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Did anyone else feel upset about a blind proposal?

Kimberly, on February 10, 2021 at 2:55 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 27
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So I need to know if I’m overreacting. Me and my best friend have been best friends for over 10 years. We also have been dating two guys that are brothers for more than 6 years so you can say we are all pretty close.


Recently I found out that my best friend is getting proposed to soon. I am initially happy for her and excited because I am getting married in the next month. However, I was disappointed that her boyfriend didn’t tell me about the proposal. I had no idea until someone mentioned something about it.
The thing that upsets me is her bf told three of our other friends except me and they helped planned the proposal. Yes we are all friends but no one is close and know everything about my best friend but me. Now like I said we are all close (best friend, her boyfriend, my fiancé) and all hangout almost everyday. So this really hurt me. When I asked why He didn’t tell me he said because a couple years ago I told my best friend about a surprise on her birthday that I had no idea was a surprise because it was something so simple (getting off early from work to see her). The only thing I knew was that he got off of work early and was with his brother (my boyfriend). So when my best friend asked where was my BF I told her he was with his brother.
I’m just upset because me and my best friend always talk about her getting married and leading up until that. My boyfriend thinks I’m overreacting but it hurt my feelings.

27 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on February 11, 2021 at 2:20 PM
  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
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    I mean no harm when I say this, but I think you're overreacting a little as well.

    He's not obligated to tell you that he's wanting to propose, and from what you've said, it sounds like he was just worried that you might hint at something that would suggest he's going to propose. It doesn't necessarily mean that he was being spiteful about it, or wanted to hurt the friendship.

    Just because you weren't the first person told about the proposal, doesn't mean him and his gf view you differently, or don't value your friendship anymore. There's still a whole wedding to plan after the proposal, so you'll have plenty of time to celebrate her and bond over this wedding.

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  • Expert September 2021
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    Agree 1,000% with this!

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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    I agree with Sally, I think you may be overreacting a bit. I completely understand why though since she is your best friend and it obviously means a lot for you to be included in big events in her life. I truly think he was just being cautious because of the birthday surprise accidentally being ruined. Obviously this is a huge event and he wants it to be a surprise so he’s probably just being very cautious. And that’s not to even say that you would accidentally say something. You guys are obviously extremely close and best friends can often tell when the other is holding a secret, even without you saying or doing anything. I think you should just move past it and be happy for your friend and the fact that she has a boyfriend who obviously cares a lot about her and really wants this engagement to be perfect for her.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    I agree with PP. He probably did not tell you because he knew you would be very excited for your best friend and have a hard time keeping the secret. I wouldn't worry about it anymore and just be excited when the proposal happens.

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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    It’s okay to be hurt about this, don’t let it hurt your relationship though.
    He didn’t have to ask you for help and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t value you or understand how close you guys are.
    My husband didn’t ask my best friend for help, and he knows her very well as she’s the person that’s responsible for us meeting. It wasn’t rude of him, just wasn’t needed.I would move on and just get excited for your friends’ wedding!
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I agree with Shelly! I wouldn't take it personally. It sounds like he really wants it to be a surprise for her, and he was being careful with who he told so that word didn't accidentally get to her.
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  • K
    Kimberly ·
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    It’s not because he didn’t tell me first it’s that he did not tell me at all. I found out through someone else and all our other friends knew (even though they have not knew her long) and planned except for me. She is more like a sister to me. I also kept plenty secrets after that! But I will try not to be so upset at him I guess.
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  • Molly
    Expert May 2022
    Molly ·
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    I'm sorry you weren't included and it's okay to feel hurt, but it seems he also had his reasons to not include you in the surprise. I would let it go and just be happy for them. I'm sure you will be included in all her wedding planning and you can look forward to that with her!

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  • Allie
    VIP November 2021
    Allie ·
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    As others said, it sounds like he didn't tell you because it's VERY hard holding a secret like that from someone you are extremely close to. My best friend didn't speak to me for almost 2 months after she helped my FH pick out a ring because she knew she'd say something dumb and give it away! And a while ago, my other best friend's fiance told me he didn't tell me about the proposal because he knew it would be difficult to keep a secret and he didn't want to put me through that. Plus, the reaction is so much better for her when you DON'T know because you are also surprised. At least that was my take on things. Don't stress it too much or be hurt. I don't think the intentions were bad here.

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  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
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    I think your overreacting I understand your feelings but your bf boyfriend wants this to be perfect and was afraid that you would ruin it for her. not saying you would but he wants this to be perfect for her.

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  • C
    Dedicated November 2021
    Claudia ·
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    Proposing is a big thing in a person's life, so with the history you presented about you ruining a surprise for your friend before it doesn't come as a shock to me that he didn't give you any details prior to. Look at it from his perspective. Be happy for your friends.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Your feelings are valid and you’re allowed to be disappointed, but you need to work through this on your own and move past it. He did absolutely nothing wrong and you’re not entitled to information about anyone else’s plans just because you’re besties.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    You are allowed to have hurt feelings but I don't know if you are overreacting unless I know how you have acted as a result of your hurt feelings. If you just vent to your boyfriend, then no big deal. If you allow this to change your relationship with your friends, then yeah, that's overreacting.

    Moving forward, I would work hard on not trying to control other people's events. Other's engagements, weddings, etc. are really just for you to celebrate (if you want to celebrate them), not for you to try to insert yourself and require any special involvement.

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  • Stacey
    Super May 2021
    Stacey ·
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    I think you are reading way too much into this. He did nothing wrong. Be happy for your friends! Work through these feelings and let them go quickly, or you'll miss out on what should otherwise be a joyous, exciting milestone in your best friend's life.

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  • K
    Kimberly ·
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    I tried to but I find it really petty. He did not have anything planned just coming a few hours early. On top of that no one told me it was a surprised. I only said something because she asked where my bf was when I was picked her up from work and I told her with her bf. This was also over 5 years ago.
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  • K
    Kimberly ·
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    I have not done anything but vent to my boyfriend. Being that my best friend was almost the only one involved in my proposal it goes deeper than that. We are really close
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    That's good! That's what boyfriends are for. Smiley smile I would just feel your feel feelings, keep them private, and move on with your life.

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  • A
    Expert September 2020
    Amanda ·
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    This is so silly. Just be happy for your friend.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Agree with this. People propose blindly all the time

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  • S
    Beginner May 2021
    Samari ·
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    You have every reason to be upset. From what you said that is like your sister. I would be hurt if my sisters husband didn’t include me in the proposal but included other people because that is also my best friend! His reason is petty but also I would not stir up any trouble. Be happy for your best friend. This is still about them not you.
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