Difference of Opinions?

@Elphaba

I know we haven't actually interacted, but I just want to say that you are strong as hell and your FH is one lucky guy!

Sorry if that's creepy come from a stranger. but you're amazing.

We have our own religious beliefs that are closest to Christianity, I suppose, yet we both have different beliefs surrounding the same core structure of beliefs, of that makes any sense. We discuss our thoughts and beliefs frequently, and while the discussions can get a bit heated, we both respect the differences we have.

He is much more interested in politics, whereas I could honestly care less. I listen to his views, voice the few opinions I have, an that's pretty much the extent of it for us.

I do think that if we had wildly different beliefs, especially religious (such as catholic with atheist, for example,) I wouldn't have continued pursuing a relationship with him. It's just a huge issue for me personally to think that someone I love so much wouldn't be there in the afterlife I believe awaits. To me, that's a heartbreaking thought.

Me and FH are very different. He was raised in a strict catholic home, where I was not raised or taught any religion. We have met in the middle as fair as religion and teaching our future kids religion. We aren't getting married in the catholic church, but will have a religious ceremony. Our kids will go to catholic schools, however we will not go to church every week.

There is a lot we don't agree on, but we communicate, take each others views into consideration, and meet in the middle.

He bashes your opinion with no evidence? Oi...

That's tricky, OP. My FH and I definitely have more issues in terms of politics than we do anything else; it's definitely where his "we agree on the ending, just disagree on the means to get there" comes from. For example, he's pro-life and I'm pro-choice. However, we both agree that outlawing abortion brings about more issues than keeping it legal. You sometimes have to find common ground or (respectfully) agree to disagree.

I think if politics brings this up in your FH, it's something to discuss. It's alright for you to agree to disagree, listen to the other side while staying on your own, etc., but mocking you for it isn't okay. If having a discussion about how to discuss politics with each other doesn't work, I say just try to avoid discussing it.

If my FH and I discussed the things we disagreed on all the time, we'd never have any wine in the house. LOL.

We agree on EVERYTHING... we often say things that the other is thinking... the only thing we disagree on is, I want to rescue every creature at the humane society... and he says 3 cats is our max...but he also once said two cats was the max... and that one was the max lol...

@Katelynn C, we are in the same boat... never had a fight or argument.. we might bicker, but we have STRONG communication and have learned from our parents and relationships around us. Not saying a fight will never come, but if one does, we will be strong enough to get though it

I know this is going to be weird but...politcal is a personal choice. Very personal. I haven't shared with fh who I support and he hasnt told me either. I basically know and I am sure he knows for me also but it is a personal decision that does not have to match.

Religion-I also feel this is a personal decision. My personal relationship with God is my business and same for fh. He may go to church. He may not. I may go. I may not. I'm just going to continue to worry about myself on those two fronts. That may not work for everyone but it works for us!!!

We are different in all major topics. He is a atheist, liberal, and anti-gun. I am a Christian, conservative and pro-gun. I would say religion is a very heated topic for FH. He is younger than me and I am trying to instill in him that just because he's passionate about something doesn't mean he's right he needs to respect other people's beliefs because when we have babies they need to see that their parents even though they disagree they respect each other because that is going to show our kids that they need to respect other people who think differently. He agrees with me so it's a work in progress. Other than that I mean we will have conversations but nothing gets quite as heated as the religion topic. I would say the love that we have for each other is stronger than a difference of opinions.

@MustLoveCats: I think that's part of getting older, too. Your opinions and views on things can change SO much.

I used to be extremely anti-gun, like thought they should be totally outlawed extreme.

Then I got hired to work as an officer at a prison. I had never handled a real gun, only BB guns. I had to learn how to shoot properly AND qualify on handguns, assault rifles, and shotguns. I also had to go through yearly firearms safety training which was a multi-day course every year.

My view since then has done a total 180. It was my ignorance and lack of knowledge of safe handling / safe practices that fed my prior convictions, and the exposure I had changed them for the better. I now own a handgun of my own for protection, and have no issue shooting it, or using it to defend myself should it be necessary. For awhile, I even had a concealed carry license when I first left XSO, because they had literally held a gun to my head (service weapon, they're a deputy with the county) the day I left. Had it not been for my knowledge and training that day, I might not have left, but knowing what I know now and that the gun I was being threatened with was 100% traceable gave me the courage to pull out my phone and start calling the police instead of freezing and capitulating.

All that to say that life experiences can change your views/stance on things drastically. I followed the canned Christianity beliefs for years, "lost my way" for awhile, and eventually found God in my own beliefs by believing what I saw and not what others told me to believe. I wouldn't dare push that on others.

The same applies for other aspects of life. I know DF and I don't always agree on things, but we respect each other's views when they differ and are interested in discussing them to see if we can come to something we both agree with, or if our stances are just two different things altogether.

