Difficult Mother in Law

Has your fiancé talked to her? I think it’s time he steps in and addresses the situation since it’s his mom.

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He has tried on multiple occasions, at some point she realizes she is being unreasonable but then it continues to happen unfortunately.

It seems like her behavior is not going to change. Have another discussion with your fiancé about how you both will proceed. You may just have to disengage from her completely.

As to the other family members, they are adults themselves and can make up their own minds as whether or not they can attend your wedding.

Best of luck to you!

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Thank you, that is how I feel as well. It is our wedding, he should be able to invite anyone he wants there to support us. I really don't want it to get to the point where we have to disengage but I appreciate your comment!

I can relate to this so much unfortunately. At some point you just have to accept it’s a them problem, not a you problem. You have seemingly gone above and beyond to foster a relationship with her, her bad behavior reflects poorly on her character, and hopefully your FH’s family will see that. I just hope your fiancé will continue to stand up for you, because that’s all that can be done at this point. Good luck and try not to let it hurt!

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Thank you for the encouragement, it helps to know I'm not the only one! I will do my best to not take it personally, it's a hard road to walk.

She sounds awful. He's an adult so he's past the point of needing her permission to do things. Just have him invite the family that he wants to. He doesn't need to go through her or discuss it with her. He can contact them directly for their addresses, and mail the invites. If she is going to get in the middle of it he can't stop her but hopefully the family knows what she is like and will make their own decisions. What does your FH think? I think I would just kind of back off from contact. If she wants to have a relationship with the two of you, she can start being nicer. Otherwise she will just figure it out when her phone doesn't ring very much and she's not being invited for holidays. Hopefully she will come around in time, if not, that's her loss.

I'm getting married in NYC and it's not as expensive as people think if you do the research. If she didn't like you before she's really not going to like you now after having a wedding so far away. I would still send her and his family invites, I mean, its obvious she's stuck in her ways, until you have kids maybe. Is he the only child, or only boy, that could be the root of the problem.

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Yes he is an only child which is another reason why we decided on a Texas wedding because his family is super small, we are talking about 15 people vs. my family which will be a very big portion of the wedding. I get that maybe that choice wasn't an ideal to make her happy however when we didn't have their support before it was much easier to do something closer to my family that supports us and is willing to help.

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I agree with you. He isn't very good at standing up for himself but all of this really upsets him and has made our whole engagement and wedding planning pretty upsetting for him. She also said we should wait until 2020 to get married, I guess in hopes that maybe we would break off our engagement.

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Yea shes just a bitter mom who feels you're taking her child from her. You tried, and the fact that you tried NUMEROUS times shows that she is the problem not you. I'm October too, and our time to shine is near, misery loves company. lol

Thanks for your support. I really wish she would just see that we are all on the same team and all I want is to have a family here considering my family is so far away!

I would stand your ground and have FH invite whoever she wants. Quite honestly, if I were you I’d be hoping she wouldn’t attend my wedding. Why deal with that on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life and hope she doesn’t try to sabotage it?no thanks. My FMIL isn’t quite this bad, but she is still awful. She refuses to come to FH and I’s Home because the first time she ever did she was being rude and disrespectful and I made sure she knew I wouldn’t be disrespected in my own home. She also makes sure to note that FHand his son are invited to family events, but never includes me. A lot of his family also have his ex on fb and refuse to delete her even though she uses it to get stuff off of theirs to start trouble. I totally feel your pain on this. I agree with the poster above you said to sit down and talk to your FH and see how you two want to proceed from here. Best of luck.

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I feel that way but I don't want to feel that way for him. I know how important it is to have his mom there on our special day. I really want this to work she is just so closed off I don't even know how I could change it.

Sit down and really think that this is the best decision, to marry into this family. Where does your fiance stand on this? I watched my mom get disrespected for years by my grandma, and it's a terrible things to witness. My parents did not have the best relationship anyways, but that didn't help matters. You and your fiance need to be a team. If she's disrespectful to you, she is disrespectful to him. You guys needs to agree with that and respond appropriately and in unison, otherwise it could tear you apart.

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I understand your point of view however I cannot imagine my life without him just because she is difficult.

Good luck. Maybe just be straight to her and ask her what is the problem.

View Quoted Comment I understand that. But that doesn't mean you don't have this conversation now to make sure you are a team and on the same page. I don't think my parents thought it would be a huge deal when they first got married. But add in 30 years, kids, normal stress and constantly being berated by his mother, it will wear you down. Ignoring a problem won't fix it. It will just add more fuel to the flame.

View Quoted Comment Couldn’t agree with you more there. If she had it her way we would just never get married.

View Quoted Comment Yeah that’s true, I just feel whenever I am around her she won’t even look at me.