Destination wedding guest

I also had a destination wedding. Part of planning one is accepting that some guests you really want to be there won't be able to make it and you have to be ok with that. You see their lifestyle at face value but have no idea what their situation really is. If they can make it then wonderful but if they can't then accept their regrets but keep the friendship.

My best friend from age 4 had a dw. Even having a "good" job and no kids I still couldn't afford it. It broke my heart, but I couldn't swing it financially.

I think there a lot of people with good jobs who still struggle financially, even though they probably don't want others to know that.

It could have to do with the fact that you keep asking them. Send your invites out in a few months and let them RSVP. Don't ask them every month until the wedding.

I can understand you wanting your closest friends at your wedding, but you're being annoying. Stop asking them, and understand that if they can't make it, that doesn't mean they don't care. Just because they make good money, doesn't mean they HAVE money. Do you know what debts they have? I doubt it.

Stop asking them, and stop counting their coins.

My best friend had a destination wedding. Initially said I would go & scheduled the time off even before I told her I was going to go (without an official rsvp). RIGHT before rsvp, my boss took a leave of absence & I had to replace her. I could afford it, I wanted to go, but being a workaholic & feeling responsible for my team, I had to decline. We've been friends since we were like 7 years old - she understood because she knows me (how hard I work, how much I wanted to achieve certain goals in my career, etc). I'm sure she was disappointed, as was I, but never in a trillion years did I think it would ruin our friendship. I sent a very nice gift & spent a ton of time with her after their honeymoon to talk all about it. She just had her baby today (5 years later) and I was one of the first people she told that she was pregnant & that kid is (according to both of us) my niece, for all intents and purposes.

Friendship shouldn't be based on whether someone shows up to your wedding - if they don't come, it's probably for a very, very good reason.

And also, as someone mentioned above, just because someone has a "good job" doesn't mean they have a lot of discretionary income. I have clients who drive nice cars & make a good salary but have no extra money because they spend every last dollar on "stuff".

As much as we, as brides, don't want to admit it, we are not the center of people's universes because we're getting married. It's one day & some people legitimately can't make it for one reason or another. Personally, I will not take it personally if my BFFs couldn't come (I'll be having a local wedding) because I know that they would also be disappointed for not being able to.

I only get so many vacation days a year so I would more than likely turn down a DW if invited. It would have absolutely nothing to do with the person getting married and I might be bummed that I missed it, but it is what it is. I want to use my days doing something my FH and I plan, not at a destination that was chosen for us around someone else's time frame. The only exception I can think of would be my very immediate family.

Since August of 2016, me and FH have gained a car payment, an extra $50 a month of insurance, a finance payment, and his checks up until a few months ago about $500 less a month then what we were used to. Putting our wedding aside, a destination wedding that would have been in the cards in August, may not be now. It may be the same for your friends. Things happen, financial situations change, but the thing is, how much they make, or just because they have "good jobs" their financial situation is none of your business. Unless you know the ins and out of their bank account, who are you to say weather or not someone can afford something?

Where is the destination? Maybe your friends don't have enough vacation time, or perhaps they are concerned about Zika, as I mentioned on another DW post.

I understand how frustrating it must be. This is one of the tricky things with a DW. Even though you say they have "good paying jobs" doesn't mean that they can take the time off work or that they can afford it. I hope they are able to make it, but try not to over think it. Just because they can't make it to your DW doesn't mean they don't want to be there. There are so many other factors that go into play for a DW.

Thanks everyone! I definitely needed an outside perspective on this and I appreciate that! I've realized that with the planning of a DW comes the fact that some people won't come. It honestly just surprises me that the people you least expect to go are the ones attending and the ones who you thought would go aren't. I now realize I'm definitely being irrational and I have no idea what else is going on in their lives.

I think I compare it to what I have going on and if a friend of mine was having a DW I would certainly go but that's just me. Everyone else is different.

My FBIL had a destination wedding. Both FH and I have good jobs but money is still tight as I was helping my mom pay for some of my dads meds that weren't covered. I ended up not going because of my dad's health being too iffy. However if it hadn't been scheduled on days when we were off (FBIL and I are both teachers in the same state) I wouldn't have gone.

You are only seeing the face value of their lives. There may be other circumstances you aren't aware of. I can understand you would want them there but I would certainly hope you wouldn't lose several long time friendships over it.

I'm having a DW and the best advice I can give is to stop asking them if they're coming and assume they're not and don't be upset. It is not fair to expect someone to come to your DW as a condition of your friendship. You have to assume friends can't come and anyone who makes it is icing on the cake.

I would be frustrated they're just not telling you no, but they probably don't want to hurt your feelings. Don't let this ruin your friendship.

I went through this during planning too. 3 of my really good friends won't be able to make it to our DW. One of them was a BM and she was stalling on making the deposit. I silently stewed in confusion for a few weeks until she told me that she and her husband were expecting a baby!!! All three of those friends are currently pregnant!

I say all of that to say, as others have, that not everyone will be able to make it and you have to be okay with that. Life happens and no one's life stops because I'm getting married. It sucks when people we especially want there can't attend, but that's something to definitely consider when deciding on a DW.

I am having a wedding about four hours away from where I live. I have accepted that this means some people can't come. Sure, I will be disappointed, but at the end of the day, FH will be my husband whether it is in front of 40 people, 20 people or just the officiant.

You say they can afford it. Do you really know what their finances look like? My guess is no. Nobody wants to fork over thousands to go to a wedding. Nor should they feel obligated to.

My guess is they know you well enough to know that declining would upset you, and they haven't figured out how to say it. I know it sucks, but that's part of a DW. Is there a deadline that you absolutely have to know by? My suggestion is to try your best to be okay with it, and then when the deadline approaches, ask in a way that lets them know that it's okay if they have to say no. I'm sure it's upsetting for them as well. Don't let this ruin your friendship! A wedding is one day, but these girls have been your friends all your life!

How do you know what they can afford? Did they show you their balance sheet, stock portfolio or the underside of their mattress?

They could be in debt up to their eyeballs.

I think maybe what I should have elaborated on was that when I see them going on other vacations to Vegas or Punta Cana or buying a $900 pair of shoes, I assume they can afford a DW. This isn't for all four of them, but I get that I don't understand their financial situation.

I would almost certainly decline an invitation to a destination wedding no matter how close I was to the person. I get ten days off per year. That's it. Ten. And most American workers are in the same boat. I love to travel, and I live for those ten days. There is virtually nothing that could cause me to sacrifice my chance at that one real vacation per year.

You chose this path. By choosing a destination wedding, you chose to prioritize scenery over people. If it was really important to you to have these friends at your wedding, you could have held it locally.