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Just Said Yes June 2023

Differing views on vows

Danielle, on April 24, 2023 at 10:31 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 6
My future husband is set on coming up with our own vows so it’s more personal for the ceremony. However, he does not want to write them down, and instead speak from the heart in the moment. I being the planner that I am am not comfortable with that and would like to prepare and write my down ahead of time. Is it going to make the ceremony feel off if he is proclaiming his love for me and how he feels in the moment and I just read from a sheet of paper..? He doesn’t want to have any sort of format or anything to at least try to align and I’m just not sure what to do at this point.


Latest activity by MrsC, on April 30, 2023 at 10:55 PM
  • Brenda
    Devoted October 2021
    Brenda ·
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    I've seen people try to do speak vows "from their heart" and it more times than not ends up really awkward. Nerves and emotions really mess with some people and they're end up stumbling through vows, repeating themselves, nervous laughing, and sometimes saying something really awkward. The only time I've seen vows not written down and end up perfectly romantic are in movies where they're, well, scripted and rehearsed. In the pressure of the moment, heck, I've seen nervous couples mess up when to say a simple "I do".

    He can write beautiful vows from the heart and read them and, in my opinion, it will portray so much more natural than trying to do it spur of the moment.
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  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
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    Maybe ask him to write out what he would like to say and then have that with him at the ceremony. He should have that in front of him at that moment. If he does not use it, that is fine.

    But really, it should be fine if you have yours written out even if he does not have them written out. If people even noticed it, they could recognize that you both have different personalities.

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  • K
    Just Said Yes September 2023
    Kristine ·
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    I would just focus on your vows and whatever he is comfortable with he can do. Maybe you can ask him to write some stuff down and just have the paper on him in case he gets overwhelmed during that day to put your mind at ease.

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  • C
    CM ·
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    Some people are very good or even better speaking off the cuff, some would rather have something written and some prefer not to do public vows at all. I really don't think you can or should try to micromanage him on this and I don't think it will look bad if you each have a different approach.

    Also, it doesn't mean he will have given no thought to what he's going to say.

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  • Emily
    Dedicated August 2025
    Emily ·
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    A nice compromise is getting a dedicated vow book so you’re not reading off a sheet of paper, if that’s something he’s hung up on. I’ve been looking at these on Etsy but there’s more simple ones, colored ones, officiant books, you name it!
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  • MrsC
    Devoted June 2023
    MrsC ·
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    Vow: a solemn promise or assertion (Merriam-Webster definition) specifically : one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition.
    You may wish to start with the definition of "vow" - it is a solemn promise that binds a person to act. If you are religious, it is a sin to break a vow. Marriage vows are not proclamations of love or intent. They are designed to be a binding contract, a public and private commitment. Without these "solemn promises", there is no marriage contract. If you are going to say your own vows, make sure that they are in fact solemn promises. I am not in favor of writing one's own because everything that a vow of marriage should be is included in the traditional vows: to love, to honor, to be faithful throughout your lives despite whatever comes along - richer, poorer, sickness, health, etc. This is what marriage is. Furthermore, to make sure that all the elements of a solemn promise/vow are included, that you and your groom are on the same page as far as commitment, and considering that this is a life changing event filled with emotions, with many onlookers, I suggest that you both write down your vows and read them to each other several times before the ceremony. If you have any other issues about vows, you should ask your officiant.
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