Beside myself and don't know what to do

1. How did you find out?

2. What do you mean "according to him." Is she harrassing him or are they mutually communicating?

3. Did he lie to you and said he doesn't talk to her, or did he not bring it up?

Is he active in the contact? - meaning, does he respond to her or reach out to her as well? He can't help her actions, so if it's just her doing things, I wouldn't freak out too much. But if he is an active participant, then that is a problem.

ETA - wait, this GF is from OVER 6 years ago and is still "harassing" him? that's a long time to still be hurt/upset about a break up...

This is a tough one. Why did he say he was afraid? How long ago was his relationship with the ex? Do they have any ties? It is not okay that he lied and you have a lot to think about.

Oh, heck no. You have to find out what is really going on like why did he feel he had to lie to you about communicating with her in the 1st place? If they have been in contact for more than a year, when did the harassment come into play? I am with Emily on this one. I am sorry that you're hurting. I have also been with FH for 6 years and I couldn't imagine.

We definitely need more information to give proper/appropriate advice. Please come back OP!

Yes we need more information. "Having contact" isn't really descriptive enough.

What type of contact? Do they work for the same company, building, or area?

I agree more info

I guess she's been calling his job just to talk or she will call saying nobody loves her etc. so that happened for a while I guess and I guess he kept telling her he didn't want to talk to her and she still didn't stop. So then he bribed her with concert tickets and said if I give you these will you stop calling me? She says yes but then calls back. Then he says if I give you $500 will you stop calling me? She said yes and of course kept calling him. Then this past weekend they must have got into an argument and she messaged me on FB and that's how I found out about the contact between them.

What exactly is she doing that he's saying is "harassment"? If it's truly harassment and taking place at work, he can nip this pretty quickly by going to HR. Do they work together? Why has he let this go on so long? If she is actually harassing him, why was he afraid to tell you?

ETA: Caller ID. Stop picking up the phone when she calls. Block her number, etc. He needs to stop engaging her, period. Offering her $$ and concert tickets is bizarre, sorry.

I've also asked him occasionally if shes contacted him because she was obsessed and blatantly lied to me several times.

He gave her $500????

You FH needs to stop bribing her (sorry that's just stupid) and start getting a restraining order.

Wait. He's giving her money and concert tickets to go away? That doesn't make sense. That just invites her to keep contacting him. I think there are still some questions unanswered. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

He said its harassment because he tells her to stop calling and she calls anyways. He said he didn't tell me because he didn't want to upset me so he decided it was better to lie to me.

Yes he gave her $500. It doesn't make sense to me.

It's never better to lie. It's better to work on things together.

What the hell? The solution to this, if he's not lying to you, is not to give her things to go away. It's to tell her to stop calling or he will contact the police.

I don't know about other people, but I would be LIVID if my fiance gave some ex (or anyone without consulting me) $500. That is a lot of money.

What did she say in her message? Does her story match his?

Either way him lying about it. The giving her $500 is no no IMO. Me or my husband wouldn't spend or give that much money to anyone without discussing with each other 1st.

ETA@Patrica me and you thought the same thing at the same time lol. If my husband spend that much money on himself without discussing it with me 1st I would be piss. The ex thing would send me through the roof.