Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Expert October 2020

Didn't ask for my fathers "permission"

Futuremrsm, on February 28, 2019 at 11:59 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 38

Saved

Flag
Hide content

So i got engaged late october while on a trip overseas. My fiance and i have been together over 4 years so it was already something i knew was coming and we talked about it beforehand. At christmas my dad told my fiance that he was pissed off at him for not asking for his "permission" to ask me to marry him. I know this is a thing that some families do, but i never thought it was something that needed to be done for me. My dad and I are not that close and my fiance and I treat decisions and milestones in our relationships as something that is decided just between us. Am I wrong to think my dad is being ridiculous? My dad now refuses to talk about it and changes the subject every time i talk about the wedding. I feel like he is blowing this out of proportion especially when he has not been there for me at times and we are not close.

Flag
Hide content

38 Comments

Latest activity by Stephanie, on March 4, 2019 at 3:24 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 28, 2019 at 12:03 PM
Flag

Hide content
Your dad is being ridiculous. You're a grown woman who can make her own decisions when it comes to relationships and any other aspect of your life. Your fiance didn't need your dad's permission to propose and you don't need his permission to get married. If he wants to throw a fit about it, let him. He's only excluding himself further from your wedding.
- Reply
Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on February 28, 2019 at 12:04 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I agree. It's not really phasing me and my fiance doesnt care at all, I'm just dumbfounded it's being made into such a big deal
- Reply
Master August 2019
Allie · on February 28, 2019 at 12:05 PM
Flag

Hide content
I imagine my dad would be upset too if my FH didn't ask. He didn't really "ask" though as you don't really need permission. We had a sit down with my parents and he told them how he felt about me and that he asked me to marry him already. Regardless, I don't think your dad should be acting like a brat.
- Reply
Savvy March 2019
Kristen · on February 28, 2019 at 12:06 PM
Flag

Hide content
My first question would be, What was your FH reaction to your father letting him know he was upset? Was he defensive or apologetic? Did he let your father know that had he realized it was important than he would have asked?
- Reply
Master May 2020
Tara · on February 28, 2019 at 12:06 PM
Flag

Hide content
It’s okay if your dad is hurt, whether you agree with his feelings or not, but it’s not okay that he refuses to listen to you when you want to wedding chat.
- Reply
Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on February 28, 2019 at 12:06 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I would understand him being upset if him and I were close, but i maybe see him once every few months. We try to invite him to dinners and such but he's always busy. We're also not a traditional family so i didn't know this was expected of my fiance
- Reply
Master August 2019
Allie · on February 28, 2019 at 12:07 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment

Then he is definitely being ridiculous. Sorry!
- Reply
Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on February 28, 2019 at 12:08 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
My dad literally went up to him on christmas and said "you're on my crap list" and my fiance said "oh what for?" And my dad said "you know". That was the extent of the conversation. If he would have sat down and expressed that his feelings were hurt im sure my fiance would have apologized
- Reply
VIP June 2020
Kristen · on February 28, 2019 at 12:12 PM
Flag

Hide content
Our dads sound pretty similar! FH did call beforehand to tell them he was proposing but did not ask permission and I actually told him not to because I don’t believe the parents should have to give permission. I try to avoid talking wedding stuff with my dad, and have decided that I’m going to allow him to escort me down the aisle on the terms that he doesn’t try to tell me how to do my wedding anymore. If I don’t let him walk me and do the dance it would probably also cause a lot of drama.
- Reply
Dedicated August 2019
Jessica · on February 28, 2019 at 12:12 PM
Flag

Hide content
I’m not trying to be rude, but I’m my opiniom yes I think he’s making a big deal out of it. My fiancé had planned to ask my dad for permission because that’s just how he is, but my dad ended up writing him a card giving him permission first. It really just depends on the person, there is no requirement that says you need to ask and if your dad wanted that then he should said something to you a long time ago. It’s kind of rude for him to refuse to talk about your wedding, that would make me upset
- Reply
Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on February 28, 2019 at 12:13 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
We are definitely in the same boat. Not looking forward to being walked down the aisle or the dance, but I'm just doing them to avoid drama
- Reply
Master May 2021
Cristy · on February 28, 2019 at 12:14 PM
Flag