I don't think I could disagree with my future spouse on issues that fundamentally make me who I am. Honestly I don't even have close friends who have strongly different sociopolitical views from me....

We don't agree in politics or religion at all, but we are respectful of each other's differences. Doesn't cause an issue.

We barley disagree on anything,unless it about his mom....

I agree with what some of the other commenters have said, don't wait to get counseling.

I made the mistake of getting married to the wrong person. They say that if your "world view" is substantially different from your partner's, you're not likely to make it, long term.

I wish I had admitted to myself that our relationship was unhealthy before we had children together. Trust your intuition.

My husband and I have very similar world views. We met at church, where we are both active members. I usually do not get along with fellow Christians because I have an extremely progressive worldview that I do not believe contradicts my faith in Jesus, but many would argue it does. My husband actually has a very progressive worldview as well. We are both frugal, think travel is a priority, have the same idea about how we want to raise our future kids, all of the important stuff. We also agree on how to treat the environment, how to allow women to make their own damn choices, the importance of education, and how to treat animals (which is huge because animals are the best). I couldn't be with someone who doesn't hold these same values.

I guess our only major difference is that I would love to live on a farm and have a million animals that I could save, but he thinks a cap is necessary for me to remain sane.

I couldn't be with someone who disagreed on politics or religion with me since they are two very important topics to me. I grew up very religious and am now agnostic. It's fundamental to me and took me a lifetime to embrace. So I couldn't date, marry, or raise a kid with someone who believed in an organized religion. Same with politics. I can't in good conscious date, marry, or raise a kid with if they didn't align with me politically. Again, it's a fundamental/this makes me who I am opinion. We also thoroughly discussed how we plan on raising kids, what kind of marriage we want, and so on before we even agreed to live together. We don't differ on major opinions and that's why we're getting married.

For the smaller opinions? We compromise. I wanted a city hall wedding, he wanted a big wedding and party. We compromised on a 55 person wedding. If we didn't compromise or had trouble communicating we honestly wouldn't have made it. We were raised very differently so we would have had no choice but to meet half way on everything.

If you and your FH aren't on the same page about fundamental things I would suggest couples therapy.

I could never marry someone who wanted to raise our children in a religious way.. so we agree on that. My politics are my values and that's also a deal breaker. I could never be with someone with opposite values.

Omg this is my issue too. My fiance loves to talk about religion and politics and i find it rude to discuss them. Especially when we have different opinions. So to be honest we DONT talk about it. We have decided not to discuss them. We are doing pre marital counseling as a way to iron out the details for when we have kids. Its been really helpful so far because it gives us a neutral place to agree to disagree and talk about solutions for how we will raise our future children. I definitely recommend premarital counseling!

My FH and I have opposite political beliefs but can respect one another's opinions and listen to one another/debate in a respectful matter, I don't think I could handle my FS making fun of my views with no evidence to back it up, OP, that must be frustrating as all Hell. :/

Oh man I was writing about this in another post. When my ex broke up with me, I started going back to church and going to the young adult group, along with getting involved in the Christian club at my community college, and I just got my first job. I was trying to grow my relationship with God while waiting for the right one. At first FH asked me out but it did take 5 months after the breakup with my ex for FH and I to start dating.

We disagreed on religion a lot, especially when I was involved in those church groups and they didn't like how he was an unbeliever at the time and they kept bugging me to bring him. He was very uncomfortable with that. It caused us to break up because I was torn between my faith and relationship. Thankfully my mom and sister convinced me to go back out with him. He's a Christian now, but not in the evangelical type. He is pretty quiet about his faith but it's there. I used to worry about him only believing because of me, but he says it was on his own accord even though me and another mutual friend (who is a Christian but lesbian, and is so kind and nonjudgmental) to influence him in that direction. He's very uncomfortable with the evangelical/conservative churches because he feels like they are very judgmental to those who are not like them, that they don't care about education, and that they care too much about prosperity gospel teaching when Jesus taught the opposite.

And that is why he is also very liberal, which also influenced me in that sense. To him, being liberal is about doing good not just for yourself but for humanity. Which was what Jesus was all about.

We also go to an Episcoal church which is considered the "middle way" between Catholic (what he was) and Protestant (what I was raised).

He is still not comfortable with how a lot of Christians force their beliefs on others, even if it's a subtle way. He wants to accept people as they are and that's what I love about him.

Our fundamental values about religion and politics are similar, I could never be with someone whose values differed from mine. It's one thing to argue or disagree about little things but things that you truly believe in, you either need to find a compromise or figure out if you can live with a person who disagrees so much with your values.

We're pretty identical in politics, and he's working on his Christian path (I've backslid a lot since I've been with him) but we hold the same beliefs. We DON'T get along in the music department and for two people who love music that makes it pretty hard lol. Like we fight about it during car rides, it's funny but not.