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J
Beginner June 2020

Destination wedding. shower/i do bbq 1 week after the wedding.

Jessica, on February 6, 2020 at 3:33 PM Posted in Wedding Reception 0 24
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I am having my DW in June. I am not having any bridal party no bridesmaids or groomsmen it’s just me and my fiancé. We are not having a traditional bridal shower since I want my fiancé involved and I want all my guests women and men included to see us before we get married or after. So I invited 90 people to the DW and the CO ED wedding shower/I do bbq we are having. We don’t know if we want it before the wedding or after but we’re leaning towards after because we want to have everyone see us as a newlywed couple! Just so you all know EVERYONE I INVITED TO THE WEDDING SHOWER IS INVITED TO THE DW . Only 20 people are attending my wedding so far. I know I won’t have much more then that. All my guests said they will attend the wedding shower/bbq before or after the wedding when my fiancé and I decide on the date. But DID ANYONE ON HERE EVER HAVE A SHOWER AFTER THE DW? That is all I want to know.
* if you wanna talk about not having gifts I don’t want to hear it. Every bride has gifts at a bridal shower so I’m entitled to have one of my own and i tell them I want no homely gifts only money if they choose to. To many people don’t understand that at a wedding and a shower, gifts are not asked for directly, but they need to be stated so guests know what to get you. Bridal registries and cash registries would never exist if you weren’t supposed to get gifts. I’m tired of being told it’s tacky for saying I want money over pots and pans for our future honeymoon at our shower. Why does everyone say for their shower “im registered at here and here” how is that not tacky then? IT ISNT NEITHER IS MINE!

Here is an invite I got from my friends wedding in May that is requesting money and saying we don’t need to bring money but that is what they want over homely gifts. (I do not want to hear gifts are tacky) I just want people to tell me if they had parties after the wedding and how it went. THAT IS ALL.

Destination wedding. shower/i do bbq 1 week after the wedding. 1

24 Comments

Latest activity by MD, on February 7, 2020 at 11:27 AM
  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    I have never heard about or been invited to a shower after a regular wedding or a DW. Showers are always done about a month before.

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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    I just don’t want three parties. I def didn’t want a bridal shower beforehand because I wanted guys included and I want our guests to celebrate once we’re married and just have a shower then. But I understand what you mean! Thank you
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  • Sherry
    Master September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    I would suggest just having a BBQ style reception once you return. The fact that it is a "reception" to celebrate your getting married is enough to let people know that if they want to bring a gift (or cash), this would be the time to do it and not having a registry, most will just bring cash anyway.


    Maybe something like...

    We got married! Please join us for a BBQ reception to celebrate the newlyweds.

    (your name) and (husbands name) along with our families are requesting your presence at x place on x date at x time.

    Then if you want to mention about the gifts/cash or not having a registry that is up to you. I would just leave that part out but you know your crowd more than I do.


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  • needmorewine
    Expert May 2016
    needmorewine ·
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    You can't tell people how to post or what answers to give you.


    You'll get the same answers that you received on your other nearly identical post from earlier. Having a BBQ is fine, but throwing your own shower is not.

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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    Yea it’s gonna be a co Ed wedding shower/I do bbq. It’s gonna be in a backyard we’re def doing a bbq with the shower. Easiest cheapest best way to go!
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    "But DID ANYONE ON HERE EVER HAVE A SHOWER AFTER THE DW? That is all I want to know."


    No.

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    This.


    I dont know why you started another account and thread to get the same answers... plus I think duplicate accounts are against community guidelines.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I’ve never heard of anyone having a shower after the wedding, no matter what the circumstances of the wedding were (destination, elopement, military, etc.).
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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    Thanks Sarah! My cousin had one after her wedding in Vegas. So that’s what I’m going to do! Just wanted to see if anyone on here did.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    You asked me, as a member of this forum, a question; I answered. There's no need for name calling or histrionics.

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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    Sorry OP, but I'm going to echo everyone else. You should not be throwing your own shower. The point of a shower is literally to shower the bride/groom with gifts, and should be set up and hosted by someone else who offers.


    You're also doing a destination elopement, and those invited to a bridal shower should always be people invited to the wedding as well (barring a shower thrown in your honor at, say, your workplace as a surprise). Hosting a shower for yourself (especially before/after an elopement) is quite gift grabby. You can celebrate with some kind of function after the fact (a delayed reception) but having a shower is pretty rude.

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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    Megan I truly don’t understand what you women read on this website!! I am THROWING MY OWN SHOWER because my family and his family does not have money to do anything for us or the wedding we are the ones doing it all. So we are THROWING OUR OWN SHOWER AFTER THE WEDDING SINCE THERE WILL NOT BE ONE BEFORE THE SHOWER AND ALL OF MY GUESTS THAT ARE INVITED TO THE SHOWER ALLLL 90 ARE ALLL INVITED TO THE WEDDING. How about you RE READ WHAT I JUST WROTE!!!! And listen to what you just said about a shower “to shower bride and groom with gifts” THERE IS NO RULE YOU CAN HAVE IT BEFORE OR AFTER NO LAW THAT SAYS YOU CANNOT LOLLL. My fiancé and I want a shower and bbq so we can celebrate our marriage and “GET SHOWERED WITH GIFTS” as you said lol. We’re allowed to throw our own. Many girls throw their own bridal showers nowadays. It’s not the same as it was in the olden days! Having a shower for yourself is not rude in any sense of the word. It’s because no one else can do it so my fiancé and I have the money to do it ourselves and all our guests can be there with us. And idk if you know what elope means but a destination wedding is diff then elope. We aren’t just running off changing our names alone. We are having an actual wedding ceremony and reception at a destination WITH CLOSE FAMILY AND FRIENDS. Then a After the wedding shower bbq.
    MEGAN DID YOU HAVE A BRIDAL SHOWER AFTER YOUR WEDDING? No? Ok thanks.
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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    I think it’s pointless for anyone to engage this person. She does not get it. She will not get it. And obviously has no desire to get it. She has made her mind up that she will be ignoring etiquette and throwing her own “shower” and does not care if she is rude to her guests. It seems as though she is posting this ridiculous stuff in order to argue with people.
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I'm going to ignore everything else; however, please, please rethink this wording, "so I’m entitled to have one of my own and i tell them I want no homely gifts only money if they choose to." Why? Because I can't imagine anyone not being insulted when their gift is called "homely."

    "The adjective homely is a slightly more gentle word than ugly, with a meaning closer to "plain" than "hideous." It's almost always used to describe a less-than-attractive person, and occasionally an animal. If you were British, you'd use homely to mean "cozy and homelike," but in the United States you'd say "homey"." (Vocabulary.com)

    Please, at least, tell your friends and family you want no "homey" gifts, rather than "homely." Good luck to you!

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  • M
    Expert October 2021
    Megan ·
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    Girl, you are on one.


    I'm in the wedding business and have been for five years. You're literally not allowed to throw your own and it's rude to think so, though judging by your attitude on here, I can understand how that coincides. Good luck.

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    If you have the money, why are you pandering to your guests?
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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Ugh *panhandling
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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    If anyone has the money why do they put bridal registries on the invites then?? If they can afford house gifts why they have a registry? Answer me honestly...



    .I’m not forcing my guests to give money I’m telling them IF THEY WANT TO GIVE ITD JUST BE MONEY & WE DONT HAVE A REGISTRY. Guests want to know whether there is a registry or not. If you got a bridal shower invite you’d be like um there’s no registry so I guess just money. DUH
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  • J
    Beginner June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    Lol LB lollll
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  • Jodie
    Dedicated April 2021
    Jodie ·
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    Amen.........
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