Destination Wedding with guest cap larger than invite list

So it's a destination wedding. You are inviting 80 people and the venue you want can only have 35? You want to invite only some to the ceremony and all to the reception.

I would be very, very mad if I traveled to go to a wedding and I wasn't even invited for the ceremony.

Nope - everything you are planning is totally inappropriate. 1) Do not tier a wedding, that says "hey, you aren't good enough to watch us get married, but come from out of state, bring us gifts and not be part of our entire day" 2) that gap is super unacceptable because your guests are coming from out of town.

So yes, either cut your guest list, close the gap and keep your dream ceremony spot, or pick a new spot that you can properly host everyone on your guest list.

I think from what i have seen here that its ok to have the small ceremony and invite everyone to the reception but not the other way around. I dont think that i would be offended if someone told me that there isn't enough room at the ceremony. but i also wouldn't expect all 80 people to go to the destination wedding so you may be ok.

ETA; you might want to cut your guest list by 20 people though

I would be pissed if I traveled out of state and didn't even get to go to the ceremony. Sorry, but your guests trump your dream space.

Surfer: But she wants to know if you will travel across the country for a destination wedding and only be invited to the reception. That's the part that is rude.

You need to change where you're having the wedding, period.

Either give up your "dream ceremony spot" or give up more than half of your guests. There was someone who posted a few weeks ago about being invited a DW that weren't invited to the ceremony. She was pretty peeved, and most of us were for her too. It's not a nice message to send anybody, and Emmy hit it on the head. I wouldn't come to your wedding and spend hundreds-thousands of dollars to get there if you don't even want me there to watch you get married.

FutureMrsWalton- well why is it ok if the reception is near most of the guests then to exclude people from the ceremony then? whats the difference?

Plus she said that there is a gap between the ceremony and the reception. people might like being able to explore wherever she is having the wedding.

Cut down your list. I agree with Surfergirl that not all 80 will come to your wedding but you can't rely on that.

Surfer: I'm not going to spend thousands of dollars to go somewhere if I'm not even invited to watch them get married.

If your reception is near where your guests live, they won't be spending a ton of money to TRAVEL somewhere.

ETA: I don't think it is okay to exclude people at all.

FutureMrsWalton- thats your personal choice- if it was somewhere cool that i have never been to before that i have wanted to go then i would consider it and i would enjoy celebrating with my friend.

ETA: Spending a "ton" is relative to each person, even if you are only an hour from home if you have to spend $200 on a hotel that could be someones version of a lot of money

A small intimate ceremony is completely appropriate, but that is the couple and maybe brothers/sisters and parents. Not 35 people. That is completely different. I would be offended if I were told there wasn't enough room

Locally, it would be fine, but not for a destination. Everyone should be invited for the ceremony. Sorry.

Yes, everyone has different opinions, but I feel that many people wouldn't be too happy.

I'd be upset if I traveled for your wedding only to find out that about half the guests did get to attend the ceremony. 35 people isn't an intimate ceremony. On top of that, I'm not usually a huge hater of the gap time like some people, but I'd also be pissed to go to a wedding in a location I'm not familiar with, and then have to occupy myself for hours waiting to go to your reception. If it was somewhere cool, I could get on board with exploring, but etiquette-wise, any gap should be hosted by you. Ideally, the reception should be immediately following the ceremony.

My vote is you need a new venue or a new guest list...can't have both the way it is now.

Hey i did say that she should cut her guest list, she can plan on doing that sight right now but have a back up plan for the ceremony. or it could just be immediate family at the ceremony

Thank you everyone for your input! I was thinking it was a terrible idea but wanted to make sure I wasn't the only thinking so. Luckily, my dream spot is a nature preserve and very close to where the reception is (close as in 2 miles away) so my plan is that I'll do both ceremony and reception at the spot that can hold entire guest list and pop over to dream spot to pictures prior to ceremony.

You need to either change venues or only invite 35 people.

If everyone were local, it would be fine to have a small ceremony but more people at the reception.

However, if your total guest list is 80 people, 35 isn't a "small ceremony". It's roughly half. People who traveled to be at your wedding will likely be upset if they aren't part of the "better half" that gets to attend the ceremony.

I am glad you found a place that can hold everyone! I know as a guest I would feel really annoyed to not be invited to both especially if it was a destination place!

@carley- that sounds like a better plan anyway, i like the idea of using it just for pictures.