes me up keeps me up for HOURS. I've learned to adjust but it has been ROUGH. The things that are bothering him may require small changes. Separate blankets. Sleep on the other side etc.

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  • C
    Super October 2018
    Cassandra ·
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    I had the same issue, and sometimes still do, haha. I was single for so long that sharing a bed was so difficult. Don’t worry though, it gets better.

    I thought when my fiancé went on a camping trip I would sleep better, but I missed him stealing my pillow.

    It is honestly something you will get use too, and love. And, if you don’t, it is okay to sleep in separate beds too! I know married couples that have their own rooms.
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  • B
    Devoted September 2018
    Bri ·
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    My FH hogs the blanket and pushes me all the way to the edge of the bed. Sometimes he says random things in his sleep.
    But we've lived together for 7 years and I can't fall asleep without him there no matter how annoying it can be sometimes.
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  • Nikki
    Devoted October 2018
    Nikki ·
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    I'm the blanket theif so FH has a stack of blankets on his side of the bed. He gets up a lot but always uses the hall bathroom or keeps the lights off, I always steal is spot on accident and he just pushes me over. When he snores or talks to much I shove him just enough so that he'll roll over and quit. It's all a learning curve. Dont give up after one night!
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  • Annie
    VIP October 2018
    Annie ·
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    FH and I sleep in the same bed, but each have our own separate blankets, otherwise he'd take them all and be in a cocoon. My FH also talks in his sleep at times and I do wake up to hear it. Maybe you could sleep with ear plugs and/or sleep with a pillow over your head, which is what I've learned to do.

    If none of those options seem to be for you two then maybe sleep in separate rooms? My parents, maternal grandparents, and plenty of other people I know do that for their own reasons.

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