Didn't ask for my fathers "permission"

I knew my fiancé was going to propose and o told him straight up that I did NOT want him to ask my fathers permission because I am not my father property. My answer is the only one that mattered. With that being said I think your father is acting like an entitled child. And he is probably acting that way because maybe he has sad feelings that you two are not close and thought this would somehow make him feel like more of your father? Just speculation.

My FH asked for my father's blessing but told him his plan to ask. He also told his dad and sister his plan as well. I really appreciated that he asked my dad and my dad told both of us he has a ton of respect for my FH for asking and he really appreciated it. FH actually had to ask via text, but with all my family around during the holidays seemed like the best solution to FH. It is ridiculous that your dad doesn't want to talk about your wedding though

I'd talk to your dad privately, and explain it was never important to you and not something you deem appropriate. For me it was, but my father and I are extremely close and have a really healthy relationship.

If you don't have that kind of relationship with your father, he has no right to be upset about it. It's not mandatory for anyone to ask the parent for permission. Yes, it's out of respect but if you're not close, it's not up to him to say.

My dad wasn't in a good chunk of my life (currently have a good relationship) but my fiance ended up asking my mother which in all honesty, I didn't think he was going to ask PERIOD! So I thought it was really sweet. Your father seriously needs to stop being sour about it.

View Quoted Comment I agree! Your dad is being childish but a small apology and handshake from your FH could go a long way.

My hubby thought of asking for my mom’s permission but didn’t want to ruin the surprise proposal (she & I are really close). I told her later about that and she was beaming it even crossed my hubby’s mind.

Your dad is being ridiculous and I'm sorry you are dealing with that. I have gone through similar things with my dad throughout the wedding planning process and we also have a sometimes (ok, most times) difficult relationship. I don't think you need to apologize because you have completely valid reasons for not asking and did nothing wrong. You can explain to him your reasoning, or just ride it out and let him be mad and see if he eventually comes around.

My FH asked my dad's permission and I'm 40 years old. LOL. I think it's the respect factor for dads. My dad relished that experience.... and my fiance and I have been together for 4 years as well, so I'm certain my dad expected we'd be married at some point. I think you guys really need to talk about it with your dad to fully clear the air. Should your fiancé have asked your dad? Maybe. Should your dad have gone about discussing his displeasure a different way? Probably. Should you let this fester? Definitely not. It will just add stress to an already stressful time. Good luck! Keeping you in prayer.

While I personally agree with you and really did not want my fiance to ask my father, it was something my dad made a big deal about before.

This is an outdated and sexist practice, but unfortunately, many fathers think they are entitled to archaic practices that symbolize ownership and the movement of the fathers "property".

My parents acted the same until he asked! they refused to tell any other family members that we were engaged and every time i brought up the wedding they would ask when he was calling. but they are helping with the expenses so he had to call and “ask”

Dads are so weird lol my dad and I aren't that close but my fiancee did ask for his blessing. My dad told him "it doesn't matter what I say, it matters what she (me) wants". So it sounded like he wouldn't approve but I don't think he is capable of saying yes or no. I believe dads have a harder time expressing their emotion. I know my dad does. So maybe he wanted to be somehow included? But he should have approached your fiancee a little more appropriately.

Your dad is allowed to feel hurt, but that doesn't mean you or your FH need to take any further action or respond to dad's manipulative behavior in any way. Just because someone is unhappy about something doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

As someone who is also not close with my dad, I can wholeheartedly say that your feelings count in this, too!

I feel like your dad is blowing it out of proportion just a bit. I sort of understand he might have an old school value expectation with asking permission but he should of just spoke up he was hurt and then let it go. My dad and I have a strained relationship, we're doing better now. But when I told my dad I was engaged he was surprised. He kind of had the same expectation that my f.h would of went to him first but knowing me, my dad knows I'm less than ordinary. So he wasnt upset that my f.h is the same way and just went ahead and proposed.

My FH asked me about whether he should ask my father. He knew I didn't really consider my father as a "father-figure" and the relationship is... confusing. He just wanted to make sure I was okay with whatever he chose to do. I told him that it wouldn't just be uncomfortable, it would almost feel degrading for him to ask.

If I were you, I would still apologize for hurting his feelings; however, I would not apologize for the act itself.

Sounds to me like your dad could be mad about something else and may be using this as a reason to vent.

My husband tried but he picked the one night my dad went out with his friends and didn't have time to try again before the day he proposed. My dad didn't care.

Not much can be done about it now. Maybe have your fiance apologize just to ease the situation even though I think he did nothing wrong.

No, I’d think your dad would be being ridiculous also. I also don’t have a great relationship with my father, a civil one at best. If my dad said that he wanted my fiancé to ask him first, I’d be pretty pissed off because he has no say in who I marry. My fiancé also didn’t ask him before he proposed

No need to ask your father's permission. You are not his property. I would be Furious at any man who thought I was such a child I needed my father's permission. Your Dad needs to get off his big ego high. He has not Needed to do anything for you for years. You are an independent woman, capable of making your own life decisions.

Just an observation, but do you think maybe your dad may be doing this because of your relationship (or lack there of)? He might be lashing out a bit because of regret? Not that it excuses it, he's definitely blowing this out of proportion. We no longer live in a time where asking for a daughters hand in marriage is a usual step and given that you are not close with him, it makes sense that your fiance would assume it was not necessary. Honestly, I would just respect his "right" to be uspset and just let him keep his distance with the wedding talk. He will get over it, he is probably just sulking a little. A lot of emotions, both positive and negative, takes over when it comes to a child getting married and taking that step. It's like a huge "she's growing up" slap in the face and some handle it with excitement and pride, others fight it with anger, sadness, or discontent by lashing out or disapproving. I don't know him personally, but I imagine that he will come around and ultimately be happy for the both of you.

It sounds like your dad is being a bit childish. I understand that he wishes he was asked, but it didn’t happen, so he needs to let it go. My engagement was a total surprise. We never talked much about it at all (though we both knew we wanted to get married at some point). However, I had told my FH that it was important to me that he asks my dad, as I knew it would mean a lot to him and my dad and I are close. It was also important to my FH. Apparently my dad told him that he was extremely happy that he asked, but also surprised and hoped that my FH would propose even if my dad said no! (That threw me for a loop since if my dad said no, there had to be a reason. My FH also said that he wouldn’t have proposed until my dad was fully on board).

At some point your dad is going to have to grow up and talk to you about it. I have a good friend who that happened to, but, while her father was initially disappointed, he realized it wasn’t intended to be a slap in the face and he still fully supported the couple.