Demoting moh

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Right? I couldn't get past that.

The rest of it...oof. I just can't.

I got rid of my maid of honor as a whole and asked advice and everyone attacked me as well so honestly dont sweat all the responses coming at you. You have enough to stress about and your bridesmaids are supposed to be there to help and support you on a very important and stressful day, your maid of honor being the most important part of that. You should have someone who knows you and your relationship be the one who gives a speech to your closest friends and family, not someone you see out of convenience. You have the right to make this decision for the good of your wedding and your sanity. I received tons of backlash from women on here who obviously never experienced this stress in addition to their weddings and were ridiculously unsupportive of an already emotionally exhausting situation that I was struggling with, and i am 1000% happy I did not listen to any of them and followed what I knew was best for myself and my wedding. You did not "make your bed" and you certainly do not have to lie in it.

I mean at this point is it really worth demoting, none of them have a special role because you kind of all gave them a special title but the one? I think if I was your first and only BM I would maybe have been a little offended. I would just leave this be...she in reality is a BM and you just gave her kind of meaningless title that everyone is basically possessing but one person.

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Ha! Right?!?!

So are all of your MOHs going to give a speech? I’d fall asleep tbh, that’s 5 different 10 minute long speeches.

As far as I can see, the problem behavior in all this is yours. The only real duties of any BM or MOH, are to show up a little before the wedding, well groomed, in either a dress picked by the bride, or following guidelines given her, that was chosen after finding out the price range MOH or BM could afford. Any specific other things are not duties of a job . They are mutually agreed on in the private talk bride has with each one, discussing what bride's and attendants expectations are. You blew it big time getting drunk and asking her at a party, so she said yes with no idea you expected more than usual get dress, get well groomed, show up. So now you are upset she has not spent money and time throwing parties for you? Because you want them? They are not a duty of attendants, though many do offer to do them. But any friend, or relatives outside your immediate household, can also host or help with a shower or bachelorette. Are you mad at every close friend, and all your family (except mom) because they could throw a shower for you too? And didn't? MOH. is not a superior rank to bridesmaid, you cannot demote someone, since their actual duties are the same. The MOH is usually someone you are closest to, or have known longest. Often an older mentor. What do you plan to do, hold a meeting, and say, while totally drink one night, I asked someone I have only been close to for a short while, to be my MOH. And since I didn't give her the courtesy of telling her my hopes or expectations, she has simply fulfilled the basic duties. And, being a person with good manners, she is honoring a long standing previous engagement with family , *** which is the proper etiquette when one has two invitations for the same date*** , when I want her at a dinner scheduled long after her family affair? So I am demoting her to a bridesmaid... which will make the sole bridesmaid feel like garbage, that BM is for disloyal or non-performing friends not up to your standards. Go ahead. And every person involved with the wedding, and any person they tell, and all of Facebook world, will all see the real you. A most disturbing revelation to those who consider you a friend. Maybe you should just graciously accept what she is doing, and have a little less drama.

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Side note: people, PLEASE don’t let others give 10 minute speeches at your wedding. That is an insanely long time to speak. They should be 1-2 minute toasts to the couple, not drawn-out apeeches detailing every day they’ve known you.

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I agree with this fully.

To the original poster, to be perfectly honest it seems like your friend is going through a really tough time right now. She's lost her job, has no vehicle, financially struggling from day to day, is suffering from severe anxiety, and your response to that is to criticize her relationship?

"she makes no effort to take care of herself because she lives off of her boyfriends, who has also talked about breaking up with her after the wedding. Ugh. "

Then you become "infuriated" because she is attending an annual tradition with her father and family? Seriously?

"The most infuriating, is that she says she won't be able to attend the rehearsal dinner or come decorate because her dad does a huge smokeout on his birthday every year, and is "scared" to tell him she can't go this year. (eye-roll) So I have officially decided to demote her to a bridesmaid"

You acknowledge the fact that she's lost her job, has no vehicle, financially struggling from day to day, is suffering from severe anxiety, but then have the audacity to sat that her not being able to contribute to planning and assisting is equivalent to slapping the other MOH's in the face?

"No guilt or remorse at all. I feel like its more of a slap in the face to the two Maid of Honors and two Matron of Honors who have worked their butts off to help with planning and assisting "

I don't know if you're just super stressed out and therefore have tunnel vision focused on your upcoming wedding, or you are completely serious in your stance. I hope you're not intentionally being self centered and completely lacking sympathy for the hard times your friend is going through. I think you need to take a break and step back and think how you would want to be treated if you were in her shoes.

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It's moments like this where I really wish there was still a "like" button.

I really don't agree with everyone saying bridesmaids have no responsibility other than to show up to the wedding...really?? When you agree to be in a bridal party I think you should definitely help plan the shower, help with the bach party, and absolutely show up to the rehearsal dinner. I get she has something to do but this is your rehearsal...so she should be there. I know I'll be pissed if all of mine don't show up.

You have too many maids of honor and matrons of honor. I say 2 at the most, but I get it. Hard to choose sometimes. I'm not making my 2 give a speech, it is honestly only tradition for the best man to do this so I am not going to press the issue. Demoting won't serve any purpose now unfortunately. I wish you the best of luck, it will be fine with or without her.