Hide content
First, I think your dad is acting like a baby. Having said that, he clearly had his feelings hurt, but here's what can be done now.
Way back in the day, this was a thing, as most of you know. Nowadays, it's seen as more of a gesture, to make everyone feel good and included.
Maybe your fiance could have a chat with dad, and let him know that he never intended to offend, or leave your dad out of the loop. Just a small mention of it, to diffuse your dad's hurt feelings.
I'm always about how to make things better for everyone, even if it's ridiculous. It's often a small price to pay to get everyone happy again.
- Reply
VIP June 2020
Kristen · on February 28, 2019 at 12:14 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
FH and his mom are dancing at the same time as us to avoid all attention being on my dad and I — maybe you could try that too?
- Reply
Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on February 28, 2019 at 12:16 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I would suggest for my fiance to do this, if my dad was a sane person. He cant ever sit down and have a normal civil conversation, so i dont want to put my fiance through that. Let's just say with the type of person my dad is, he's lucky he's being invited to the wedding
- Reply
Expert October 2020
Futuremrsm · on February 28, 2019 at 12:16 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
That is actually a really great idea! My fiance is close with his mom but doesn't really want to dance with her lol. I really like that idea
- Reply
Super April 2019
Valerie · on February 28, 2019 at 12:19 PM
Flag

Hide content
My dad and I are super close and he was shocked that my FH asked for his blessing beforehand and my dad's response was 'Well, if she says yes then I say yes. But if she says no, I say no'. I think your dad is way out of line.
- Reply
Super October 2019
Brittany · on February 28, 2019 at 12:19 PM
Flag

Hide content
Especially if you guys are not close, I find that extremely ridiculous! FH asked my dad for "permission" but my dad and I are really close. It meant a lot to my dad and he was in tears. No one NEEDS "permission" to propose. I think it's just ridiculous that he refuses to talk about it and always changes the subject.
- Reply
VIP March 2019
Yoice · on February 28, 2019 at 12:20 PM
Flag

Hide content
I think this only applies if it means something to you. I wanted fiancé to ask my dad for permission just out of formality. We have being dating 7 years when we got engaged, we live together so it was more of a formality but I was meaningful to me. If it wasn’t for you then it shouldn’t be a big deal.
As for your father maybe is meaningful to him and you just tell him you didn’t know and it was not something you cared for. He would get it.
- Reply
Super September 2019
Courtney · on February 28, 2019 at 12:20 PM
Flag

Hide content
Yes, I don’t agree with how your dad is acting about this. The decision to marry is between the couple. I knew it was important to both my parents to get the heads up that we were getting engaged so I told my SO that he might want to share the good news that he’ll be asking me when he was ready. I’m close to my parents and knew they would like to be in on it. He was not asking permission. If your dad won’t talk about it I would just share that you’re sorry he didn’t get a heads up but you both felt like it was a private decision and that you shared the news as a couple when you were ready. This wasn’t intended to hurt his feelings, it was how you both wanted to handle the engagement. And if he doesn’t want to discuss it further that’s his business.
- Reply

VIP June 2020
Kristen · on February 28, 2019 at 12:21 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
Same here!! But we decided that this would be the best compromise between what myself, him, my dad, and his mom want! We are still trying to choose a song though, his mom suggested “My Wish” and I need to listen to it
- Reply

8 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Signing Up for Couples Counseling — Married Life 8 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Signing Up for Couples... Not sure whether couples counseling is right for you? Ask yourself these...

12 Best Spanish Father-Daughter Dance Songs to Dance to at Your Wedding — Wedding Songs & Music 12 Best Spanish Father-Daughter Dance Songs to Dance to at... Whether you're looking for an old classic or a newer hit, there are plenty of...

27 Gifts to Give the Father of the Bride in Honor of Your Wedding — Relatives 27 Gifts to Give the Father of the Bride in Honor of Your... On the hunt for something special to give your or your S.O.'s dad? These...

Post content has been hidden

Didn't ask for my fathers "permission"

38 Comments

Related articles