Depressed in a LDR

You're getting a little slice of married life. It's going to happen, especially if both of you are career driven. There will be times in which you are physically and/or emotionally unavailable because your professional responsibilities are nipping at your heels. You'll want to reassure him, on the phone, that everything between you is fine, but you're just really busy and have to go. Other times, it will be like it is today; he'll be working on something career related that is as important to him as his graduate thesis is today. It doesn't mean that you're drifting apart. It means he's working on something that will eventually yield great benefits to the both of you.

Unless you have a good reason to believe that something else is going on, give him the space he needs to finish what he needs to finish. Remember, in three short months, he'll be at the end of the aisle, and he'll be breathlessly waiting for you -- nobody but you.

That was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you. Nothing else is going on; just feeling emotionally distant from him and I hate feeling like this because we are usually very close (the long distance only makes it harder). I appreciate your advice.

Ah, Centerpiece...she speaks wisdom!

Once Centrepiece chimes in, there is really no need for anyone else to ever say anything xoxo

And OP, I've been there. It will be ok! I promise

I haven't seen future husband for 5 months, and won't for another 2. I don't really have any advice. Just wanted to say I know how you feel I get that way a lot. Lonely, confused, sad and stressed. I find when I feel this way talking to fh about it helps with our emotional distance and intimacy a lot and gets us back on the same page.

I heard a good quote today: when you're married you can only be as happy as the least happy spouse. Right now it sounds like your FH is the least happy. My FH is also working on a huge presentation and I hate it. But me being bitter towards him just makes it harder. Your conversations might be the highlight of his day and the only thing keeping him going. I have been honest with my FH saying "I am sad that we haven't been spending time together and I am trying to be mad at your project not you." Sometimes, our partners are allowed to be the ones who are more stressed out and although we aren't their primary focus, we have to keep going for them. Remember it's only a blip in your long life together. I mean seriously, don't let a thesis take away the excitement of getting married.

I feel you! Only I'm on the other end ... I only have 2 weeks until I'm home but I'm sooo far over my head in school work that I feel like at the end I have no energy for my LDR. If your FH is like me, he needs to hear your voice telling him that you believe in him and that you know he is doing his best! I don't know what I would do without my FH being incredibly supportive because sometimes it feels like I'll be stuck in college far away from him forever.

What if you send him a love letter? Or even just texts! My FH gets up before me so he always sends me nice good morning text and then I start my day thinking about him!

I guess I'm not really sure what advice to give you ... Hang in there! It WILL get better and you will survive this! Us LDR girls will survive this

You've got this Sarabee. Have you done "open when" letters? You can create them for each other. Open when you miss me. Open when you want to laugh. Open when you're upset with me. You fill them with letters and open as needed. Big hugs.

Graduate theses/dissertations are so hard! Not only are they academically challenging, they're also emotionally draining. I know this because I have two graduate degrees. Give him some extra grace and some extra space to get his work done.

On the other hand, graduate degrees are also hard for the student's significant other. Oftentimes you won't know if he's in a bad mood because of something you did or if he just had a bad research day. I know this because my FH is working on his PhD and it's quite miserable for both of us sometimes. Give yourself some extra grace and some extra space. It'll be fine. Some days will be harder than others, but you will get through it.

Wow, thank you guys so much for the good advice and hints. I'm going to give him a call right now and tell him I understand (instead of being sad and whiny like I usually am...)

I been moody and distant in my relationship at least that's what FH says... But honestly I'm not distant because I don't love him I do love him very much and can't wait to be his wife I'm crazy excited but I'm just stressing a bunch of things like our rent for our new apt and so happens when we moved here I had a medical emergency and most of our money went to hospital bills and Drs and I have anxiety so it's making me a little crazy ...sorry rambled a little there but my point is things happens some days are not perfect but it doesn't mean he don't love you any less so keep your head up the man asked you to be his wife for a reason remember that

All great advice! Hang in there, girl. It will be over before you know it and you'll be walking down that aisle to your best friend.

I've been in a LDR my entire 3 year relationship and am finally moving to him in a month. I do know how lonely it can feel even when you're talking to him. Sometimes it's best to just not talk for awhile so that way, when you do finally call him, you have something to talk about. I don't know how often you talk but my FH and I text all day and call at night. He's usually pretty entertaining but sometimes I feel a disconnect. Not texting for the day and waiting for him to call at the end of it makes me look forward to talking to him, just because I'm so used to consistently talking to him throughout the entire day. So give it a couple days before talking to him again, and maybe it'll make you feel excited. When I'm extra sad by FH falls asleep with me on the phone. It's not the same as him being there, but it helps I think. Just don't punish him or yourself just because you've both got a lot going on right now! I've felt doubts too. We've got to be stronger than the bullshit that happens in our lives you're so close to your wedding! Try to focus on being excited for that! I hope it all works out for you.

In the same boat girl ! I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen my FH since December . it gets lonely and I get sad or frustrated way to much but time will fly these next couple of months so keep yourself busy and try not to think about it ( I know that's hard )

My FH & I have been long distance for a couple months and it sometime feels like your slowly suffocating. But I like to think of the hard times as times to grow within myself. I believe we all have our own purpose so focus on you, because in not to long you are going to be one with your husband, which is a beautiful thing, but for now soak in the you time. Sometimes it's hard for me and my fiancé to talk because it makes it just hurt more, sometimes staying busy is the best thing to do. It's also hard when he's busy and your not, and you're just missing him, that was me last week. Just take one day at a time and soak in the bride-to-be time because you'll only be one for a short amount of time. One thing me and my fiancé do is we FaceTime almost every night, even if it's just to talk for 15 mins. We have a 3 hour time difference so it's hard to find time. But if you want to you'll be able too. A lot of the time I'll fall asleep on the phone and he'll leave his phone on until he goes to bed so he can "fall asleep with me" (although he usually goes to bed a couple hours before I wake up) another fun thing we do is we snapchat a lot with videos and the silly filters. We send eachother letters in the mail, and he's been sending me care packages with just simple little things like coffee and flowers he picked, a shirt with his cologne on it. Little things like that mean so much to me. Try some of those things it could maybe help. Wish you the best luck, and remember you are NOT alone in this at all!

I needed all of this advice as well, thank you OP for asking and thanks to all who responded with words of wisdom!!

Don't have anything to add except that I am touched by the beautiful advice people have given here!

I worked on my thesis whilst planning my wedding.

My thesis was one of the worst experiences I've ever had in the academic world. I was so stressed out that I got hives. I've never had hives before. I'm pretty sure I had a mild form of PTSD when I finished - and I"m not exaggerating. Seeing old emails from my thesis advisor sent me into anxiety attacks.

He's going to be selfish for a while - you have to be whilst getting a thesis. It is so all-encompassing and draining. I'd recommend sending him weekly care packages - little surprises (i.e. some pens, snacks, fuzzy socks, coffee, etc.). - like a thesis survival kit.

Centerpiece sums it up again.

My fiancé and I were long distance for two years while we were going to school and this is exactly how it was for us too. We would get in fights all the time over the phone because I felt so distant from him. It sucked. But when we did see each other it reminded me that this was right. No advice except that I agree with centerpiece also! It'll get better!