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Did anyone else feel upset about a blind proposal?

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Kimberly, on February 10, 2021 at 2:55 PM

So I need to know if I’m overreacting. Me and my best friend have been best friends for over 10 years. We also have been dating two guys that are brothers for more than 6 years so you can say we are all pretty close.

Recently I found out that my best friend is getting proposed to soon. I am initially happy for her and excited because I am getting married in the next month. However, I was disappointed that her boyfriend didn’t tell me about the proposal. I had no idea until someone mentioned something about it.
The thing that upsets me is her bf told three of our other friends except me and they helped planned the proposal. Yes we are all friends but no one is close and know everything about my best friend but me. Now like I said we are all close (best friend, her boyfriend, my fiancé) and all hangout almost everyday. So this really hurt me. When I asked why He didn’t tell me he said because a couple years ago I told my best friend about a surprise on her birthday that I had no idea was a surprise because it was something so simple (getting off early from work to see her). The only thing I knew was that he got off of work early and was with his brother (my boyfriend). So when my best friend asked where was my BF I told her he was with his brother.
I’m just upset because me and my best friend always talk about her getting married and leading up until that. My boyfriend thinks I’m overreacting but it hurt my feelings.

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27 Comments

Devoted March 2022
Apryl · on February 10, 2021 at 4:05 PM
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I have to agree with your boyfriend.
He has a right to plan his proposal how he sees fit.
Just be happy for your friend.
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Super October 2022
AJ · on February 10, 2021 at 4:19 PM
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Well said Caytlyn, 100% agree
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Dedicated November 2021
Claudia · on February 10, 2021 at 4:29 PM
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So now you have the options to let it go and celebrate this happy time WITH your friend or hold a grudge DURING your friend's happy time.
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on February 10, 2021 at 7:00 PM
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As someone who has kind of been in this situation I too think you are overreacting a bit. One of my close friends was the only person who knew about my proposal, and she was there. When she got engaged, another of her friends knew about it and was there, I was not. Had no idea it was happening. Another friend posted about it, and that was how I found out.

Was I a little sad? Yes...but the moment was not about me. I was not (and you were not) 'owed' anything about how anyone else gets engaged. To me that is up to the couple. Perhaps there were people who looked at my proposal and said 'why didn't I know' and the reason for that was that I wanted it to be private. I would trust that he had his reasons for picking who he did, and be happy. Your BFF is going to be your SIL, that is awesome news!
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on February 10, 2021 at 8:47 PM
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Totally agree with everyone- he’s probably playing it safe so things don’t slip & mess with his plans.
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Expert September 2022
EGD · on February 11, 2021 at 12:09 PM
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Your feelings are valid, but I wouldn't stew in it too long.
My Best Friend knew about my engagement, listened to me cry when I thought it wasn't going to happen and was an all around GREAT secret keeper, until she slipped and said she had to text my FH about something, and I jokingly said "oOoOo do I need to get my nails done" and she acted weird about about it so it tipped me off a little.
My FH wanted this to be a COMPLETE secret, he didn't ask my parents until a couple nights before because he didn't think my mom would be able to handle the secret, and his mom ended up blowing it for him and he was devastated that this was no longer a secret.
Process your emotions and be happy for your best friend.
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Master 0000
Judith · on February 11, 2021 at 2:20 PM
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I for one would have been furious with my FI if I found he told any friend or family that he was proposing, before he proposed to me. Since a few years of TV shows, suddenly proposals have gone from a private thing, to staged surprises, sometimes with others present for pictures, etc. something that had always been rare. Whether the man proposes, or the woman does, I think it should be strictly between the two of them until the proposal is accepted. Each person should have the space with minimum pressure to talk about any reservations, or say no. Tell people after it happens, not before. Part of growing up and being ready to marry involves putting your FI first. In all decision making, especially the decision to marry. 🙂 Here you are, newly engaged. You should be over the moon about being engaged. Instead you are grousing about who FI did or did not tell first. Let go of it before the negativity really hurts a relationship. To be angry with FI for not proposing exactly to suit you, as though what you want is more important that what he chooses, will be really dysfunctional for a marriage. Let it go. Things are not always going to go your way, and you need to allow FI to confidently do things and make decisions like an equal and independent adult. ... That means things are not going to always be your way, and it is not for you to undermine him when he does not do things your way. Never let him, or any of your family and friends hear about your complaints. Otherwise it will get back to him sooner or later. And he will likely be either humiliated, or angry, about you sharing such things.
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