Different cultures

I would accommodate both cultures. Buffet is the best way to go.

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I agree with this. I'm not educated on the etiquette for mixed cultures but I'm a pretty picky person so it's doubtful I'd eat much Vietnamese cuisine. So just think about your guests, particularly the picky eaters (which you clearly have done considering your suggestion).

I would stick to the multi course sit down meal since that is a large part of the Vietnamese tradition, but still offer food from both/all cultures.

View Quoted Comment I guess I should have added that the reception venue can not accommodate 2 different caterers. The Vietnamese caterer will not cook or serve anything other than Vietnamese food so I would have to hire another caterer. It logistically can’t happen.

View Quoted Comment Can you look for a caterer that will do both? I wouldn’t serve all Vietnamese food. There are so many picky eaters

Will your caterer do combination of Vietnamese and Lebanese food? A good in-between between plated and buffet is family style. Or, if you're your main caterer allows, you can have two caters; one for the appetizers and then one for the main meal. My caterer is al la carte so they allowed me to have a Vietnamese cater for the appetizers during the Cocktail Hour while they catered American farm-to-table food for the Reception. Another option is that you could have one type of cuisine for the Rehearsal Dinner and then another type for the Reception the day after.

View Quoted Comment I would but the fiancés mother is doing that. In the Vietnamese culture the grooms family pays for the wedding and reception but in our case they are only paying for the Vietnamese food. So basically I have no control of that.

This is hard. But the fiance's mom needs to accommodating to your family as well. There are 2 different cultures becoming 1 family. I would sit and talk to her about finding a common ground.

Is there a rehearsal dinner? If so, use the Vietnamese food for that and find another caterer for the reception that can do a mix of American and Lebanese food.

No matter what, the groom's mother has got to compromise and the groom has got to make sure that she does. The Vietnamese culture is beautiful, but this isn't just a Vietnamese wedding.

How does your daughter feel about it? She should have a talk with her fiancé and then he needs to talk to his mother about incorporating both cultures.

I prefer plated dinners over buffets, but agree that the food should reflect both sides.

View Quoted Comment I think I’m going to have to host the rehearsal dinner since the Vietnamese typically don’t do this.

View Quoted Comment Honestly I feel like she’s torn because his family up to this point hasn’t been keen of the idea of him dating a non- Vietnamese woman. My heart tells me she is just not wanting to create drama already. I have tried to remind her it’s her day too.

Can you order American and Lebanese food and have it delivered? This would only work if you are doing a buffet. No caterer who would need access to the kitchen.

All guests need to be accommodated and not all guests will like Vietnamese food or will not like it enough to get a full meal from it. Also, what about guests with food allergies or who are vegan or vegetarian? They need to be provided suitable food. Do not do so would be a horrible breach of etiquette and, more importantly, life threatening.

Your daughter needs to acquire bridal balls and assert herself on this.

“Bridal Balls” that is a good one! I will tell her to grow her bridal balls! That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard! Thank you for that!!

Maybe you could do the Vietnamese meal and a Lebanese dessert or Lebanese wedding cake? I'm sure there are Lebanese traditions outside of food that you can incorporate. As for picky eaters, I think they'll survive. I'm sure they've been in other situations before where they had to eat something that wasn't to their exact liking. If people had to always cater for picky eaters we'd be stuck eating something like chicken breast and julienned vegetables at every wedding right?

And if it makes you feel better, his family can be "not keen on dating a non-Vietnamese woman" and still love and accept your daughter as well as your family. Granted, I can only speak for my experience. I know my parents would have liked me marrying a Vietnamese person (not because they think they're better or something, but because it's about cherishing our culture or whatnot), but the fact that I'm marrying a white dude hasn't diminished the fact that they've accepted and love him as a future son in law based on his merit and character.

I'm actually Vietnamese and am having an American reception with the traditional Vietnamese/Chinese 10 course meal. This is VERY important to the culture to have the multicourse meal (there's a lot of symbolism behind it), so those suggesting a buffet or to have it for the rehearsal dinner instead would definitely not work for the fiance's family.

However, my suggestion is to talk to the caterer and to find items that they can make that may be more American or Lebanese and switch some of the courses for that. For example, one of the main courses needs to include fish, maybe work with his family and the caterer to cook the fish in a Lebanese way. There are certain things that the multi-course meal needs to have (Lobster, fish, pork/duck, beef, etc). I would pick a couple and talk to his family and the caterer to try to work something out.

I think that's the best way to go about this because if his family is what I'm thinking about (very traditional), they will not budge on the multicourse meal whatsoever but I think they would compromise on swapping some dishes out.

And just a side note, I actually find the multiple courses to be a lot of fun! My guests who are not used to that have been very excited when I tell them about it. Have you gone to a tasting with the caterer to try the food? You may find that some of the dishes may actually satisfy the taste palettes of your other guests who are not Vietnamese.

I suggested there be another soup option for people that prefer to not eat shark fin soup and an additional salad as well. His mother said the restaurant doesn’t do that. We do have a taste testing time set for March. I guess at that time I can assert myself whether they like it or not. I understand them wanting to adhere to their culture and I’m ok with that but they have to be a little more accommodating than they presently are. Shark fin soup not only doesn’t sound appetizing I would never eat it because of environmental reasons. And I might add that they wanted me to pay for half of this but didn’t want to try and accommodate anything. Obviously I’ve since said I won’t pay a dime of it.

Since the groom's parents are paying, I don't think you have much ground to stand on. What does your daughter and her fiance think? It's their battle to fight.

Agree with Spaghetti, this is their battle. You can suggest covering the appetizers at cocktail hour and providing other options.

Personally as a guest, I'd love the chance to experience another culture. I might not eat the shark fin soup, but with 8 other courses, I'm sure I'd be able to find something. Are we talking about fresh spring rolls, noodles with beef & chicken, maybe a lettuce wrap type thing? Like you get if you go to a pho place? Or are these Americanized versions of Vietnamese foods? I think most people could deal with that. If you're talking things more like tripe or fish heads, not so much.