Destination Bachelorette: Do bridesmaids have to pick up brides airfare/hotel

Mine is in Vegas and I paid for my own hotel, airfare, and concert ticket (how I think it should be). Hopefully the girls will help take care of me some once we're there (because that's what I'd do as a BM, buy some drinks and food), but I'm certainly not expecting it and am prepared to pay my own way.

MOH didn't ask anyone about their budget for the bachelorette party before planning this???

I think the MOH really should have consulted all of you about budget before planning a destination bachelorette and then should have made sure the plans for within that budget. You're right to be upset.

I think your proposed response sounds perfect. It's very diplomatic.

Mine was in Charleston. I paid for my own hotel. I have been to several destination bachelorette parties. In all cases, the bride paid for her own travel. Paying for the hotel is variable and usually depends on the funding ability of the wedding party - I did not pay at my party, I did pay at 2 parties I helped plan where there were several younger people with limited budgets (split cost with MOH), I did not pay for 1 party I did not plan (Bride helped out MOH who had limited budget). So I think she should definitely be on the hook for her airfare, that is standard, and since Vegas is so expensive, I wouldn't have a problem with her paying for her hotel either, if you guys will really cover everything else.

I am going to two bachelorette parties in the next few months:

1. It is a concert with a hotel for the night - roughly $200 per person including covering the bride. Wouldn't think otherwise.

2. Two nights in a city about 4 hours a way with a ton of activities. The MOH doesn't plan on covering he bride except for meals. A little rude in my book but I can't afford much so w/e. Roughly $550 without some meals.

Personally, I think the bride should cover her flight since she wanted a destination. The attendees should cover everything else.

As a bride I just need someone to cover my drinks for the night and get me some inappropriate decorations and beads. That's all, I can take care of my other expenses!

I do not think you should have to pay for her hotel or transportation. If the MOH did not check with everyone in the cost before planning, that usher own fault. She is now stuck with that cost. Or the bride issue was part if the decision to go.

My personal opinion is that ofnyour had no part in planing the bachelorette (local or destination) you are not responsible for covering any of the brides costs. It's great if you cm cover a dinner or a few drinks but I don't think you should feel obligated to just because you are in the bridal party. Whoever planned it should also plan on covering the brides costs or discuss with others prior to plans being made. Just as brides should ask bridesmaids what they are comfortable spending on a dress, the MOH should have asked what you were comfortable spending (If anything at all) for the brides part of the trip.

I would just say no to this. I think it's kind of rude for the MOH to just plan this without input for budget from the BP. Honestly if the bride didn't demand/ask for a destination bachelorette I'd expect the BP to pick up airfare and hotel because that is a lot to just ask out of the blue for a party in your honor. She's planning a wedding and I doubt she can just drop that kind of money with little notice.

How do people even have the nerve to ask for this kind of thing? We're constantly reading threads authored by brides who are concerned about the $300 price tag on the BMs gown, and they're worried that it's too much. Now, we're talking about an optional party that is costing a BM $3K? It's insanity, and it should stop.

I think your response is good, but I'd be a little more direct. Instead of saying, " "I am fine traveling for the destination bachelorette as I know I live far away for everyone, but with traveling twice and the other wedding expenses, I dont think I would be able to contribute to the brides flight/hotel at this time..." just say, "The costs of traveling twice, added to the other wedding expenses, makes it impossible for me to contribute to the bride's airfare/hotel expenses. I can cover my own travel/lodging expenses as well as my percentage of entertainment costs, but that's as much as I can do. So, let me know how you want to proceed."

I don't know who came up with this idea -- the bride, the MOH, or whomever -- but it should have been run by the BMs before it was announced as an amount due. Unless you're all independently wealthy, or trust fund babies, this is a massive request.

First of all I think $3,000 is INSANE for a trip to Vegas. It's easy to do but not necessary (I found 3 nights and flight recently for $500 for 2, and we have been multiple times). As a bride, I would not ask or expect my girls to cover my flight or hotel, or all my meals, etc. As a guest, if I couldn't swing that I would absolutely decline. That is the risk you take asking for a destination party! Totally unreasonable expectation

Please edit your response to say "I cannot pay for X" instead of "I don't think I can".

Shut it down immediately. I'm annoyed for you!

