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Devoted October 2018

Difficult Mother in Law

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futuremrsrichardson, on March 2, 2018 at 11:23 AM

I am so frustrated my finace's mom. She has never been nice to me from the start and really has no interest in getting to know me. Now she has stepped too far and if telling my fiance he is not allowed to invite his family to the wedding because she thinks its disrespectful to have a destination wedding and not pay for these people to travel & pay for their accommodations. She also doesn't want them coming to a wedding she does not support. Am I missing something? I have never heard of anyone paying for people to attend a destination wedding. She has not helped plan or pay for anything wedding related and honestly hasn't even acknowledged the fact that we are engaged to begin with. I really want to make this work with her but every time I am around her she looks at me with complete disgust and is extremely short. I have asked her to get coffee or lunch with me 1 on 1 and she refuses. She won't even come over to my finace and I's apartment because she does not support our relationship, we have asked her on multiple occasions. This is really hurting me and my fiance and I honestly don't know what to do. We are having a wedding in my hometown because the price to do a wedding in Texas vs. NYC is much more affordable & my family is helping with the wedding and mostly lives down there.

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Devoted October 2018
futuremrsrichardson · on May 14, 2018 at 3:59 PM
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Just wanted to post an update to this. Unfortunately things seem to be worse than ever. I wrote my future mother in law a very long email in hopes of extending an olive branch and she never responded. My heart just hurts thinking about it. I thought things would be different at some point but it seems they may never change.
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VIP March 2019
SB · on May 14, 2018 at 4:11 PM
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I have experienced the dreaded MIL as well and it is not an easy battle. It was many sleepless nights, angry blow ups and total isolation for a while, but what changed it was my FH standing up for me and himself. It took 2 almost 3 years of talking, fighting, hashing things out and not going over to his parent's house, but things have finally turned around. He finally stood up for both of us and maybe that's what needs to happen in your situation. Anything you say will make you the bad guy, trust me. Everything has to come from him. Of course we still have our hiccups and we don't always agree, or a petty comment is made, but this is the man I want to be with and marry, so I'm not letting one person come in-between us. Some days are harder than others and it takes many phone calls to my own mom, but everything works out how it's supposed to. I could go on and on because it has been years of nonsense, but just realize it isn't you. It's her and her own insecurities that she can't let go of. Best of luck!
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Savvy August 2018
Jenace · on May 20, 2018 at 11:20 PM
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I was in the exact same situation with my mil. There is nothing you can do about it. The only one who can is your fiance. He needs to talk to her out his foot down and start drawing lines with his mom.
He needs to tell her no matter if she likes it or not your the one he wants to be with and she has a choice to make either she supports tall or gets out kf yalls life.
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April 2018
GoodMOB · on May 21, 2018 at 5:51 AM
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You are completely right that you do not need to pay for any guests' transportation or accommodations. I would not even call your wedding a "destination wedding" since it is in your hometown. That is quite normal and common, even if guests from NYC do need to travel for the wedding.
I'd go for some counseling with your fiance, and learn some strategies on how to deal together with this very difficult mother-in-law. From what you are describing, I cannot see her having much of a role in your lives, unless she changes her ways.
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