I have mixed feelings about this. I'm pretty against the bride paying for anything at her bachelorette unless SHE is the one mandating the oot destination event. That being said, the MoH should have discussed this with everyone well before this point and come up with a cheaper location that would still be fun or let folks opt out. It also should have been asked of the bride which she would prefer party in Vegas and having to fork out her own airfare or different destination and everything covered.

All that being said, I do think that the bride's hotel/lodging should be covered if there is any intent to get her to a state where she wouldn't be able to drive herself home. If it's a spa day /tea party where everyone will be sober than that's a bit different.

This stuff is exactly why I refuse to participate in these and declined vehemently when my girls brought it up for me. This whole trend just bothers me to no end. FH and I went to Vegas for a week this summer and with airfare, a suite, and car rental we didn't even pay 2k. Why on earth is it so much?

My college friend of 8 years is the bride. She planned a destination bachelorette weekend party for herself in San Diego, CA. She booked a 4-bedroom house for the bridal party (herself, maid of honor, and 4 other bridesmaids = 7 people total). The rental house costed $1,343.51 for three days and two nights. The bride wants a free lodging, so she decides to charge each bridesmaid $223.58 (based on 6 women paying). Everyone except the bride have to share a bed with another person from the bridal party. I don't even know her step-sister, yet the bride wants me to sleep on the same bed with this step-sister. I find this to be so uncomfortable. I have to pay $223.58 to share a queen bed with someone I don't know!

The bride planned a list of activities that she wants to do, but she expects the bridesmaids to pay for her. (Day 1) wine tasting, tapas, BBQ, drinks. (Day 2): nails, spa day, kayak tour into the sea lions' cave, showcase, nice cocktail bar. (Day 3): mimosas, brunch, brewery.

If you ask me, that all sounds very expensive. Tapas are expensive in general. Drinks: She can handle her liquor (6-7 glasses of alcohol in one night). Nails: She could get glitter lining and stickers on each nails. That will add up really quickly. Spa: What happens when she wants an additional one hour massage? Private kayak tours are pricey. Nice cocktail bars are expensive. Need I mention more?

It's a different story IF the bridesmaids all got together to plan what we think will be nice for the bride, and we all decide what to pay for, and how much we're all willing to pay on the bride's behalf.

It's a different story when THE BRIDE plans out everything: tells you where to stay, who to sleep with, what activities to do - yet, she's paying for none of it and expects you to pay for all of it. Even when she did pay for something, she sends the charges to the bridesmaids via Venmo afterward.

If this is the proper treatment for a bride-to-be, then it's no wonder why women love weddings! It's because they get to do everything on their bucket list - for free. Who wants to travel for free & do fun activities at other people's expense?

Anyway, I confronted her how expensively it would be. I was under the impression that we would all be splitting the cost evenly by 7 people (including the bride herself). I can understand about paying the bride's dinner for one night, but I don't want to be forced into paying for the lodging and every activity. That sounds absurd! She's basically trying to squeeze every penny out of us. I work hard day in and day out to make a living, not to spend $1,000-$3,000 to make a friend happy.

Instead of changing the venue and events into something that's more affordable for everyone, the bride told me... "Normal people go out for dinner, or for a night at a bar, but I want to go out with a bang! Lol"

I remained strong on my beliefs about not wanting to pay for those multiple expenses. She grew mad at me for not wanting to spend thousands of dollars on her. She exaggerated over the fact that, "It's not JUST any party. It's my bachelorette party, and this is a big milestone for me."

(This is her husband's second engagement and the two of them are already legally married on paper because they eloped). For all I know, the guy could file for a divorce next year, and have a THIRD engagement with the next woman. Then, my friend will just get married to a different guy and throw another extravagant bachelorette party for herself. Who knows? The fact that the groom has been divorced, it makes me take their engagement/wedding/marriage less seriously because he's susceptible to filing another separation/divorce.

Outcome: She removed me from her bridal party because I refused to pay for everything in her destination wish list.

It looks like "going out with a bang," and throwing an extravagant party is more important for her than spending quality time with her friends.

I’m a bride and I’m the one who wanted a destination bachelorette so I told my BM’s I’m totally fine with paying for my flight from the jump, they are paying for my lodging snd everything else BUT I’m also paying for party favors for them and I’m having 14 people attend the bachelorette so that really helps to keep costs down 😊